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View Full Version : cooking for a family BBQ, need to placate vegetarians.



Robot Jesus
10th April 09, 08:28 PM
I already plan on makeing hushpuppies, any other veg that works?

Steve
10th April 09, 09:06 PM
I've always loved portobello mushroom burgers, yum! Great flavor and texture, plus nice and juicy if done right!

http://www.kitchenconnaisseur.com/images/content_images/recipes/mushroom-burger2.jpg

Aphid Jones
10th April 09, 09:54 PM
Seitan is good grilled.

But if you want something simple (if you can get more simple than a seitan recipe), I can give you some kebab ideas I've used.

Also I know a good trick for making grilled sweet and spicy bread.

3moose1
10th April 09, 10:40 PM
Kill the vegetarians and eat them.

MrBadGuy
10th April 09, 11:41 PM
Spread peanut butter all over some meat and say it's "extra EXTRA chunky, now with extra chunk!"

HappyOldGuy
10th April 09, 11:42 PM
Unrocket science.

Marinate onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, zuccini, etc in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and soy sauce. (around 2-2-1) Skewer em and grill em.

Robot Jesus
11th April 09, 12:06 AM
I will be makeing use of a more elaborate smokeing system, briskit is the goal.

I was thinking about smokeing some eggplant; but I want there arteries to fear me.

I want there cardiovascular system to beg for something heathyer than the vegetarian fair I havew provided. I want deep fried bacon to be a healthyer choice that my dishes.

3moose1
11th April 09, 01:16 AM
I want deep fried bacon to be a healthyer choice that my dishes.


God, Will you marry my sister? She's easy, yeah. Kinda gross, doesn't shower much, or brush her teeth, and she smokes. Dumb as a bag of rocks, but if you can fix her, you can have her.

Because you're one cool mother fucker, and I want you to be at my thanksgiving/christmas.

Steve
11th April 09, 03:36 AM
Fried 3 musketeers.

Cullion
11th April 09, 05:46 AM
Jacket potatoes stuffed with cheese done in foil on top of the barbecue.

If you've got a cast iron saucepan or something else that will stand up to the heat well, then make vegetable chili on top of the barbecue.

Greek Salad (cucumber, tomatoes, onion, olives, oregano and chunks of feta cheese, dressing is just olive oil).

HOGs vegetable kebabs sound good too, but too healthy for what you want.

The key to destroying vegetarian's arteries is too use lots of cheese, eggs and butter.

Home made quiche.

Make an indian curry in a pan on top of the barbecue using lots of ghee. Serve with mushroom fried rice. Fry the mushrooms in butter too.

Spade: The Real Snake
11th April 09, 11:04 AM
Unrocket science.

Marinate onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, zuccini, etc in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and soy sauce. (around 2-2-1) Skewer em and grill em.

^^^

this. plus add some eggplant and yellow squash. Since it is a BBQ, I would suggest substituting the balsamic vineager and soy sauce with a little BBQ sauce which will add a bit of zing.

Corn on the cob is a must for a BBQ, brush some olive oil, salt and peppar, wrap in foil set and forget.

Steamed artichokes.

Baked Buttnernut squash. Brush with some 100% Maple Syrup (not the Log Cabin or Aunt Jememiah shit...the REAL syrup) and a little ginger. Put in a inch deep pan of water and bake.

Spaghetti squash.


If you can find some organic yellow watermelon, it is AWESOME. Looks like someone pissed on it, but it is much more flavorful and juicy.

Ajamil
11th April 09, 02:31 PM
Damn now I'm hungry.

Also, make a nice chickpea batter (if they're ovo-veggies use egg, otherwise I suggest condensed milk) and deep fry random veggies in ghee (oil if you're cheap/lazy).

Aphid Jones
11th April 09, 02:49 PM
I want there cardiovascular system to beg for something heathyer than the vegetarian fair I havew provided. I want deep fried bacon to be a healthyer choice that my dishes.
Smoke a few pounds of vegetable shortening.

Robot Jesus
11th April 09, 04:01 PM
God, Will you marry my sister? She's easy, yeah. Kinda gross, doesn't shower much, or brush her teeth, and she smokes. Dumb as a bag of rocks, but if you can fix her, you can have her.

Because you're one cool mother fucker, and I want you to be at my thanksgiving/christmas.


has she demonstrated a resistance to hypnotism or any other signs of a strong will?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th April 09, 04:01 PM
you guys are assholes

Spade: The Real Snake
11th April 09, 04:04 PM
you guys are assholes

Sorry.

How is this:

ORDER PIZZA.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th April 09, 04:09 PM
You're using words like placate and discuss making your vegetarian fair as unhealthy as possible out of spite. Is vegetarianism the new faggot or what?

Kiko
11th April 09, 04:30 PM
Try the cornbread recipe in the other Nom nom thread. Put some jalapeno or cheese in it.

Let them eat their veggies! More meat for the carnivores! Make eggplant and portabellos for them.

Robot Jesus
11th April 09, 06:47 PM
what if i beep fry the corn bread.

what oil temp to use?

3moose1
11th April 09, 10:17 PM
has she demonstrated a resistance to hypnotism or any other signs of a strong will?

No, she is stupid and weak.

MrBadGuy
11th April 09, 11:24 PM
No, she is stupid and weak.


....twin sister, I'm guessing?

Robot Jesus
12th April 09, 12:00 AM
is she fat?

3moose1
12th April 09, 12:20 AM
No, annoyingly skinny.

Robot Jesus
12th April 09, 12:29 AM
you have a deal.

Kiko
12th April 09, 05:35 AM
You could TRY to deep fry it, but taste it this way (and cook it first like this):
Try this... it's great leftover. Also good topped with pulled pork.

Kiko’s Corn Bread Casserole

1 box Jiffy cornbread mix
1 large can (14 oz) creamed corn
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup sour cream
cup butter, melted
About 1/4 cup honey
tsp old bay seasoning

Optional things…..chopped jalapenos, shredded cheese

Instructions:
-Combine all ingredients.
-Pour into greased 9"x9"x2" greased casserole dish.
-Bake in 375 oven for 40 minutes, or until center no longer jiggles when dish is shaken. Edges should be just barely golden.

Recipe can be doubled in larger pan….

(It was posted in your "RIBS; a prelude" thread, but here ya go!)

Oh, and
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/funny-pictures-cat-is-angry-you-are-having-a-bbq.jpg

mrm1775
12th April 09, 08:49 PM
Turkey burgers.

Turkey is a vegetable, right?

Ajamil
12th April 09, 10:38 PM
You're using words like placate and discuss making your vegetarian fair as unhealthy as possible out of spite. Is vegetarianism the new faggot or what?

The hell? Veggies are allowed to eat less healthy food because we cut out all the meat. Besides, I was just posting what I want to eat right now. Damn some pakoras would be nice, and some puris with tamarind sauce...mmmm.


Turkey burgers.

Turkey is a vegetable, right?

We used to buy a faux-meat for one of our salads. It was literally packed as being "Fake turkey - ham flavored."

I never understood why it couldn't just be fake ham...

Spade: The Real Snake
13th April 09, 10:35 AM
Turkey burgers.

Turkey is a vegetable, right?
No.

But Portabello Burgers are.

As for Turkey.....try BBQ Turkey.
mmmmMMMmmMMmmMmmMMMMMMmmmmm

Robot Jesus
14th April 09, 05:28 PM
smoked eggpland basted in bacon fat might work, but how can I clame that the bacon fat is butter?

Spade: The Real Snake
14th April 09, 05:31 PM
smoked eggpland basted in bacon fat might work, but how can I clame that the bacon fat is butter?

Say they were butter-fed pigs.

Harpy
14th April 09, 06:25 PM
All the butter/lard/cheese/deep fried talk makes me want to vomit.

For vegetarians at a BBQ - lay out some toppings in individual bowls (eg. roasted eggplant, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, greens etc.), make one salad (cold noodle salad) and slice up a baguette. Make your own meal....voila.

I hate at BBQs where the host goes through a lot of effort to make 'vegetarian' food for me and I end up not eating very much, then they whine about it. I never asked them to make anything special.

Robot Jesus
14th April 09, 06:35 PM
It's mostly to fuck with a pair of cousins I've come to resent;only a little, but it's focused.

the one isent a veggi but refuses to eat any meat the coulor of blood or has bones in it. I can't do much to her as if I want to get away with it, but I can fuck up her diet.

the other cousin is a evengelecal vegetarian, thinks he's noble because he ignored it whe the doctor told him to eat more protean. he's the one who will be getting bacon in his mac and cheese and ghee on his eggplant.

Zendetta
14th April 09, 08:17 PM
Unrocket science.

Marinate onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, zuccini, etc in balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and soy sauce. (around 2-2-1) Skewer em and grill em.

^^^ This. Also, grill some eggplant.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
14th April 09, 08:25 PM
thinks he's noble because he ignored it whe the doctor told him to eat more protean.

doesn't he realize that he doesn't need meat to do this?

Robot Jesus
14th April 09, 10:52 PM
the sad thing is hes probably going to get his undergrad before me, his band is good though.

I just get touchy when food hypocrasy and stupidity meet.

Spade: The Real Snake
15th April 09, 07:55 AM
Give them a shovel and tell them to get their fucking Peacenick Greenpeace Vegan Loving asses out to the fuck hill and scavenge for food like rats.

Toby Christensen
21st April 09, 08:42 PM
Mushrooms on toast
Grilled tomatoes

French Fried chips


And the dessert... aah, sahib, the dessert...

Pavlova
Lamingtons
Cheesecake
Mudcake
Brownies with castor sugar dusting
Gourmet Iced Coffees


P.S. I also do cabbage fried in balsamic, with capsicum, onions and sometimes garlic. It's usually atrocious, so hence I keep serving it :-)

Toby Christensen
21st April 09, 08:47 PM
Method:
"Christensen's stirfry"

1. Heat oil in wok until spitting hot
2. Omit putting the meat in as this is for veggo's so see step 3
3. Dump the veggies in, being careful not to spatter self with hot oil
4. When the veggies have been attended to and look cooked, grab EVERY suitable sauce in the cupboard and pour liberally into wok
5. Point out that wok cooking is good, but you've added Occidental vegetables to make a social statement.
6. Tell your guests to get fucked when they ask for tofu.
7. By this time, the sauces will have boiled down to a reduction. Take wok off and spoon reduction over vegetables.
N.B. Make sure somebody else has cooked suitable rice.

Harpy
21st April 09, 09:07 PM
Give them a shovel and tell them to get their fucking Peacenick Greenpeace Vegan Loving asses out to the fuck hill and scavenge for food like rats.

Is that what your parents told you during YOUR vegan phase?

Ajamil
22nd April 09, 12:46 AM
Give them a shovel and tell them to get their fucking Peacenick Greenpeace Vegan Loving asses out to the fuck hill and scavenge for food like rats.

You don't realize the absurd amount of pretentious stubborness a vegan has. This is exactly what caused the raw foods movement.

Robot Jesus
22nd April 09, 01:31 AM
I always thought I was people who had no knowledge of dietary science.

socratic
22nd April 09, 09:50 PM
All the butter/lard/cheese/deep fried talk makes me want to vomit.

For vegetarians at a BBQ - lay out some toppings in individual bowls (eg. roasted eggplant, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, greens etc.), make one salad (cold noodle salad) and slice up a baguette. Make your own meal....voila.

I hate at BBQs where the host goes through a lot of effort to make 'vegetarian' food for me and I end up not eating very much, then they whine about it. I never asked them to make anything special.

Yes you did! You did when you refused to eat anything else.

Harpy
22nd April 09, 10:51 PM
No, I TOLD them days in advance that I would eat at home and please don't bother preparing anything for me and then trying to guilt me into eating it.

socratic
23rd April 09, 06:47 AM
No, I TOLD them days in advance that I would eat at home and please don't bother preparing anything for me and then trying to guilt me into eating it.

Oh. My bad.

EuropIan
23rd April 09, 06:57 AM
No, I TOLD them days in advance that I would eat at home and please don't bother preparing anything for me and then trying to guilt me into eating it.
Guy: "Come to my dinner! it would be nice"

Lily: "ok but don't make me anything, because your feeble cooking skills will never be to my satisfaction"

Guy: "....."

Robot Jesus
23rd April 09, 04:21 PM
anyone have tips on cooking brisket. I made my own smoker out of a metal garbage can and a hot plate.

Spade: The Real Snake
23rd April 09, 04:34 PM
No, I TOLD them days in advance that I would eat at home and please don't bother preparing anything for me and then trying to guilt me into eating it.
Lily's the kind of dinner guest that will store up a big, huge, stinking, smelly, nasty, sloppy, foul VEGAN diarrhea shit all GOTDAM day......the kind generally reserved for the exclusive christening of a rest stop or a bus station.

Wait until she gets to the host's house, never beshitting HER sainted shitter, and spray that shit all over the fucking rim, underrim and bowl but never crack a window, hit the fan, light a match or spray some Glade.

She will close the door nice and tight so that stench just fucking festers until the next poor bastard what needs to use the can has to stew in her stink.

Ajamil
24th April 09, 01:19 AM
Guy: "Come to my dinner! it would be nice"

Lily: "ok but don't make me anything, because your feeble cooking skills will never be to my satisfaction"

Guy: "....."

If someone invites me to a cook-off, they'll either hear from me right then what I am willing to eat, or will know in advance. Either way I would think etiquette says cook what the guests want.

If I asked to come, I would either bring my own food and help cook, or see what I can eat there and STFU.

Restricting my diet is MY choice and MY burden. All you got are steaks? Cool - pass me a beer. Can't help it if you get butt-hurt I won't eat them.

I'm offered meat quite a bit by co-workers they either don't know or forget. I always thank them and politely decline.

Kiko
24th April 09, 07:06 AM
anyone have tips on cooking brisket. I made my own smoker out of a metal garbage can and a hot plate.

I do hope you're kidding. Get a real smoker, coat the brisket in some kind of mustard or other rub, make sure it's got some fat in it and cook it low and slow.

I think I'll have to dust of our smoker. I've got a pork loin that's been marinating for over a day and a chicken that'll thaw for the weekend.

I love being an omnivore with carnivorous leanings!!

(I don't really know any vegans or vegetarians, but if I did, there'd be veggies for them, too)

EuropIan
24th April 09, 07:13 AM
If someone invites me to a cook-off, they'll either hear from me right then what I am willing to eat, or will know in advance. Either way I would think etiquette says cook what the guests want.

If I asked to come, I would either bring my own food and help cook, or see what I can eat there and STFU.

Restricting my diet is MY choice and MY burden. All you got are steaks? Cool - pass me a beer. Can't help it if you get butt-hurt I won't eat them.

I'm offered meat quite a bit by co-workers they either don't know or forget. I always thank them and politely decline.
it is the "don't even try"-thing that bothers me.

Got tips? nice!
Have preferences? ok
Tell me I can't cook for you? F-U-C-K Y-O-U

Toby Christensen
24th April 09, 08:59 AM
My perspective:

I was 30kg underweight. I became extremely sick as a result.

If there is food, you make damn sure the host cooks it well. You EAT food. In my case because my cooking sucks, I prefer somebody else cooks. I eat it out of respect, with me often supplying most of the ingredients out of my own pocket.

On the ethics of eating meat, I have a short book written by the Noonuccal people of Stradbroke Island on bush foods and medicines and materials. "Men's work" involves hunting animals and fishing.

I would have NO moral quandary about blindsiding Skippy, sticking him with a spear and carrying the carcass back. "Oh but the Aborigines are so low tech" I hear you cry. Yes, yes they are, but their laws and codes of conduct leave Australian mainstream law dead.

"Oh but spearing and beating your target is wrong". It works very well. The "kata" for hunting/fending off a person with a spear can be mastered in a week or a month. There is also a LOT of meat on a kangaroo including sweetbreads and the fur is nifty.

socratic
24th April 09, 09:03 AM
anyone have tips on cooking brisket. I made my own smoker out of a metal garbage can and a hot plate.

I hope it isn't hot dip gal'd. That gives off poisonous fumes when heated.

Yo RJ, you realise by fattening up the veggie food you're making it taste shitloads better, right? And you can just say the food is bacon flavoured and not tell them you rolled it in bacon fat. Veggies eat bacon flavour constantly.

Coincidentally, Arjuna, 'religious reasons' is the least bullshit reason for vegetarianism, if you ask me, so eh, you'd be cool at one of my barbacues.

Kiko
24th April 09, 01:50 PM
AAAAAARGH!

I can't find the heating element for the smoker.

Looks like we have something else... hmmm.

Adouglasmhor
9th May 09, 08:55 AM
Lily's the kind of dinner guest that will store up a big, huge, stinking, smelly, nasty, sloppy, foul VEGAN diarrhea shit all GOTDAM day......the kind generally reserved for the exclusive christening of a rest stop or a bus station.

Wait until she gets to the host's house, never beshitting HER sainted shitter, and spray that shit all over the fucking rim, underrim and bowl but never crack a window, hit the fan, light a match or spray some Glade.

She will close the door nice and tight so that stench just fucking festers until the next poor bastard what needs to use the can has to stew in her stink.

It was disturbing enough and then I realised you had wood when you typed that.

Robot Jesus
3rd June 09, 03:23 PM
side dishes?

I was thinking mac and cheese, hush puppies, cole slaw, french frys and beans.

Robot Jesus
4th June 09, 11:28 PM
also one of the3 vegetations is knocked up, so she's eating meat again.

Virus
8th June 09, 07:05 PM
Coincidentally, Arjuna, 'religious reasons' is the least bullshit reason for vegetarianism.

Why?

Robot Jesus
8th June 09, 10:08 PM
because it's outside of the realm of logic and reason it doesn't need to make sense. I don't eat meat because meat is murder requires some argument.

Zendetta
9th June 09, 11:18 AM
also one of the3 vegetations is knocked up, so she's eating meat again.

pwnt.

Robot Jesus
9th June 09, 12:34 PM
this has been a long time coming, and then my dad reminds me of a hitch. he hates sweet sauces on meat.


every BBQ sauce I find a recipe for is at least slightly sweet. anyone here know of a style that is not sweet.

Japuma
9th June 09, 02:11 PM
Carolina style BBQ is very vinegary, its the least sweet BBQ I could think of.

http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/291/NorthCarolinaEasternStyleB64781.shtml

Robot Jesus
9th June 09, 02:59 PM
thanks, I was thinking of modifying a Alabama white sauce with horse radish, this should work better.

Spade: The Real Snake
10th June 09, 12:22 PM
this has been a long time coming, and then my dad reminds me of a hitch. he hates sweet sauces on meat.


every BBQ sauce I find a recipe for is at least slightly sweet. anyone here know of a style that is not sweet.
Then get a normal BBQ sauce, grill up or roast some Jalapeno peppers (about 4 should do) add a couple of shots of whiskey. The jalapeno and whiskey add some edge and take the sweetness out.

Otherwise, here is a recipe to make something similar to it at home, just cut the molasses and brown sugar in half:

http://recipes.chef2chef.net/recipe-archive/18/102106.shtml

Otherwise, pt. 2, here is a mustachioed old timer dancing around and making a ghetto Jalapeno Beer Sauce. Haven't tried this one, but it looks like something you can whip up while outside working the grill.

hBq_k8Cqi3I
Looks simple, ketchup, vineager, beer, spices, jalapenos. It takes less brown sugar then the previous recipe....roughly the amount I suggested you cut it down to and no molasses....so it should be sweeter. It also includes a bunch of butter, which is interesting.

It calls for fresh or pickled jalapenos. Personally, I would grill or roast them, but that is just me. Anyone else have an opinion on that?

Zendetta
10th June 09, 12:25 PM
Grill 'em. Magical things happen when you grill jalapenos.

Just don't wipe your eyes.

Spade: The Real Snake
10th June 09, 12:46 PM
Grill 'em. Magical things happen when you grill jalapenos.

Just don't wipe your eyes.

My father-in-law lives in the Monterey Coast area of California and cannot find decent grilled Green or Red Chilis for the life of him. He *used* to get his brother to ship him some from New Mexico until his brother died.

For the last three years I've been going to one of the local shops here that sell the Green Chilis in 25lb sacks, paying the guy $20 to roast them in this awesome propane torch/bingo ball contraption and Fed Exing them to him.

Zendetta
10th June 09, 12:56 PM
What a good son-in-law you are!

I'll be that almost makes up for all the sick shit you do to his daughter.

Spade: The Real Snake
10th June 09, 01:47 PM
What a good son-in-law you are!

I'll be that almost makes up for all the sick shit you do to his daughter.
Not even close.

Zendetta
10th June 09, 01:49 PM
So I was right about what you do with the jalapenos, after all.

Spade: The Real Snake
10th June 09, 01:52 PM
es muy caliente'
si mon.

Zendetta
10th June 09, 01:57 PM
While we are on the subject of skewering stuff, try this:

make shish-kabobs of jalapenos and tomatillos

grill 'em

chop/mash 'em up with cilantro, some onion, salt n pepper, maybe a little lemon or lime juice

Roasted Tomatillo Salsa. Especially good on roasted pork tacos. Probably also good on your wife's taco! *insert Hot Chick joke here*

Robot Jesus
10th June 09, 04:16 PM
would slow somkeing be an option with the salsa kebabs, or is it a mistake?

Zendetta
10th June 09, 04:21 PM
would slow somkeing be an option

Whut?


mistake?

Someimtes you spelling gives me dain bramage.

Robot Jesus
10th June 09, 10:58 PM
I was posting at my parents place, they lack a spell checker on their web browser; I've tried to install one but there 'puter is fucked.

and yes word wont load either.

Zendetta
12th June 09, 07:45 PM
Well, you obviously have meaningful things to say about food, so whutdafuk were you saying?

Robot Jesus
13th June 09, 01:28 AM
grilling vs smoking, would slow smoking the veggies work for the grilled salsa, or is direct heat needed.

now that i think about it, it's a stupid question. unless you constantly basted the veg they would dry out and not be very good for salsa.

Kiko
13th June 09, 08:31 PM
Or used a water smoker. Peppers, tomatoes and portobellos are nummy that way.

Robot Jesus
14th June 09, 11:53 AM
my smoker is made from a cardboard box I found behind winners, I'm somewhat limited by my tools (the garbage can smoker was just one design I was entertaining, this is the final version).

EuropIan
14th June 09, 12:08 PM
That is genuinely ghetto gourmet.

Kiko
14th June 09, 12:53 PM
Cardboard box? That'll give you plenty of smoke for at least a little while...

EuropIan
14th June 09, 12:57 PM
http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/10/28/633608191722858794-boxybrown.jpg

Robot Jesus
14th June 09, 03:39 PM
cardboard box, found behind winners.

Hot plate, absconded from parents basement

cast iron pan, acquired from post garage sale toss out.

grills, taken from a propane grill I found in the back alley

broom stick, won from some ninjers in a public park.

pilot light, lawnmower blade, handbrake, gas tank; all scavenged from minefield.

buy not spend not.

Kiko
14th June 09, 05:34 PM
So you save the budget for meat? Or do the cuts match your equipment?

Robot Jesus
14th June 09, 05:46 PM
the advantage of rustling your meat is the freshness; actually I'm getting it from a local stand alone butcher shop.
Safeway was going to charge me more by weight for untrimmed, he's charging me less.