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Vieux Normand
25th January 10, 03:14 PM
It's Saturday night at the club. Temperature about twenty degrees above average outside, plus a lot of many nations' military on shore leave, mean the venue is packed with howling geniuses attempting to dance or something.

Management having been caught off-guard by the weather, the security staffing is about half what it should be. The effect, of course, is that visible security presence is not there to prevent the inevitable and numbers are not there to deal with that inevitability in proper fashion. The bouncers are thinly spread among a packed crowd, which means any backup that is called will be much longer than usual in arriving when necessary.

Nevertheless, all seems well...until about 0200H, when several sizeable brawls break out simultaneously all over the club. My section--the front door--has a VIP section right next to it and all remains calm there, but a nearby stairway suddenly becomes the arena for a lively exchange of views between a card-carrying gargantuan (somewhere between 260 and 280 on a 5'11" frame and none of it fat) and a more normal-phenotypic patron. I help the bouncer in that section get both of them out the door (we normally get antagonists out different doors, but there's no way to do it under present circumstances), whereupon megalifter promptly goes after his foe with a lunging left to the face that threatens to knock him into moving traffic.

When this outcome doesn't occur, juiceloader goes after him again and I can't think of anything to do (anything that would work on an enraged imbecile that size) but kubi-nage into face-down RNC on the sidewalk. I can't actually cut off his airway without looking at jail-time, so I press upward into his jaw with the choking arm instead of back-and-up, while keeping the other hand hard on the back of his head. I've got his back and remain on one of his shoulders (all my weight on his back can lead to positional asphyxia...again, jail-time). With his head immobilised like this, he can't try to reposition without threatening his own neck, so he settles down until the cops arrive. The other bouncer--and then a third finally arriving--are there to keep his buddies off (or I wouldn't have gone to ground in the first place). Normal-sized-guy has run away.

When the police arrive and ask me to let him up, he gets all weepy, hangs his bison-like head and asks, in an indignant voice, with the cops present:

"What good is it do do all this working out if I can't pound some faggot-assed little bitch? What the fuck good is it?"

One cop facepalms; the other shakes his head. I suggest to our new friend that a club, public venue or anywhere else likely to contain some kind of enforcement presence may not be the optimal choice in terms of fulfilling his noble ambition.

"Fuck, there's always gotta be cops an' shit. No freedom anywhere."

Whereupon the constables take our exhausted hero to their conveyance while he elaborates on the subject of state and corporate interference in the rights of individuals.

Well, there you have it--a delving into the more rarified realms of philosophy:

What good is it do do all that working-out if you can't pound some little bitch into moving traffic?

jvjim
25th January 10, 03:19 PM
Wow, two things. First, you've written a pretty powerful piece in a language I'm assuming is not your native tongue. Two, why the fuck is a smart dude, particularly a smart older dude, working at some stupid fucking club?

Steve
25th January 10, 03:19 PM
I guess it gets some guys pussy, so there's that I suppose.

KO'd N DOA
25th January 10, 04:27 PM
I'm catching a subtile tone where your own desire to asphxiate deserving people is in fact thwarted by state and corporate interference.

Cullion
25th January 10, 04:35 PM
One day the need to choke a bitch will be greater than the fear of jailtime, and until that moment comes, you can be ready. I mean, uh, he can be ready.

bob
25th January 10, 04:51 PM
I don't know Vieux but he seems a fairly utilitarian kind of guy. Choke a bitch, don't choke a bitch, it's all one to him as long as the job gets done. Besides what greater reward for effort can you ask for than that priceless soliloquy?

Lights Out
25th January 10, 04:57 PM
Waiting for TLH.

jnp
25th January 10, 05:19 PM
Wow, two things. First, you've written a pretty powerful piece in a language I'm assuming is not your native tongue. Two, why the fuck is a smart dude, particularly a smart older dude, working at some stupid fucking club?
You are either completely clueless regarding VN's posting history, or you REALLY know how to push someone's buttons.

jvjim
25th January 10, 05:39 PM
You are either completely clueless regarding VN's posting history, or you REALLY know how to push someone's buttons.

Erm, I just think he writes well, especially compared to the average native English speaker. I mean, his name means "Old Nordic Northern Frenchman."

Cullion
25th January 10, 07:10 PM
Vieux is the French Lebell. And I mean that with a mostly positive connotation.

Zendetta
25th January 10, 07:49 PM
Vieux is Black Sabbath.

LeBell is Spinal Tap.

Ajamil
26th January 10, 01:24 AM
Until all of us are free [to pound skinny bitches], none of us are free. Fight on, French RM, fight on.

Kiko
26th January 10, 03:45 PM
Vieux is Black Sabbath.

LeBell is Spinal Tap.

But Spinal Tap was funny....

Keep on, Vieux! Not TL; Will Read!

danno
27th January 10, 01:23 AM
Vieux is Black Sabbath.

LeBell is Spinal Tap.

this one has his finger on the pulse.

Vieux Normand
27th January 10, 06:57 PM
Wow, two things. First, you've written a pretty powerful piece in a language I'm assuming is not your native tongue. Two, why the fuck is a smart dude, particularly a smart older dude, working at some stupid fucking club?

True, inglés isn't my native tongue. However, in my youth, I watched new arrivals to my own land being all lost and shit because they didn't speak zee Frönch; I resolved that yours-truly would never be such a "person". Wherever I went, I'd plan and learn enough of the language to get around without being an encumbrance to the locals.

Since, I've used this approach before going to such countries as Japan (my wife--far too politely--says I'm fluent in her tongue) and Canada where I currently live and work, paying for my long-loved hobby of long-distance wilderness hiking by throwing combative drunks out of nightclubs.

I'll return to Yurp when I can get decent work there. Meanwhile, what kills me about Canada is the way that country caves in to every single PC demand by new arrivals re: taxpayer-supported services in their own fucking languages, affirmative-action programmes that sweep aside native-born Canadians for good jobs and the like. It's not just that--every night watching slimy, unshaven little middle-easterners at my workplace makes me more racist and immigrant-intolerant than before.

Time to go back to frogland, I think. No slimy fucking little middle-easterners there.

Oh wait...

Cullion
28th January 10, 05:49 PM
I told you he was the French Lebell.

Angry Mandrill
29th January 10, 11:44 PM
Time to go back to frogland, I think. No slimy fucking little middle-easterners there.

Oh wait...
yeah, wait. i think i ran into you in nice a couple-four years ago. i look like this guy:
http://www.smh.com.au/ffximage/2006/07/11/basayev_narrowweb__300x431,0.jpg

i was with my brother-in-law. he looks like this guy:

http://www.ufcmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/Image/march2007/tim_sylvia.jpg

do you remember us? we were by the beach, had a flat tire. we asked you for a jack, cuz ours was broken. you started yelling at us, screaming, in fact. i don't speak frog, so i didn't get it, but my brother-in-law says you told us to go back whence we came, not quite so politely. i shouted at you that you were a fucking midget (you were like 5 ft tall) frog-faced fucking vichy bitch surrender monkey and wanted to kick the crap out of you, but my brother-in-law wouldn't let me.

i gotta hand it to you, you were ballsy, faced with two hairy, slimy, middle-eastern looking fuckers who were twice your size. but next time i see you...

wait, wut? oh, that wasn't you? oh, sorry. it's just, you know, you all look alike...

Vieux Normand
30th January 10, 03:01 PM
...it's just, you know, you all look alike...

Actually, those in other parts of frogland (who all look like darky-little big-eared big-nosed Mediterranean dwarfs) do tend to think us Normans look alike. Maybe the whole übersized Nordic-appearence thing gives them bad memories.

SoilentNinja
30th January 10, 06:08 PM
ZING!!