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Thread: Cazic Thule Hospital

  1. #1

    Yes | No

    Default Cazic Thule Hospital

    Doctor Gonzo
    :: Clowns to the right of me, jokers to the left here I am stuck in the middle with ... ::

    AHHHH yes good tunes to go with good medication, good medication to go with the latest chapter in the never-ending saga that was the “Neverwinter Nights Hospital”.

    :: reaches into the desk, plopping onto its top a half empty bottle of Mescal ::

    Thus, I bring you the Cazic Thule Hospital.

    You see I had tried to find Doctor Dumpers. Honestly I had tried. After much effort a private investigator finally located him selling mixed drinks with little umbrellas to tourists on the northern shores of Aruba. Though he reportedly gives anyone displaying the secret Gonzo handshake a discount he attacked the investigator with a wooden club at the very mention of my name.

    :: opens the kit bag, pulling forth a handful of multi-colored pills ::

    I knew it was hopeless, Dumpers had finally gone over the edge. We all go there eventually, hell I’ll be there someday and any of you that walk this foolish path will be as well.

    :: munches pills, quaffing them down with Mescal ::


    Damn this medical profession, DAMNIT! This, this, this calling if you will.

    I had pondered the awful task at hand while walking the beaches of Northern Ro, hungover and still catching tracers from that awful drug Caym gave me the night before.

    ‘Shit, couldn’t the fucker score something a little less pure next time,’ I thought as I stopped to gag, doing the big spit once more while the waves lapped at my feet. And why the hell had Steps given me all these goddamn playing cards with naked ogre chicks on them? Was there a message there, was it in code? Was he telling me to meet him in Ogre country for the ‘big score’ or was it something more akin too deadcaster talk for, ‘a drunk human rogue just gave me a ton of plat for a bunch of worthless cards’?

    It was then though that I realized what I had too do. Right there while I was tossing on the beach turning the sand into hues of green, purple and a lot of yellow.

    :: fumbles into the desk pulling out a six-pack of bud, three beers short ::

    It was then that I realized the hospital had to be resurrected.

    I asked Derreck if he had any ideas but he replied with something like, “she’s a flirt, I know that much.”

    The bastards! They had gotten to him too.

    Yes it was obvious. We needed a massive impatient facility, with a mental wing bigger, more modern and certainly with more pharmaceuticals then Neverwinter Nights had ever seen. I had hoped, against hope, that Doctor Dumpers would head up the facility but judging by the fact that the private investigator in my employ was still learning how to walk again, I would have to go it alone.

    :: Pops the top on a can of bud, sending foam spewing into the air and across the desk ::

    That’s why I did it.

    :: Slams most of the lukewarm Budweiser ::

    You see it’s the very FATE of Cazic Thule Tavern on the table here! It’s a thready heartbeat and Energizer standing over the body with a sharp knife and a “who farted” look on his face away from a total meltdown.

    Yes, invasive surgery MAY be needed.

    It’s a combination of things you see, it’s like this, or sorta like this and if it’s NOT like this you can always put the blame squarely on Riddeck and Phleg who are normally to blame unless they are not to blame in which case, blame Joen00b.

    It’s Kela, the evil mage, breeding an army of horney, pimplefaced teenage boys to do her evil bidding. They MUST be stopped, or at least made to work for me.

    It’s Sitheray, who has mutated into Sitheray verson 1.0. What sort of sick disease had caused this bit of sickness. Someone is needed, right this minute, to study his molecular structure. To determine why he is mutating. Was it the odd moon rays from Lucin? If so, could we bottle and sell it?

    It’s Phrack. Oh yes it IS Phrack. Let me just quote something of Phracks that while having no bearing on the topic at hand and being completely out of context, illiterates how sick this man has become, “It was me who yelled, ‘Now’”. I think you can see for yourself, from that simple quote, he’s a sick man in need of medical attention.

    Fyrestarter figures into this somewhere and I think you ALL know exactly where that somewhere is. If you don’t know, and hell I admit I don’t, ask Donnely, he knows. If Donnely don’t know check your PM’s cause he and I just sent you one explaining the whole goddamn mess.

    :: drinks more warm foamy bud ::

    But it’s deeper then even that. There is Synorza who had mutated into a creature able to attack man and beast with her toes and Cieyna who can ....

    ... well let’s not discuss what she can do, ummmmm doctor patient confidentiality and hon if you are reading this I’ll bring the nun costume and the paddle to our next session, please don’t forget the feather boa and the baby oil.

    :: Tosses the empty can of bud aside, ripping the top of the next, drinking deeply ::

    It’s the least that I can do, and I mean that. It’s the absolute least I can do. Now it is up too you. I need a staff. Someone to head up the inpatient wing, someone to walk the halls with clipboards, someone to talk on the intercom when we aren’t using it too taunt Diggler and someone, who is in my pocket, to run the pharmacy.

    I need a staff!

    ::: Pulls out more pills, munching them while washing it down with lukewarm bud :::

    Yes a staff.

    I need a staff to take over these boards. Err rather I need a staff to SAVE these boards from chaos and anarchy. I need Ouden too move his Panzer divisions into France. I need Shortee to tell us why Ouden did that. I need Akashasky to wear a sexy nurses’ outfit and be my personal assistant. DAMNIT I NEED Yhara to make statements about the whole bloody thing. I need Kwill to wear a french maid’s costume and ‘clean my office’ when Akashasky isn’t looking.

    I need YOU, dear member of Cazic Thule, to assist and protect what’s left of this dear, ugly, sweet, vile haven we call home.

    Doctor “Nakky was not harmed in the making of this post” Gonzo

  2. #2

    Yes | No


    what the hell..evil [email protected][email protected]! Do not confuse me with lowly mages. They suck ass.

  3. #3

    Yes | No


    Doctor Gonzo
    You see Kela, its only through THERAPY, such as this that we are going to 'resolve' the issue at hand.

    And right now the issue at hand is my finding more beer to go with these pills.

    :: digs into satchel, pulling out more pills ::

    Now for the beer

    :: searches desk top littered with cans for one with liquid still in it, Swigging it down with a multitude of pills ::

    You see after reviewing your 'file' I can say without a doubt you are suffering from a case of ...

    Class envy.

    Yes, dont fight it Kela. Its a CLEAR case of CLASS envy.

    With several months of therapy, intensive medication for both of us and with help from the ...

    :: Slams rest of beer ::


    :: Tosses empty can over shoulder :

    we can get through this awful, awful time.

  4. #4

    Yes | No


    Yes, yes. You are familiar with a certain Ranger?

    :: Walks through the door, sits at the opposing desk, sets down an oversized bookbag gently ::

    He goes by the name of Derreck Smallberries. I believe the two of you are married? You really should bring him in for some help from the Doc and I.

    :: Pulls a water pipe out of the bookbag and starts pulling out desk drawers looking for something ::

    I believe he suffers from the aforementioned affliction that pervades you as well - class envy. Well documented illness I must say. Verant has millions of complaints logged.

    :: finds what he was looking for, a bowl piece and and some pills, swallows the pills rather quickly ::

    You see, it has to deal with the uniqueness of the individual. Thats how we derive their treatment. Speaking of treatments, my glaucoma is actin' up.

    : pulls a bong hit ::

    OH GOD!

    Anyway, bring your husband by sometime soon so we can start the therapy.

  5. #5

    Yes | No


    Doctor Gonzo, I need your help! Somethings wrong and I dont know what! :(

  6. #6

    Yes | No


    Doctor Gonzo
    :: Sweeps the clutter of empty beer cans, Cigarette butts, newspaper and pot seeds off the desk, setting a fresh six pack utop it from inside the desk ::

    Yes, it's as I suspected, or at least its as I think it is as I suspected. I have to wait for the lab report, they have a bit of a backlog unfortunely with that order Nakiko I placed, but still even without it, its as my estimed college Nakky put it.

    Class envy.

    :: rips the top off another bud, drinking from the can ::

    We're going to need Mr. Smallberries here I can tell you, for these 'sessions' to even have half a chance of sucess, we'll need to cut him open, err we'll need to talk with him as well.

    :: Eats another handfull of pills ::

    Until that time Kela I can however recommend the 'proper' medication. Just see Mr. Nakiko so he can 'fill' your prescription. Oh and if you don't mind could you ask him to pass the bottle of mescal back this way someday soon?

    Yours in god,
    Doctor Gonzo

  7. #7

    Yes | No


    Doctor Gonzo
    WitchStorm m'love the problem is PAINFULLY obvious to me and well to everyone here I would hope.

    Its that you're naked. Yes, I know child, I know. It shocked me too. Being naked is one thing but running naked it quiet another.

    What you have is a disorder we medical professionals call "Ain't got no damned clothes on".

    Unfortunely there is no cure, only therapy involving me, you and a bottle of warmed baby oil.

    Oh yes and some 'medicine' ... medicine fo the soul of course

    :: Hands witchStorm a handfull of pills ::

    Now take these dear girl, yes borrow my beer, hell take a fresh beer if you like, and you will be passed out ... err feeling a lot better very shortly.

    Doctor Gonzo

  8. #8

    Yes | No


    I dont like beer :~(


  9. #9

    Yes | No


    :: Hands Veldriss a bottle of mescal ::

    Here, take a gulp of this, puts anything down. No, not all of it, pass it to Gonzo, its his bottle.

  10. #10

    Yes | No


    Doctor Gonzo
    :: Reaches for another beer ::

    Don't like beer? Christ that maybe a sympton of the 'total disease'

    No matter.

    Mescal perhaps? Vodka? How about some Grappa? Ether? Wait forget that last one.

    I dunno if the cafe is open yet, but if so maybe we can get Nakiko to fix up some sort of mixed chicky drink, you know something with fruit in it?

    Anything at all love to 'ease the pain', anything at all.


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