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Harpy
12th June 13, 08:41 PM
My kid brother is getting married in a few weeks (he's back in one piece from gis Vegas bucks' night).

I feel that being the eldest sibling here I should take him out for lunch and convey some sort of wisdom to guide him or at least let him know I want this to work and I'll be there for him no matter what.

Any suggestions as to what I should say or what you wished your loved ones had told you before the big day?

He knows about the birds and the bees in case anyone decides to be smart.

NoBowie
12th June 13, 08:56 PM
Assuming that he is old enough, my advice is:

1. Live in a big enough place that you can have alone time.

2. Establish a budget, financial plans, etc. right up front as this is the number 1 cause of divorce.

3. Don't have kids for at least 3 years.

4. Anal sex and pegging is the best way to keep your marriage strong. If you aren't both penetrating each other rectally, you can never have a truly equal relationship.

billy sol hurok
13th June 13, 07:37 AM
My kid brother is getting married in a few weeks (he's back in one piece from gis Vegas bucks' night).

Huh, another cute britishism. Here in the New World we spell it "jizz."

And NoB is partially right: Say it with condoms. Perhaps a decade's supply of earplugs too.

Also, tell him to stay away from the gas fixtures.

Spade: The Real Snake
13th June 13, 12:28 PM
My kid brother is getting married in a few weeks (he's back in one piece from gis Vegas bucks' night).

I feel that being the eldest sibling here I should take him out for lunch and convey some sort of wisdom to guide him or at least let him know I want this to work and I'll be there for him no matter what.

Any suggestions as to what I should say or what you wished your loved ones had told you before the big day?

He knows about the birds and the bees in case anyone decides to be smart.


Have your boy give the talk, what with him being closer to being a man than you and all...I suspect.

Unless you are wanting to prepare your brother for the potential of wifely bitching, then by all means, fire away.

Feryk
13th June 13, 02:58 PM
Tell him a woman's perspective of being married.

Not for advice, but so he knows what his wife will eventually bitch about.

Harpy
13th June 13, 03:18 PM
The wife bitching thing, great idea Snake and Feryk.

The couple have lived together for 6 years already, though her mother lives with them too.

Spade: The Real Snake
13th June 13, 03:59 PM
Then your first advice should include finding an apartment for the old ball and chain

Feryk
13th June 13, 04:49 PM
Absolutely. I would also tell him that to expect that things that never pissed him off prior to marriage will make him totally nuts now.

Because now, he'll realize he's got to put up with it for the rest of his life.

Harpy
13th June 13, 05:20 PM
Would that have helped the young Feryk?

My brother is a pure soul, one of those beings one is blessed to be around. He's grown up in a female dominated home and is great with the ladies, empathetic, sensitive, a good listener and a gentle soul.

He has an apartment which they would probably move to eventually.

NoBowie
13th June 13, 05:22 PM
He's grown up in a female dominated home and is great with the ladies, empathetic, sensitive, a good listener and a gentle soul.


Goddamn. His wife will eat him alive.

Spade: The Real Snake
13th June 13, 05:26 PM
Oh and find and apartment for the mother-in-law, too

Cullion
13th June 13, 05:26 PM
Maybe, JUST FOR ONCE, he would like to go for lunch with his sister and not have her pretend to be a kind of neurotic, authoritarian version of Deepak Chopra/The Dali Lama/Oprah?

Harpy
13th June 13, 05:45 PM
Mwahahaha. I'm never like that, he tells me I act 12.

I just love him ALOT and don't want this occasion to pass without saying something.

Cullion
13th June 13, 07:02 PM
Maybe you can find a way of expressing your love without telling somebody what to do ?

Harpy
13th June 13, 07:37 PM
Yes Father.

Pie of Hate
14th June 13, 05:46 AM
Tell him:-


Have the stag do well in advance of the wedding
Kids will make his nice tight wife baggy and the house smell of shit and piss so avoid.
????
Profit!

Harpy
14th June 13, 06:11 AM
That is so depressing.

Pie of Hate
14th June 13, 06:30 AM
Welcome to the world of contractual relationships.

Angry Mandrill
14th June 13, 06:58 AM
tell him you have no advice cuz your marriage blows and burst into uncontrollable sobs. that'll tell him everything he needs to know about marriage.

▄ser Friendly
14th June 13, 07:25 AM
Tell him if he starts doing house work from the get go he is destined to be elbow deep in suds for the rest of his life

Tell him to occaisionly remove the fuse from electrical appliances. When he 'fixes' them he will be seen as a hero, and can trade it off against said house work

Tell him to get a garden shed. A place to go with mates and drink homebrew while herself is doing the hoovering

Feryk
14th June 13, 08:30 AM
Would that have helped the young Feryk?

My brother is a pure soul, one of those beings one is blessed to be around. He's grown up in a female dominated home and is great with the ladies, empathetic, sensitive, a good listener and a gentle soul.

He has an apartment which they would probably move to eventually.


Yes, I think so. I lived with my wife for 2 years prior to marriage. The first couple of years after marriage were still an adjustment for us both. Your brother is either a saint or a woman in a man's body from how you describe him.

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 10:01 AM
There is much sound advice on this here thread.
Is it OK to cry now, Cornelius?
8970

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 10:02 AM
Also Dagon needs to give your brother "the Talk".

What is his stance on Milkshake Parties and Jailbait CosPlay?

billy sol hurok
14th June 13, 10:13 AM
Also Dagon needs to give your brother "the Talk".

What is his stance on wifey supplementing fambly income with some babysitting?

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 10:26 AM
Slow your roll, Billy.
No need for scaring the poor mincer, yet.

Soften him up and lure him in with promises of poolside nubile young tender flesh

Feryk
14th June 13, 03:13 PM
There is much sound advice on this here thread.
Is it OK to cry now, Cornelius?
8970

Every time I think you have peaked, you find a new way to surprise me. I don't have Bitchtits, FYI.

Harpy
14th June 13, 03:13 PM
His fiancÚ used to babysit and still occasionally does. However she's 28, has nearly completed her PhD and is also a forum administrator on the side. She's no Sieg.

Feryk - we used to cross dress him as a child. That's what happens when you have four older sisters.

Feryk
14th June 13, 03:14 PM
Slow your roll, Billy.
No need for scaring the poor mincer, yet.

Soften him up and lure him in with promises of poolside nubile young tender flesh

resolve is still saving himself, but you can dangle him as a carrot, I suppose.

Feryk
14th June 13, 03:16 PM
His fiancÚ used to babysit and still occasionally does. However she's 28, has nearly completed her PhD and is also a forum administrator on the side. She's no Sieg.

Feryk - we used to cross dress him as a child. That's what happens when you have four older sisters.

Ah. So he's doomed.

NoBowie
14th June 13, 03:17 PM
His fiancÚ used to babysit and still occasionally does. However she's 28, has nearly completed her PhD and is also a forum administrator on the side. She's no Sieg.


So your advice needs to be how he can get a Sieg on the side.

▄ser Friendly
14th June 13, 03:30 PM
we used to cross dress him as a child. That's what happens when you have four older sisters.

LOL

I have two older sisters and they used to gang up on me mercilessly and goad me into violence

Harpy
14th June 13, 03:52 PM
While you wore a dress right?

If your face now is any hint of what you looked like as a child, I can understand your sisters' actions.

billy sol hurok
14th June 13, 04:08 PM
His fiancÚ used to babysit and still occasionally does. However she's 28, has nearly completed her PhD and is also a forum administrator on the side. She's no Sieg.

Maybe if she tried some pigtails and a cheesy plaid schoolgurl skirt?


So your advice needs to be how he can get a Sieg on the side.

Flight lessons + tracksuit + conscience-ectomy?

▄ser Friendly
14th June 13, 04:12 PM
While you wore a dress right?

If your face now is any hint of what you looked like as a child, I can understand your sisters' actions.

You're all the same

billy sol hurok
14th June 13, 04:24 PM
You're all the same

"All women are alike. They just got different faces so that the men can tell them apart." --wisecracking gal pal in Fritz Lang's "Human Desire."

Harpy
14th June 13, 04:49 PM
doofa - honey, come here. I'm sorry.

What we need is a prayer circle or in lieu of that all you guys have a drink for another one of your brethren to fall to a woman's clutches.

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 04:50 PM
His fiancÚ used to babysit and still occasionally does. However she's 28, has nearly completed her PhD and is also a forum administrator on the side. She's no Sieg.
Well...no duh.
She's his sugarmomma.
He's her Sieg.
She's gonna be passing him around to all the old men at the swinger's parties.



Feryk - we used to cross dress him as a child. That's what happens when you have four older sisters.

So you dressed him like a boy?

Harpy
14th June 13, 05:16 PM
I'm guessing you wish you had older siblings who liked you?

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 05:41 PM
I would rather have been an only child.

Harpy
14th June 13, 06:07 PM
Cry me a river.

Spade: The Real Snake
14th June 13, 06:27 PM
My older sister, whom wanted to drop me down the hospital steps, never offered any of this pre-marital advice.

Perhaps my snarky aggression is merely a mask, to hide my pain and lonliness.

Harpy
14th June 13, 06:32 PM
I'm watching Jane Eyre, you'd do a mean Rochester.

I'm sorry you and Doofa suffered at the hands of your sisters :(

NoBowie
14th June 13, 06:38 PM
My older sister, whom wanted to drop me down the hospital steps, never offered any of this pre-marital advice.

Perhaps my snarky aggression is merely a mask, to hide my pain and lonliness.

My younger sister tried to knife me once. Kicked it out of her hand. (bad form, I know)

Harpy
14th June 13, 06:46 PM
KrOtTy!!1!

Harpy
14th June 13, 06:53 PM
tell him you have no advice cuz your marriage blows and burst into uncontrollable sobs. that'll tell him everything he needs to know about marriage.
I'd love to know the Sociocider whose marriage does not blow. Now cry on my large shoulder Mandrill, it's okay.

▄ser Friendly
15th June 13, 03:34 AM
My marraige would not blow, only for my wife

Angry Mandrill
15th June 13, 08:17 AM
17 years of blowing and counting.

is 'large shoulder' aussie-speak for 'ample bosom,' by any chance?

Harpy
15th June 13, 09:17 AM
Nyet.

They'd have to be inflatable to be at shoulder height.

Harpy
15th June 13, 09:19 AM
Forgot to mention this. My boy used to carry me once in a while but injured his back a few years ago (not related to carrying me) and doesn't anymore :(

All you married guys go right now and lift up your wife and your marriage won't blow so hard tonight.

Spade: The Real Snake
15th June 13, 10:20 AM
Forgot to mention this. My boy used to carry me once in a while but injured his back a few years ago (not related to carrying me) and doesn't anymore :(
That's what you get for marrying a fucking faggoty cricket fan.
You had the pick of ALL those martial artists and you chose a queer in a sweater and cream slacks.
Anyone who stops participating in a sport to have tea and cucumber sandwiches can't be expected to lift much.

You chose......poorly.

Spade: The Real Snake
15th June 13, 10:21 AM
My younger sister tried to knife me once. Kicked it out of her hand. (bad form, I know)

What happened to you?

NoBowie
15th June 13, 11:45 AM
What happened to you?

Nothing. We were arguing in the kitchen, I was winning, she got pissed and grabbed a knife.

I successfully kicked it out of her hand and then kicked her in the stomach and walked away.

I think I was 17 and she was 16 at that time.

Spade: The Real Snake
15th June 13, 11:57 AM
Nothing. We were arguing in the kitchen, I was winning, she got pissed and grabbed a knife.

I successfully kicked it out of her hand and then kicked her in the stomach and walked away.

I think I was 17 and she was 16 at that time.

No.
What happened to you, as in, when did you lose your balls?

NoBowie
15th June 13, 12:13 PM
No.
What happened to you, as in, when did you lose your balls?

I don't know. I have them at work and when I am behind the wheel, just nowhere else.

I had them when I was in Arizona. Maybe moving back to Seattle ruined me.

Harpy
15th June 13, 03:00 PM
Wow, NoB and I have both disarmed crazy women in the kitchen. Twins 4eva.

Spade: The Real Snake
15th June 13, 03:27 PM
I don't know. I have them at work and when I am behind the wheel, just nowhere else.
So when it's relatively safe?
Got it.


I had them when I was in Arizona. Maybe moving back to Seattle ruined me.

-nySkau-deI

Harpy
15th June 13, 06:02 PM
Snake - I always have a giggle reading the posts where you emasculate other guys.

▄ser Friendly
15th June 13, 06:02 PM
I don't know. I have them at work and when I am behind the wheel, just nowhere else.

I had them when I was in Arizona. Maybe moving back to Seattle ruined me.


Hey

i found some balls, and i checked and they're not mine

maybe they're yours

Harpy
16th June 13, 04:24 AM
NoB's are adamantium.

So the bride-to-be's hens night is next Saturday and given that her sister V and I are the oldest attendees we're chaperoning which suits me. On the upside she's a bit of a geek so it's a sci-fi theme. Guess I can't use my eye patch with my Inara get up.

Pie of Hate
16th June 13, 05:01 AM
8971

Harpy
16th June 13, 06:04 AM
I have it on good authority that we're going to have a fat Katniss and quite a few Hogwarts schoolgirls. It's winter here so there'll be a semblance of modesty.

Harpy
16th June 13, 06:08 AM
Fabulous designs Cake.

Pie of Hate
16th June 13, 07:11 AM
How about this then.

8972

Feryk
17th June 13, 02:07 PM
What about that then?

I don't recall morphs in Dune mythos, but I'm old and could have forgotten.

Pie of Hate
17th June 13, 02:25 PM
Wrong Harkonnen. That is a pic of a lady cosplying Seras Victoria from Hellsing.

Still schecksy but a bit more modest than an R2D2 swimsuit.

Harpy
17th June 13, 09:31 PM
Lightbulb moment last night. I'm taking my brother for a mani-pedi before the wedding with my other sister in tow.

NoBowie
17th June 13, 10:02 PM
Lightbulb moment last night. I'm taking my brother for a mani-pedi happy-ending massage before the wedding with my other sister in tow.

Fixed. Don't torture the guy.

▄ser Friendly
17th June 13, 11:46 PM
WTF Lilly

If he gets all excited about it warn the fiance

Harpy
18th June 13, 12:52 AM
Come on, a guy should look and feel equally as good on his wedding day. I bet you got married with hangnail and bunions. It's not like he's going to get coloured nail polish, just a clear top coat to maintain the condition.

Spade: The Real Snake
18th June 13, 12:57 AM
Why don't you just buy him an Audi and send him to Eastern Washington with an Eastern European mail-order beard?

Harpy
18th June 13, 01:16 AM
He drives a Holden, owns a Maltese and a Bichon Frise, has tatts and a couple of understated piercing and is a slightly emo metrosexual.

Harpy
18th June 13, 02:33 AM
So now it has become a Max Brenner stop + mani/pedi + haircut + mother is coming along.

Angry Mandrill
18th June 13, 06:18 AM
He drives a Holden, owns a Maltese and a Bichon Frise, has tatts and a couple of understated piercing and is a slightly emo metrosexual.

when did oz legalize gay marriage?

Spade: The Real Snake
18th June 13, 09:03 AM
Ok, so I was just forced into Googling a shitton of that fucking faggotry.
thx Lilz.

NoBowie
18th June 13, 09:40 AM
Why don't you just buy him an Audi and send him to Eastern Washington with an Eastern European mail-order beard?

Only a rare breed of man is worthy of such an honor.

Feryk
18th June 13, 03:14 PM
Yes, look at how UNIQUE you are!

Good boy!

Harpy
18th June 13, 08:43 PM
I say this as a compliment Snake. You are the BIGGEST fag6ot on this site (your shoe collection, t-shirts, designer work clothing and underwear, fashionable hairstyles etc.).

Spade: The Real Snake
19th June 13, 10:50 AM
You hurt my feelings.
I am going to treat myself to a mani-pedi to numb the pain.

Feryk
19th June 13, 11:27 AM
As long as your mani/pedis don't come with a nekkid backrub from an oiled up Swedish body builder, then fine.

Harpy
19th June 13, 06:07 PM
Just received a text from my brother who landed in Sydney today after his bucks week. He says he loves San Fran and wants to live there.

Snake, you'll show him the ropes right?

Harpy
19th June 13, 06:08 PM
You hurt my feelings.
I am going to treat myself to a mani-pedi to numb the pain.

You love it you big ho.

Spade: The Real Snake
19th June 13, 08:47 PM
No, I can't help him
I'm not a homosexual


Sent by telekinesis via Cerebro

Harpy
20th June 13, 12:29 AM
Your life hangs in the balance. The mob king demands you take him over his desk or else you'll be fed into the acid pool of piranhas under your dangling feet (you're hog tied and gagged in your designer CKs 3.2 metres above said pool).

Would you do him?

▄ser Friendly
20th June 13, 01:30 AM
Snake, you'll show him the ropes right?

http://i1137.photobucket.com/albums/n505/doofaloofa/snakerope_zps19667c14.jpg (http://s1137.photobucket.com/user/doofaloofa/media/snakerope_zps19667c14.jpg.html)

Spade: The Real Snake
20th June 13, 08:18 AM
Hallelujah, It's-A-Rainin' Menz!

▄ser Friendly
20th June 13, 11:46 AM
Is it cold in San Francisco, or are you please to see us?

NoBowie
20th June 13, 11:48 AM
Be ready to be jealous. I am flying to San Francisco next Thursday to look at someone's rack...























of servers.

NoBowie
20th June 13, 02:07 PM
http://i1143.photobucket.com/albums/n624/Egg_NoB/mcd_zps0fd15f40.jpg

Feryk
20th June 13, 03:43 PM
Be ready to be jealous. I am flying to San Francisco next Thursday to look at someone's rack...























of servers.

I thought you had a gal pal who lived out that way. Perhaps you could peek at another rack while out that way?

NoBowie
20th June 13, 03:58 PM
I thought you had a gal pal who lived out that way. Perhaps you could peek at another rack while out that way?

She has gone rock climbing crazy in the last six months and lost her rack and her ass.

Spade: The Real Snake
20th June 13, 04:18 PM
Thankfully, you still have yours

Harpy
20th June 13, 07:15 PM
Her donkey was collateral damage?

NoB - is it for work?

NoBowie
20th June 13, 07:21 PM
Aye.

Feryk
21st June 13, 03:19 PM
Look her up anyways. You need a shoulder to cry on.

▄ser Friendly
21st June 13, 04:43 PM
You slut

NoBowie
21st June 13, 05:10 PM
You need a shoulder to cry on.

I would prefer a bosom for a pillow.

Harpy
21st June 13, 07:49 PM
Shower crying is the best.

NoBowie
21st June 13, 07:50 PM
Golden showers are the best.

Harpy
1st July 13, 04:39 PM
You'll be disappointed to know he's not a cabana boy. He has politely vetoed the mani-pedi/facial appointment.

Spade: The Real Snake
1st July 13, 05:10 PM
You'll be disappointed to know he's not a cabana boy. He has politely vetoed the mani-pedi/facial appointment.

He doesn't want to cheat on Raul.

Feryk
2nd July 13, 03:36 PM
You'll be disappointed to know he's not a cabana boy. He has politely vetoed the mani-pedi/facial appointment.

There may be hope for him yet.

NoBowie
20th July 17, 11:24 AM
How is this marriage going? Did he gain some balls?



http://i.imgur.com/RRjXtVi.gif

Harpy
20th July 17, 04:02 PM
They are doing well, thank you for asking. At 33 and she is 32, they have two dogs, no kids (by choice). They've renovated their home, hes still running his business, they travel a lot, he's become vegetarian (wifey is not), does nature photography on the side.

I couldn't be more proud of my brother :)

NoBowie
20th July 17, 04:20 PM
Sounds great except for the vegetarian part. That's an emotional choice, no logic there.