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Nasreal
7th November 10, 03:53 PM
So to give you an idea, this is loosely based on a homebrew D&D universe that my friends created. Only things that really have anything to do with that are the fact that the main character does poses powers as a wizard, and that there is an insane local university that has a strong effect on the local goings on. Here's how to pronounce the strange words: Teodris= Tay-oh-dris Forsych= for-sick Alain= Al-ane Surith=Soo-rith
For a synopsis I'll tell you that the main character is missing his best friend, and he doesn't let anyone get in his way when he's looking for someone. Please give any feedback, and I hope it is at least entertaining for you. Read on and enjoy. If it is well received perhaps there will be further chapters.
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The weather in the city is surprisingly temperate this morning considering it is currently moving through an outlying desert of Teodris. This desert was one of the more devastating consequences of the always bizarre experiments of the local, University of Lux Tenebris. All sorts of horrible things have happened as a bi-product of their insane research, but as their motto, “We do what we must, because we can.” suggests, they don’t seem to care too much as long as the end result is seen as a positive. Probably the worst bit of collateral damage was an incident in which thirty two local children disappeared and several of them were returned as sentient pieces of office furniture. As you can imagine, the local citizenry, were none too pleased with the fact that some of their children were now fashionable high backed armchairs or roll-top desks. Not that they remember any longer, it was deemed that they should have their memories altered to avoid a mass hysteria. The only comment the University officials would give was that they had made some huge step toward finding a chair that actually provided lumbar support, instead of just poking you in the back. Of the thirty two children only six were turned into furniture, but none of them was ever quite right again. One now has a table top lamp growing out of his head like some grotesque human angler fish.
In general it is seen as an unavoidable consequence of the good that the University produces, but I for one wish that they would not end up mutating people or turning large parts of our beautiful continent into vast wastelands with nothing but cracked earth and a big problem with scorpions, but I digress. As I said, the city is moving through this unusual desert, and speaking of which this city is one of the greatest things the university has done for us…though that may have been a complete accident, depending on whose opinion you choose to listen to. For my part, I think they did it mostly on purpose; they created this city on the back of a sleeping beast and woke the leviathan that moves us wherever its will takes it. As with anything else they do, I have no faith that their intentions were good in doing this. I do not know what the creature that supports our fair city looks like, having lived here all of my life, but I like to imagine it as a great bear walking through the world with us growing barely seeming more than moss on his back from afar.
This day, due to the poisoned air in this sector, I have donned my gas mask and top hat and cloak, packed my sword-stick and come here to the gates of the University near what we call the head of the city. I am here to investigate the disappearance of a good friend of mine, and intend to ascertain whether or not he is here. If it turns out that he is here, against his will or perhaps even of his own volition, I attempt to procure him as I fear for his good health and sanity. If anyone intends to stand in my way, I intend to make heads roll. If the sword will not persuade them, that nasty little trick I picked up from the city’s wizards guild. This could get rather messy. Though in my experience, when things turn messy, I tend to come out fairly well anyway. The gates are huge. They look more like they belong on a prison or a fortress than surrounding an institution of learning and alchemy. I have got to find some way in, besides the obvious. Scratch that, I think I’ll just go bang on the door. I walk up to the large wooden doors, easily ten feet across per door and three times again as tall. I take the end of my sword-stick and strike it sharply against the door. I can hear the loud sound rebounding off the walls inside, the chamber beyond this door must be quite large.
After waiting several moments, the door slowly slides back without a sound, surprising for a door of its size. A tall skinny man in a white lab coat with goggles perched atop his bald head stares at me. “Hello, I am professor Elington, what can I do for you?” he asked. “You can tell me where I can find my friend.” “And who might that be, mister…uhm?”
“You can call me Forsych, and you can stop playing dumb. I know that you know who I am, and you know who I am looking for.” It’s not as if the disappearance was exactly low key. My friend Alain happens to be the son of a rather wealthy family in the city. I, being the only non-native resident of the city, and prominent wizard’s guild member am well known enough that his questioning of my name is rather insulting. Elington’s cheeky little fox like grin is beginning to severely bother me, and he had better hope that his next words tell me exactly where to find Alain. “Ah, right, Mr. Forsych, well if you are speaking of Sir Alain Surith I can assure you no one here has any clue as to his whereabouts.”, he said still grinning in that incredibly irritating fashion. “Wrong answer.” I slipped my inside my coat and pulled out a nasty little knife with a useful ability. It can open a tear in the fabric of the physical planes, and momentarily open a portal to the feywild. As I grabbed the knife and pulled it from it’s sheath, I reached out with the other hand and grabbed the good professor by his coat, having closed the short distance between us. Pulling him close I took the goggles on is head, yanked them back and let them snap onto his face. With a quick slice into the air beside us, I turned him around and threw him into the fey. Several seconds later the portal was closed, and I wondered if that had gotten somebody’s attention.
Inside the doors was a large circular chamber with a black marble floor. The symbol of the university, a silver silhouette of a fox with red eyes, and a key around his neck. In on the side wall off to the right there is a huge staircase that goes spiraling up into the darkness, and I can only see about twenty feet ahead of me. I begin to climb the stairs and mostly on instinct begin heading for the higher floors hoping that this will lead me to Alain. I meet several people along the way; none of them pay me much notice. Until some men who were obviously some sort of security, they are wearing armor and carrying swords, appear in front of me. I waste no time and leave them bleeding in my wake from my Wall of Text power. In short, I forced a million volumes full of text to be processed by their feeble brains in the space of less then a second. They fell dead with blood pouring from their eyes and ears. I do not intend to waste time. I race for the top of the stairs. After a several minutes I reach the top landing, and take in my surroundings. The heavy wooden door in front of me feels like a trap, the one to my left more certainly so. I head for the door on the right and draw the sword from inside its sheath that disguises it quite convincingly as a walking stick made from gnarled wood. I destroy the door with a quick blast of fire and step through the smoldering remains into the room and stair dumbfounded directly at Alain and several other people sitting casually around a table. “What in the hell is going on here?!” I shout from the top of my lungs? Alain turned towards me and shrugged, “Job offer.”

Tonuzaba
7th November 10, 04:05 PM
Nice one. This begs for more and I'd like to read more. Questions come up and need answers, at hand in a longer text (how come security is so shitty in such a feared and powerful institution? why is Forsych so easy with taking lives?, etc...)

Comb through it for typos, though. :-)

Nasreal
7th November 10, 04:07 PM
I did sort of end it on a cliffhanger. I am going to work on more :3

Lebell
7th November 10, 04:12 PM
A short story shouldnt end with a cliffhanger.
You arent even trying.
A short story must have some kinda ending otherweise it's not a short story but a piece of text.

Nasreal
7th November 10, 04:13 PM
haha lebell thinks he's not on my ignore list.

Lebell
7th November 10, 04:15 PM
your story still sucks, whether im on your ignore list or not.

Nasreal
7th November 10, 04:21 PM
I'm guessing here, but if you're trying to inform me that I CAN see your posts if I click that little button, I'd rather not thanks.

Harpy
7th November 10, 05:12 PM
Good try nas. There's humour and I'd like more of the detail fleshed out. That's all writing is about, giving it a go :) Plus I haven't exactly seen Lebell write anything

Anyway I think that every single one of the Vertically Challenged has now submitted stories. We rock.

Nasreal
7th November 10, 05:44 PM
There was a point when I thought I might want to write for a living. Who knows, maybe some day I'll write a book. I enjoy writing fiction, some poetry, and stuffs like that. I don't necessarily think this one will win or anything, just felt like writing. Will post a continuation to this at least. I also have an idea for a horror short story that i might just put up on here. But I lol every time i see lebell posting in threads trollin people, because to me it looks like they are arguing with themseleves :P

Harpy
7th November 10, 05:52 PM
Keep on writing, share it with those closest to you and perfect your craft.

Lebell doesn't come across as a guy that enjoys frivolous fiction.

Lebell
7th November 10, 05:53 PM
Good try nas. There's humour and I'd like more of the detail fleshed out. That's all writing is about, giving it a go :) Plus I haven't exactly seen Lebell write anything



woman, im the judge, i cant enter competition.

Nasreal
7th November 10, 08:25 PM
Keep on writing, share it with those closest to you and perfect your craft.

Lebell doesn't come across as a guy that enjoys frivolous fiction.

I value your opinion, thank you.
Lebell's not so much, as is made obvious by the fact that he's been on my ignore list since like 08

resolve
7th November 10, 09:00 PM
You have the making of a decent fantasy narrative here. However, you need to watch your grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. These are all merely formal issues and I'm sure you'll get better as you go on.

The main thing you should really be focusing on is what exactly are you trying to get across with your story. Just what are you trying to say? You have alot of detail and things which I'm sure were in the D+D campaign but don't come across to the reader very well. Also, some things don't make much sense, such as seeing the desert around the city but being on a great beast and thinking that you are but moss growing on its back. A bit strange. They seem extraneous to the narrative and with a bit of pruning you'd have a much sharper story.

Nasreal
7th November 10, 10:27 PM
Yeah, true enough...I think that comes from the fact that I sort of adapted this to make it shorter. Or more to the point, it is a story in and of itself but also a part of a larger story. As for the confusion about the city itself I am sorry. I'll tighten that up as it goes on maybe, or just revise the original. But to state here, the city itself is quite lush and green. The entity that is moving it is quite massive, larger than a mountain, so big in fact that the city is small in comparison. However it is not a continent by itself and the weather of the desert through which it is passing is effecting the weather in the city. And the desert itself is visible from the city. The character is musing that, from a distance, the city must appear to be nothing more than a part of the whole, a moss growing on the back. If I continue this, I'll also tighten up some of the things that were part of the D&D campaign.

Tonuzaba
8th November 10, 03:39 AM
Btw, one of the first things that came to my mind is "what if the beast rolls over or scrubs its back against something?" :-)))

Lebell
8th November 10, 06:16 AM
Lebell's not so much, as is made obvious by the fact that he's been on my ignore list since like 08

lololol!
the ego is sucha frail thing.

Nasreal
8th November 10, 08:39 PM
Btw, one of the first things that came to my mind is "what if the beast rolls over or scrubs its back against something?" :-)))

I believe the people at the University would have something up their sleeves for that eventuality.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
8th November 10, 08:47 PM
Goddamn that shit looks ugly. Please learn to format the English language.

Nasreal
8th November 10, 09:17 PM
Goddamn that shit looks ugly. Please learn to format the English language.

Meh, copied out of my word processor.

Nasreal
8th November 10, 09:24 PM
Also, MJS, perfect your art.
http://i257.photobucket.com/albums/hh225/Nasreal/vertical-trolling-art.jpg

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
8th November 10, 10:05 PM
Word processors are infinitely easier to compose with than the reply box. If I was an English teacher you'd be losing mad points for style.

Nasreal
8th November 10, 11:00 PM
Word processors are infinitely easier to compose with than the reply box. If I was an English teacher you'd be losing mad points for style.
You're way to sexy to be an english teacher bro, no homo.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
8th November 10, 11:09 PM
yeah but i look so cute in tweed jackets with elbow patches

Nasreal
8th November 10, 11:13 PM
Still, don't teach English. Too many Yeats fangirls be nut ridin'