View Full Version : DARWIN AWARDS

28th January 04, 12:34 AM
Sorry if someone posted these already.

More news from the shallow end of the gene pool!

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN..................
> The 2003 Darwin Award Winner:
> When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during
a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.....
> *^*^*^*
> And now, the 2003 Darwin Award Honorable Mentions:
> The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine
and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have
a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim
was app! roved.
> *^*^*^*
> A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
> *^*^*^*
> After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
to beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He
then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
> *^*^*^*
> An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close hecould get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
> *^*^*^*
> A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and
asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a
gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15.
> (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
> *^*^*^*
> A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying
a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then
the snickers started. The security guard completely lost it and doubled over
laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his
gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the ! thief got him. The thief
ran aw ay and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put
a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this
is a ****-up!"
> *^*^*^*
> Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
> *^*^*^*
> As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her
purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief! was then taken out of the car and tol d to stand there for a
positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady
I stole the purse from."
> *^*^*^*
> The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
> *^*^*^*
> A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline
from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up
next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank ! by mistake. The owner of the vehic le declined
to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Samuel Browning
28th January 04, 12:38 AM
good post Clang, and yes if he left money there it would be attempted robbery.

28th January 04, 12:39 AM
Uh, that's nice, but there is an Off-Topic Forum

28th January 04, 12:44 AM

Ah well phrost can move it then

28th January 04, 12:49 AM
Originally posted by PizDoff
Uh, that's nice, but there is an Off-Topic Forum

Yah, Clang. If it had a stylist that bit the dust, then it would have been "On-Topic." ;)

I'll help you out, here's one of my favorites. Enjoy. ->


(1973 to present)


FLOYD, Cecil Henry:

Floyd, 37 years old, attempted to rob a filling station. The attendant advised Floyd that he knew kung fu, did a kung fu scream, and jumped into a kung fu stance. Floyd shot the attendant three times in the head. Floyd had other murder/robbery charges pending in other states.

28th January 04, 12:50 AM
Now we have a stylist that bit the dust.

Thanks for putting me "on-track" kungfools

The Wastrel
28th January 04, 12:52 AM
Darnit! I was just trying to help!

28th January 04, 12:56 AM
Nice post Clang!

28th January 04, 12:57 AM

28th January 04, 12:58 AM
Originally posted by grego
Nice post Clang!

I'm not sure I agree, it's sort of hard to read the manner in which it was posted.

28th January 04, 01:19 AM
Pathetic, all. Gotta love the Darwins.

28th January 04, 02:31 AM
Are you sure some of those last few weren't urban legends? Someone fire up the snopes machine...

28th January 04, 08:58 AM
God, I'd forgotten how funny some of those awards are. And yes, the Darwin website folks usually check to make sure they aren't urban myths. My favorite? Guy puts his pistol on his bedside table. Phone rings at night, dumbass answers his gun.

28th January 04, 12:27 PM
Cut and paste at its best kungfools

29th January 04, 01:17 AM
Originally posted by Clang
Cut and paste at its best kungfools

I suppose, did it arrive by email? I was just annoyed by the >>>. :cool:

29th January 04, 01:31 AM
My favorite? Guy puts his pistol on his bedside table. Phone rings at night, dumbass answers his gun.

He thought he was pulling the trigger on his phone ?