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View Full Version : Short Story: Blue Lights On Broadway



Frank White
10th November 10, 11:26 PM
“Joe. I need a raise. And I need a loan.”

“Ah jeez.. Yeah, about that, Lee, first off, no.”

“FUCK! Wait, to the loan, or the raise? I need to pay my rent. So I need the fuckin’ loan. Now.”

“Yeah, sure, OK, but no raise. In fact, you know, I can’t loan you the bread neither.”

“And why the fuck not?! I need to pay my rent, Joe. Same shit every month. I’m not makin’ enough to get by, you know that.”

“Close the door, OK? Just, close the door. Lee, I gotta let you go. Not from the janitor job, You can still do that, if you want.”

“FUCK! Why? You know I need the job. Serious? I’m the best! You know that.”

“Sam found out. He already told me about that shit. We got rules here. You can’t even take your freakin shirt off with them swastiker tats. You don’t pay house fee, you sure as heck can’t do lap dances- heck, it ain’t even a male strip club! You’re the only guy here and you weigh what! Three hundred pounds? The freakin beard? Cmon man…you’re a clown, Lee… just a sad clown.”

“ My tats, huh? I did what I had to in Tracy. Did you?”

Joe looks down. He looks at the bulletin board, and looks at the schedule. Lee goes up at 8:00. Every night. Shift change. He looks back at Lee.

“Look. Sam says. “What can I do? It’s his club. What’s the freakin point of it anyways, huh ?”

“Point is, I’m the best. You know that.”

*

He walks out of the office, shaking. Counting his breath, like he learned in anger management class. He hated those fucking classes. He breathes harder. He hates the small room full of cleaning supplies where he hides. He hates the smell of bleach and vanilla. He breathes it in. He hates the music playing and the junky bitch who chose it. Nickelback, Reyna plays it every fucking time. Can’t dance for shit. Fucking mindless cunt, I’m the best. I’m the best. Calm now, he checks the clock, it’s almost 8:00. Show time.

He walks up the stairs, He notices a light is burned out along the steps on the right side, Fuck it. Ain’t my problem. The girls smile as he makes his way past them to the DJ booth. They must know what up, they never smile. They hate him. Jealous cunts. Criccet’s the DJ tonight. Stand up cat in my book.They lock eyes for a second and they turn to the stage. Reyna is scooping up the few dollars scattered on the stage, her fake smile matches her fake breasts.

“Mazzy Star, Criccet, Track 5.”

Pause. “you got it, Lee. Track 5.”

The house lights go from red to blue.

“GENTLEMEN, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER…FOR LEE.”

*

He takes to the stage, looking down. With rag in hand, he wipes down the mirrors, as the music starts. His wiping motions ease into the tempo of the song. Like an angel playing a harp. He glides over to the brass pole in a swift confident stride. He rubs the rag up and down the pole self conciously, illiciting laughter from the floor. The regulars don’t laugh, though. He stops. He looks briefly into the inanimate camera focused on stage. This ones for you, Joe. He turns from the pole and sends the rag flying into Criccets waiting hand. He spins back to the pole and holds it, his hulking frame effortlessly flies upwards. Pause, then slowly spins down. Like a butterfly dancing with a flower. It seems to take forever. He stops a hairs width from the floor, only his ankle hooked around the pole. The laughter stops. A tear would fall if Lee could cry. He swallows his pain and snakes across floor. Spins, fall, freeze. Never a routine, never the same. Always from the soul. Every song in The Garden Of Eden lasts two minutes, but Criccet plays the song to it’s end. The girls are watching, this time without envy. The song ends, Lee buries his face in his hands. The lights go dim, and he makes his way past the curtains and towards the back door.

On his way out he hears Joe say “You were the best, Lee. The best ever.”

Harpy
10th November 10, 11:53 PM
Gold. I feel the need to thank you Frank.

Spade: The Real Snake
11th November 10, 04:55 AM
awesome!

resolve
11th November 10, 05:53 AM
This is good.

jvjim
11th November 10, 06:08 AM
Excellent.

Lebell
11th November 10, 06:30 AM
meh..

Spade: The Real Snake
11th November 10, 07:18 AM
not every story can be inspired by you, Lubey

Nasreal
11th November 10, 07:23 AM
I am stunned. That was...a masterful little story. I love it. I laughed, I cried, it had everything. Bravo.

Lebell
11th November 10, 07:48 AM
not every story can be inspired by you, Lubey

I know that, its just that the harsh language puts me off.
Can't Frank just say Darnit instead of fuck?
it makes it vulgair.

Frank White
11th November 10, 08:19 AM
Joe doesn't curse. Lee does.

AND... if you play Blue Lights by Mazzy Star while Lee dances, it's even more...meh.

Lebell
11th November 10, 12:06 PM
You got potential kid.
Keep trying.

Fairy XXXmas
11th November 10, 12:18 PM
God damn. Why do I have to agree with Lebell?

I really liked it, but it's so close to being epic. Like, truly epic and not in the internet use of the term.

Please. Revise it and make it even more perfect. Not the story, the language. The end doesn't shine and it needs to. Lee has this tumult of emotions and connection with the other people in the club, but the readers doesn't fully feel the experience.

Make it vivid.

Nasreal
11th November 10, 10:04 PM
God damn. Why do I have to agree with Lebell?

See, I don't have to deal with that, since I blocked him lol. So now I don't have to worry about the world shattering eventuality that he might say something I agree with.

Lebell
12th November 10, 04:19 AM
why does nasreal keep repeatibng that he has me on his ignorelist?
im starting to notice a pattern here.
i think, deep down inside he wants to unblock me.
time will tell.

on topic: what helmut said, frank.

Harpy
12th November 10, 05:49 AM
helmut - The word limit constrains the writer somewhat and despite that, Frank shines.

How about you write at least one story and let yourself be judged. Chicken?

Fairy XXXmas
12th November 10, 07:58 AM
helmut - The word limit constrains the writer somewhat and despite that, Frank shines.

How about you write at least one story and let yourself be judged. Chicken?

I'm trying to be helpful, so fuck you.

And I also have an entire month to write my story. So maybe I have something awesome on the backburner.

Lebell
12th November 10, 10:05 AM
im not holding my breath though.