Anyone know Specialist Schwartz?

[SamHarber]

http://www.avalanchetankers.us/archives/000058.html

A list of 213 things Specialist Schwartz is no longer allowed to do in the US Army.

[JKDChick]

BWAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHH

From now on, I am Princess Anastasia.

#7 almost made me pee my pants.

Asia, admit it -- you do #32, don't you?

Edit: And #78 ...

[JKDChick]

SamHarber, I love you for this.

Everyone, read this. Read it to the end. It's the best thing EVER. #87 is going to be my new sig if I can ever stop giggling.

[JKDChick]

142!
142!

[SamHarber]

If I ever come over to Canada, I'll take you up on that.

Considering I don't have a passport, and can't be arsed getting one, you may be safe.

------------------------------
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

[Ronin]

Now, THAT is funny :)
Thanks man.

[KageReaper]

having flashback of wars you werent in MuHAHAH!!!

funny

[BeLikeWater]

isn't a picture of someone choking the chicken against forum rules?

[WingChun Lawyer]

Best. Thing. Ever.

[WingChun Lawyer]

I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.

He, he.

[JKDChick]

For the Dune geeks:

185. My name is not a killing word.

[Mercurius]

I laughed so hard at 52 for at least a minute and nearly fell out of my chair and wet myself at the same time.

[PizDoff]

"55 An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit."
Ahhhh, the memories.


"72 May not wear gimp mask while on duty. "
!!!

OMFG 99!!! HAHAHAH!!!!
LOL @ 118!

Ahahahahh 145 and 146


Awesome link thanks!

[The Wastrel]

173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

No matter what you think, this is the funniest one on there.

A personal note, people like this "Spc. Schwartz" are part of what I loved about the army. And this list is really not all that far-fetched...

[manchuria]

"Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot. "

that seriously cracked me up

[Meteora]

136 was too funny, specially since I just go done watching Platoon.

[Gezere]

You guys laugh but I had to actually deal with most of these. Hell I even did some when I was a lower EM.

[Gezere]

I still have the counseling when I told an officer, "Exactly what BRAND or Crack are you smoking, sir? Stay away from the BRAND X buy the good stuff you can afford it."

I keep it as a reminder of how I was and it helps me not choke the smart ass soldiers I have now.

[Onecardshort]

Help, link gone awol and I wanted this one - anyone got a copy/another link that works?

[Leodom]

Originally posted by Onecardshort
Help, link gone awol and I wanted this one - anyone got a copy/another link that works?

New Link: http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html

It's back

[SamHarber]

try http://www.arcarmichael.com/skippylist.htm

[Onecardshort]

Thanks - much appreciate it.

[Azteca]

Glad that they have a warning if youre eating or drinking.

[Hawkeye]

Some of those are pretty stupid but some are pretty good. Here's a few that came to my attention:

81: May not bring a drag queen to the Battalion formal dance.

This was funny to me at first but then I remembered a true story about some guy in the five-oh-duece at Campbell that actually had a drag queen as a girlfriend. A couple of shitbags beat the poor kid to death with a baseball bat. Very sad what happened to him.

88: Must not refer to 1st Sgt as "Mom"

No, go to a squared away unit and call a 1SGT "Top". I fucking dare you.

211: Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.

No, go ask Chaplain Jeff Strueker to sign it. It'll be like a fucking Hydrogen Bomb went off.

[Raven]

who is this guy?

[Hawkeye]

Originally posted by Raven
who is this guy?

Smells like a 37F in the 82nd to me. From the intel I see on the list, I gather he had a deployment to the Balkans, so that must have been late 90's, maybe 00'.

[Raven]

Yeah, I picked that up, by some of his comments. i wasn't sure if he was famous for some reason.

Dunno what you mean with those numbers.