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Thread: Poll: What kind of dragon should adorn my crotch?

  1. #1
    Master of Sock Puppets TheMightyMcClaw's Avatar
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    Default Poll: What kind of dragon should adorn my crotch?

    So here's the deal.
    A couple weeks ago, one of my belt buckles broke. This one. The little tab that hooks into the maille tore off.
    That's the sweet thing about chainmail belts, I suppose: they outlast their buckles.
    Anyway, this has left with me with a great big swath of chainmail and no way to adorn it to clasp it shut.
    So I'm browsing around on eBay and the like, and I decided that I should probably try and find the most audacious and dragon-themed buckle possible. I'm kind of surprised I don't have some kind of dragon-buckle already. To give you a measure of how hard I'm trying to tell subtlety to fuck off in the first place, this is the belt that I wear on a day to day basis.
    Anyways, here are the contenders:
    Entry #1: The Door Knocker
    Firstly, if I were to get this buckle, that stupid little ring would be getting snipped off post-haste, leaving me just a satanic looking dragon staring out of my navel.
    Pros: Sweet ass horns, well framed.
    Cons: Noticeably darker than the belt.
    Entry #2: The Vallejo
    For those of you not in the know, Boris Vallejo is renowned for his extremely classy, tasteful, and in no way over-the-top sword and sorcery artwork. He also designed this sweet ass belt buckle of a dragon with big beefy arms (a la the "S is for Sucks" dragon), raising one fist up, seemingly preparing to ground-and-pound the junk of anyone who dears to constrain it to a belt.
    Pros: Only five dollars. Vallejo.
    Cons: Dragon sort of looks like a dude with wings and a dragon head. Vallejo.
    Entry #3: The Lighter
    I don't own a lighter. That's understandable, since I don't smoke. But I kind of want to own one anyway, because I just like the idea of having the power of fire at my fingertips whenever I damn well want it.
    Pros: Power of fire. Dragons AND skulls.
    Cons: I already own a skull-themed belt. Lighter itself kind of sticks out.
    Entry #4: DragonFORCE
    Not an actual dragon, instead, it bears the blood-splattered name of motherfucking DragonForce. While I don't actually enjoy DragonForce's music as much as a lot of other power metal bands, I enjoy them on principle to no end.
    Pros: Promotes power metal.
    Cons: No dragon.
    Entry #5: The Shield
    I found this one on Etsy... while I can't find anything overtly wrong with it, it seems to lack a certain something. Perhaps it's the relative flatness, which makes it seem more like a picture of a dragon and and less like a metal serpent that I've tamed and used to hold up my pants.
    Pros: Seemingly humongous. Free belt.
    Cons: Could be dragonier.

    Keep in mind, I'm not trying to look cool. I'm not trying to look suave. I'm trying to look as much like a heavy metal album cover as a human being can.

  2. #2
    Harpy's Avatar
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    The Door Knocker with a lighter attached and powered by the press of a button. Make sure your crotch is fire-proof.

  3. #3
    Science Fucker Photobucket WarPhalange's Avatar
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    I shop at Walmart.

  4. #4


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    Quote Originally Posted by Poop Loops
    I shop at Walmart.


    Make sure to keep your receipt out.

  5. #5


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    For the power metal look, the Valejo or door knocker would be best.

    I prefer the shield though.

  6. #6
    flying DPs for all! partyboy's Avatar
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    I vote for arthur pendragon

  7. #7
    Registered Member Kein Haar's Avatar
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    I would say a sad, emo Dagon.

  8. #8
    Registered Member HappyOldGuy's Avatar
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    Alive. That would be Metal.
    I'm here a week now... waiting for a mission... getting softer. Every minute I sit in front of this computer, I get weaker, and every minute Charlie squats in the gym, he gets stronger


  9. #9
    Tormenter of tards. FickleFingerOfFate's Avatar
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    Let me get this straight,

    you craft chain-mail garments,

    and you do not operate, nor are you affiliated with, a welder?



    Ninjer,

    please.
    If you can't laugh at yourself,
    Others will be happy to do it for you.


    The two most abundant elements in the universe,

    are Hydrogen, and Stupidity.

  10. #10
    Shawarma
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