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Thread: God's Own Drunk

  1. #1
    THE n00b! noob joen00b's Avatar
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    Oct 2002

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    Default God's Own Drunk

    Well, I'd liked to explain to you all before, I ain't no drinkin' man. I tried it once and it got me highly irregular and I swore I'd never do it again. But, I promised my brother in-law that I'd go up and watch his Still while he went in to town to vote.

    It was right up on the mountain where the map said it would be. Friends let me tell you one thing, though, it wasn't no ordinary still. It stood up on that mountainside like a huge golden oak!!

    God's yeller moon shinin' on the cool clear evenin', God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off in the heavens. I'd like I explain'd to you once again I ain't no drinkin' man, but temptation got the best of me and I took a slash! That yella whiskey runnin' down my throat like honey dew vine water. I took another slash! I took another'n an another'n an another'n, before you knew I'd downed one whole jug of that shit and commenced to gettin' hot flashes!!

    Goose pimples was runnin' up and down my body and a feelin' came over me like somethin' I'd never experienced before. It was like, like I was in love! In love for the first time, with anything that moved! Animate, inanimate it didn't matter! It's like there's a great neon sign flashin' on an' off in my brain sayin' "joen00b, there's a great day a-comin'!!" `cause I was drunk!!

    I wasn't knee crawlin', slip slidin', Reggie Youngin', commode huggin' drunk. I was God's own drunk and a fearless man! And that's when I first saw the bear...

    He was a Kodiak lookin' fella `bout nineteen feet tall. He rambled up over the hill expectin' me to do one of two things, Flip or fly, I didn't do either one. It hung him up...

    He started sniffin' around my body tryin' to smell fear, but he ain't gonna smell no fear `cause I'm God's own drunk and a fearless man!! It hung him up...

    He looked right in my eyes, and my eyes was a lot redder than his was!! It hung him up...

    So I approached him, I said "Mr. Bear, I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body. I know you got a lot of friends over there on the other side of the hill. There's ole' Rare bear, Tall bear, Freddy bear, Kelly bear, Jelly bear, Smelly the bear, Smokey the bear, Pokey the bear... I want you to go back over there tonight and tell them I'm feelin' right! You tell them I love each and everyone of them like a brother and a sister! But if they give me any trouble tonight I'm gonna run every God damn one of them off the hill!!"

    He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think! Neither did I but bein' charitable and cautious, well, hell, I approached him again...

    I said "Mr. Bear, You know in the eyes of the Lord we're both beasts when it comes right down to it. So I want you to be my buddy... Buddy Bear." So I took ole' Buddy Bear by his island size paw and I led him over to the Still.

    He's a sniffin' around that thing cause he's smellin' somethin' good. I gave him one of them jugs of honey dew vine water and he downed it up right!! He looked like one of them damn bears in the circus sippin' sasparilla in the moonlight. I gave him another'n an another'n an another'n and before I knew it he downed eight of them and commenced to doin' the bear dance!!

    Two snips, a snort, a fly, a turn, and a grunt. It was so simple, like the jitter bug it plum evaded me. We worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar and I was awful tired and went over to the hillside and I laid down and went to sleep.

    Slept for four hours and dreamt me some tremulous dreams! When I woke up, there was God's yeller moon shinin' on the clear cool evenin', God's little lanterns twinklin' on and off in the heavens. My buddy the bear was a missin'!
    Want to know something else friends and neighbors?

    So was that Still...

  2. #2
    Registered Member Eloco's Avatar
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    Oct 2002

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    I miss good ole CO..
    I lurk, therefore I am not.

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