View Full Version : Short Story: A Wiser Shade Of Pale.

Toby Christensen
1st December 10, 05:04 AM
The bony arm shot out and struck the posturing kung fu student across the face. He collapsed, his look of macho glee dissolving as the spindly scowling figure in front of him hoiked a booted foot into his ribs.

"I'm going to allow this" the judge. Grumbling went up from the crowd. The figure withdrew from the mat and loped across to sit back down...

"Mr Christensen, you won"... the judge began.
"Not really!" the surly man sitting on the bleacher stand responded.
"Well it IS time to get up for ya medal!" spoke the judge. He did so as to an overenthusiastic child.

The man shot him a weary look and climbed on stage. Being motioned to the podium the man stood while the judge spoke of "bravery" and "courage" and "honour" and "mastery". He spoke of "martial skill" He began to speak of "overcoming a 'handicap'" when an angry shout cut him off.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" shouted the pod headed man he had tried to entice with an electroplated medallion.

"Ladies and gentlemen.... I HAVE been bullied and persecuted my whole life... I DID turn to martial arts as an academic subject and a means of self defence. I became obsessed."

"I became manic and psychotic. I was filled with such urges and such evil mindedness as I can never fully make go away from my reputation."

"But for me, the beauty of the Bullshido event that has attracted fighters lies in the clique of people I have fallen in with. It is in the voluminous creamy bulk of Lulzy, the Naziesque short arsedness of Vieux, the stocky spiky haired spunkiness of Syberia, the relentless homoerotica of NOB."

"It is in food tips, and fashion tips, and trivia, and general knowledge. It is in discussions, discourses, in topic threads and trolling."

"Yes, learning to beat the shit out of the evil in the Universe is important, but for fuck's sake, the pen is usually mightier than the sword people. You wanna see the most deadly weapon I carry?" He poked out his pallid tongue and popped it back in melodramatically.

"Stupidity can't be fought by mere aggression. That's how wars start."

The figure walked arrogantly out of the hall, his lolworthy ways nonetheless proud as he made for the nude hippy girls down the street. Today was truly an excellent day to stop hating and start living.

1st December 10, 06:06 AM
The valium is working.

1st December 10, 06:57 AM
You missed the November cut off.

Seriously - self-aware humour, clever turn of phrase, intelligence...you got it Toby, but we knew that.