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Thread: Lets Make a Pizza!!!

  1. #1
    The Doctor Will See You Now... Olorin's Avatar
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    Default Lets Make a Pizza!!!

    Also known as, Olorin’s Guide to Making Home Made Pizza!

    Olorin is here to show you how to make your own pizza “from scratch.” It is not as hard as it sounds. In fact, it is pretty easy.

    “But cooking is for chicks,” you say. Oh really! First off, women love a man who can cook. No exceptions to the rule. Secondly, pizza is awesome! And you can make it whenever you want with a little basic knowledge.

    So even if you always strike out with the ladies you will have a fresh home made Pizza to soothe your broken heart. But if you are not interested just go back to playing your video games… loser…

    The total time start to finish will be about an hour and a half, longer if you do not cook.

    What you need.

    -3 cups all-purpose flour (its cheep they sell it at the store)
    -One package active dry yeast (stop being a pussy, using yeast is not that hard)
    -1/2 teaspoon salt (its salt, you already have it)
    -One-cup warm water 120F to 130F. Too hot will kill the yeast, too cool and the yeast will not activate. It is not as hard as it sounds. I have made many pizzas and have never screwed this up. You just need to be careful. Once upon a time, you probably thought an arm-bar from guard was complicated too. Get a thermometer to read the temp of the water, it cost about five bucks and you can use it for a bunch of shit from pizza to fried chicken, don’t be a tight ass
    -2 tablespoons cooking oil or olive oil (you should have this too)
    -2-3 cups mozzarella cheese (buy it shredded and save some time)
    -One can pizza sauce (not spaghetti sauce!) ask at the store if you can’t find it.
    -Whatever toppings you want…
    - Pizza pan…a nice big one.
    -Small bag of corn meal (really cheep) also with flour and cornmeal you can make kick-ass cornbread, ask me and I will tell ya how)





    Lets get this shit started…

    Pull out a large mixing bowl and combine a heaping cup of the flour, the yeast, salt, and oil. Then add the water, which you heated to 120-130F.* Use a mixer to beat it for about three minutes. Or just kick its ass with a fork if you do not have a mixer.



    Then mix the rest of the flour into the dough with a big spoon, or as much as you can. It might not all go…but kick its ass like it owes you money.



    Dump the dough out onto a lightly floured surface. (hey you made dough!)



    Knead the dough for about seven minutes. To knead dough smash it flat with the heal of your hand, fold it over, turn dough 45 degrees and smash it flat again.



    After seven minutes of kneading cover the dough and let it rest for 10 minutes. (It’s sleepy)



    Meanwhile preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

    Spray your pizza pan with Pam and sprinkle with the cornbread. When ten minutes is up, lightly flour your surface again and roll out the dough with a rolling pin. If you do not have a rolling pin, you can use a clean glass to roll out the dough. Try to make a circle with the dough about the same size as your pan. When you think you have the right size transfer the dough to the pizza pan. If you forgot to lightly flour your surface, your dough will rip when you try to move it.



    Build up the edges of the dough slightly to make the crust. Next, take out a fork and stab the dough all over while screaming, “Am I good enough now daddy!” Slap it in the preheated oven for 10-15 minutes or until it is very light brown.



    After about 10 minutes take it out, cover with pizza sauce, cheese, and desired toping. I will leave it up to you to decide how much cheese, and sauce you what to use. I use about half a can of sauce so I can get two pizzas out of one can, and liberally cover the pizza with cheese and toppings.



    Put back in oven for another 10 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly.



    Take out, cut, and enjoy.

    You made a pizza!

  2. #2
    Catnip fiend. Steve's Avatar
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    I love the thread (very much worthy of front page), but it should be in Geekdom.

    Now to address you making me hungry.... Bastard! :-P
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiko
    Steve wasn't in CTC but he's one of us in spirit. I can't explain it.
    <3

    SHARK FARTS!

  3. #3
    Science Fucker Photobucket WarPhalange's Avatar
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    Looks like someone peed on it.

    Who peed on your pizza?

  4. #4
    Registered Member ThaiBoxerShorts's Avatar
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    I still think an armbar from guard is complicated.

    Earlier this evening, I returned to BJJ class for the first time in months. I was like, holy shit I forgot how hard this shit is. I much prefer kicking people in the head.

    So I'm sure pizza would be quite beyond me.

    Oh well.

  5. #5
    The Doctor Will See You Now... Olorin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poop Loops
    Looks like someone peed on it.

    Who peed on your pizza?
    When I make it with mushrooms, hamburger, or green pepper it does not happen. It has something to do with the pepperoni. It’s sweet, sweet pepperoni grease.

    But it’s the grease that makes it good.

  6. #6
    Catnip fiend. Steve's Avatar
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    Agreed.

    And considering that the majority of us here are MAists, the protein is good too!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiko
    Steve wasn't in CTC but he's one of us in spirit. I can't explain it.
    <3

    SHARK FARTS!

  7. #7
    For eons have I lived... Stick's Avatar
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    Olorin has ipponed the correct; pepperoni greese gets all up in the cheese and darkens it, that's just the way pepperoni rolls.

    Kick ass thread.

    Maybe I'll try some time.

  8. #8
    Zendetta
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    Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.

  9. #9
    Catnip fiend. Steve's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zendetta
    Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.
    I'm asking.
    Quote Originally Posted by Kiko
    Steve wasn't in CTC but he's one of us in spirit. I can't explain it.
    <3

    SHARK FARTS!

  10. #10
    The Doctor Will See You Now... Olorin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zendetta
    Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.
    Quote Originally Posted by sfe
    I'm asking.
    Give it up Zen!

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