View Full Version : Short Story: Rebel - man of mystery

7th November 10, 05:09 PM
Rebel swung his long lean legs onto a bar stool with an internal smirk as he felt numerous sets of eyes on him. Guys and dolls…they all had something to learn from him and he knew it and tasted the power that gave him. The scrape of a shot glass sliding his way had him tipping his head ever so slightly to acknowledge the swarthy blond sitting at the corner of the worn oak bar. Curls of smoke and the flickering lighting conspired to waft an image of arrogance and age in and out. Rebel was a loner he didn’t need these parasites and should have blown this joint a decade ago but he did enjoy knowing their every move before they made it heard their petty thoughts before their neurons fired and could have his pick of women with nothing but a sneer and a smack on the ass for good measure. He wasn’t lonely, hell he had drinking buddies and old acquaintances that he was welcome, okay more like they were a little scared of him, that he could join. But tonight he ignored the brick of a man who’d sent him the drink and some familiar faces talking loudly and laughing raucously trying to convince themselves and the butterflies that life was good.

“Table sixteen!” the barman’s voice hoarse but practiced called to the revelers through the dense atmosphere. The aged wood absorbed his words and the smoke came curling back like a silent echo. Rebel hunched down over his drink and looked up from under hooded eyes at Dane, something of a friend as far as any bartender really was to his patrons. Their eyes met and they exchanged friendly nods as Dane was lured back by the calls of more customers. The light of Rebel’s phone flashed another text message from that stupid American he’d banged silly. He switched it off with disdain.

A lithe girl with the look of a Roma unfurled herself from her group of friends and came to collect their tray of drinks her fingers brushing the edge of a sleeve as she was jostled by a heavily made up lady scantily dressed in yellow of all colours, who attempted to cut her path to the man nursing his drink in solitude. The round was on her and she knew it would be her last for the night as the swayed a little on her bare feet and thanked the barman in a sweet low voice, his mouth kicked up at the corner as he winked her off.

Anklet jingling as she paved her way back through the crowd, her hands both busy keeping the tray steady, she wasn’t prepared for the hands around her waist lifting her off the floor. “Hey baby I think you need some help” the phantom voice from behind her slurred as his friends laughed around them. She couldn’t see her friends in the sunken lounge area to signal for help. A hand snaked in to grab one of the ale glasses on the tray and she started cursing and twisting. “Let me go you moron. Go buy yourself some company its all you’ll ever get!” Her unseen captor slid his god awful booze infused mouth to her ear his stubble grazing her soft skin “Oh really sugar?” his fingers now digging into her waist as her breath hitched in fear. His hyena-like pack looked on wild-eyed waiting for the fun to begin and keeping the scene unfolding hidden from view.

Then from nowhere a flash of menacing justice ripped the offending hands from her and threw him head first into the solid bar. Nadya turned just in time to see his body spasm as he was out cold and in the next instant she stood in the eye of the storm as the pack ignited and with wild whoops descended on the lone man who had naught but the busty hooker pulling him back. He brushed off her annoying hands and started in on the first two idiots. His years of martial arts training stunning shocking and laying them out in a blaze of fists and elbows. Nadya’s hands trembled around the tray as she ducked a bar stool that flew over her head. She was horrified but couldn’t help seeing the humour in herself keeping the drinks safe above all else. The tall stranger had decided to lift the hooker up and use her as a weapon spinning her solid legs into three more of the bastards. She guessed from the screams billowing from the lady of the night that she wasn’t too impressed at being hauled like a sack of potatoes and used as a melee weapon. Thud. He looked down at her lemon-meringue clad rolls of flesh and waggled a finger at her as he simultaneously stepped over her body and swept another man down the few stairs.

He was right in front of the filthy Gyp now. Yes she was beautiful but her people were trash and he saw with satisfaction the gratitude in her eyes change to embarrassed comprehension. Her traitorous gypsy eyes snapped and flashed as she picked up a bottle and swung it to his right, glassing the last of the trouble over the head. He didn’t move and just looked down at her feigning a look that said that he had the situation fully under control.

Startled by a hand at her elbow Nadya sank in relief onto her friend Eleni’s shoulder while another friend freed her hands and stroked her head murmuring words of comfort as he herded the two girls off. She shook herself out of her locked stare with her rude saviour and nodded thanks into his cold blue gaze as they walked away.

Rebel towered over the scene surveying the movement around him as the bar staff and security ejected the attackers. Dane just cocked his head signaling him to come to the back till things cooled off. Justice had no limits and as he’d proven to himself before there was no who would stand up for it as he did. The world needed men like him but when the dust settled all he’d get was contempt and he was fine with that. Those petty stupid children hurtling towards a meaningless death. He looked at the receding figure of the Roma bitch as her mahogany curls and hips swayed towards her friends. There’d be retribution for her. Later.

Angry Mandrill
7th November 10, 05:28 PM
i'm liking the new trend in trolling. yes, indeed.

shame i can't rep you. cuz i would, middle fingers notwithstanding.

7th November 10, 05:30 PM
Oh come on! That middle finger was well deserved!

7th November 10, 05:44 PM
It's well written lily.
too bad you're not white, i would have let you win.

7th November 10, 05:46 PM
Hahahahaah. That was written in 30 minutes and is a piece of crock. You're just flattered I based the character loosely around you. Bias! Unfit to judge!

7th November 10, 05:49 PM
based on me?
that reads nothing like me irl.

7th November 10, 05:53 PM
Check out the thread tags...

7th November 10, 05:54 PM
the what?

Angry Mandrill
7th November 10, 07:49 PM
Oh come on! That middle finger was well deserved!

oh, sure, if you're looking at it from the perspective of sexist objectification of women in general, and you on this board in particular. but if you look at it in the words of a certain playwright, as i do -

Worthy prize to any knight, from battle fresh,
in glory cover’d! Worthy cause of war are they,
an’ worthy its cessation! T’ gaze upon a lass
as this is like to peer into the eyes o’ the gods
themselves, a glance into the firmament!

- then maybe you'd be not quite so perturbed with my proposal.


8th November 10, 05:25 AM
Lily, did you consider becoming a professional author of modern pulp fiction? You know, cheap romantic adventure books that everybody officially looks down upon but millions pay for and read? I'd still like you. :-D

8th November 10, 05:28 AM
Never. I save the trash for Sociocide!

Your story could be easily turned into a tv script btw ;)

8th November 10, 05:47 AM
I am very visual in my writing, basically I write scripts, thinking about maybe trying a comics format too.

8th November 10, 05:51 AM
I have little concept of writing storyboard style. Wish I could. Never know how to convey sound or movement effectively. Then again, I don't exactly practice the art, this is the first i've written anything in about a decade.

Hey, maybe some of you better writers could offer some tips on a new thread? Would go with the month's theme.

8th November 10, 06:14 AM
The game's to be sold, not to be told.

Fairy XXXmas
8th November 10, 09:47 AM
Here's a tip: Shut your fucking mouth.

8th November 10, 10:19 AM
what helmut said.