View Full Version : Anyone know Specialist Schwartz?

22nd January 04, 04:55 AM

A list of 213 things Specialist Schwartz is no longer allowed to do in the US Army.

22nd January 04, 05:29 AM

From now on, I am Princess Anastasia.

#7 almost made me pee my pants.

Asia, admit it -- you do #32, don't you?

Edit: And #78 ...

22nd January 04, 05:33 AM
SamHarber, I love you for this.

Everyone, read this. Read it to the end. It's the best thing EVER. #87 is going to be my new sig if I can ever stop giggling.

22nd January 04, 05:48 AM

22nd January 04, 08:59 AM
If I ever come over to Canada, I'll take you up on that.

Considering I don't have a passport, and can't be arsed getting one, you may be safe.

4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

22nd January 04, 09:17 AM
Now, THAT is funny :)
Thanks man.

22nd January 04, 09:24 AM
having flashback of wars you werent in MuHAHAH!!!


22nd January 04, 11:11 AM
isn't a picture of someone choking the chicken against forum rules?

WingChun Lawyer
22nd January 04, 11:30 AM
Best. Thing. Ever.

WingChun Lawyer
22nd January 04, 11:32 AM
I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

He, he.

22nd January 04, 04:45 PM
For the Dune geeks:

185. My name is not a killing word.

24th January 04, 12:45 AM
I laughed so hard at 52 for at least a minute and nearly fell out of my chair and wet myself at the same time.

24th January 04, 01:54 AM
"55 An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit."
Ahhhh, the memories.

"72 May not wear gimp mask while on duty. "

OMFG 99!!! HAHAHAH!!!!
LOL @ 118!

Ahahahahh 145 and 146

Awesome link thanks!

The Wastrel
24th January 04, 02:14 AM
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

No matter what you think, this is the funniest one on there.

A personal note, people like this "Spc. Schwartz" are part of what I loved about the army. And this list is really not all that far-fetched...

24th January 04, 02:22 AM
"Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot. "

that seriously cracked me up

24th January 04, 02:26 AM
136 was too funny, specially since I just go done watching Platoon.

24th January 04, 02:54 AM
You guys laugh but I had to actually deal with most of these. Hell I even did some when I was a lower EM.

24th January 04, 02:57 AM
I still have the counseling when I told an officer, "Exactly what BRAND or Crack are you smoking, sir? Stay away from the BRAND X buy the good stuff you can afford it."

I keep it as a reminder of how I was and it helps me not choke the smart ass soldiers I have now.

28th July 04, 06:10 AM
Help, link gone awol and I wanted this one - anyone got a copy/another link that works?

28th July 04, 07:16 AM
Originally posted by Onecardshort
Help, link gone awol and I wanted this one - anyone got a copy/another link that works?

New Link: http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

It's back

28th July 04, 07:21 AM
try http://www.arcarmichael.com/skippylist.htm

28th July 04, 07:40 AM
Thanks - much appreciate it.

28th July 04, 08:22 AM
Glad that they have a warning if youre eating or drinking.

28th July 04, 11:53 AM
Some of those are pretty stupid but some are pretty good. Here's a few that came to my attention:

81: May not bring a drag queen to the Battalion formal dance.

This was funny to me at first but then I remembered a true story about some guy in the five-oh-duece at Campbell that actually had a drag queen as a girlfriend. A couple of shitbags beat the poor kid to death with a baseball bat. Very sad what happened to him.

88: Must not refer to 1st Sgt as "Mom"

No, go to a squared away unit and call a 1SGT "Top". I fucking dare you.

211: Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

No, go ask Chaplain Jeff Strueker to sign it. It'll be like a fucking Hydrogen Bomb went off.

28th July 04, 12:29 PM
who is this guy?

28th July 04, 12:48 PM
Originally posted by Raven
who is this guy?

Smells like a 37F in the 82nd to me. From the intel I see on the list, I gather he had a deployment to the Balkans, so that must have been late 90's, maybe 00'.

28th July 04, 12:51 PM
Yeah, I picked that up, by some of his comments. i wasn't sure if he was famous for some reason.

Dunno what you mean with those numbers.