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View Full Version : Phrost's Punch-You-In-The-Balls Protein Chili



Phrost
11th November 08, 04:31 PM
So the weather sucks, and I'm on a diet. I decided to make a healthier version of my infamous chili which I may have mentioned at some point in the past.

Anyway, the chili:

Take all of this crap.

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili3.jpg

Dump all of the cans (and jar) into a pot like this:

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili1.jpg

Grill ~2lbs of these turkey sausage links, and 6-8 of these turkey "burger" patties:

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili2.jpg

Chop them up like so:

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili5.jpg

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili6.jpg

And dump them in the base, which should have been simmering while you were cooking the meat.

Add in about half of that seasoning, and a few tablespoons of the cumin.

Remember that bag of Masa sitting there next to the pot? You'll add this in after everything else, stirring it until you get a nice orange color and thickness. This isn't supposed to be watery.

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili7.jpg

The final product:

http://www.sociocide.com/images/chili8.jpg

Guaranteed to get women to sleep with you. Or something.

Whatever, it's low fat and high in protein and lycopene and other 'een' sounding things that are good for you.

WarPhalange
11th November 08, 04:34 PM
No mushrooms or beans?

Phrost
11th November 08, 04:36 PM
Beans are filler for people who wish there was more meat in their chili.

This is around 4-5lbs of meat alone.

They are also vegetables and can go fuck themselves.

WarPhalange
11th November 08, 04:38 PM
And this is a healthier version of your other chili, you say?

Phrost
11th November 08, 04:41 PM
Yeah, that was the same base +

2lbs of thick cut bacon.
2lbs of Jimmy Dean Sage breakfast sausage, cooked like ground beef.
2lbs of tenderized round steak.

WarPhalange
11th November 08, 04:42 PM
Well... I can't call you a liar.



Fatty.

Cullion
11th November 08, 04:45 PM
Why not just cook it with tofu and some fresh erbs and leave out all that disgusting dead animal and fierce spices ?

WarPhalange
11th November 08, 04:56 PM
Because this is "Punch-You-In-The-Balls" chili, not "Tuck-Your-Dick-Between-Your-Legs" chili.

partyboy
11th November 08, 05:17 PM
lol, you like cumin

Kiko
11th November 08, 05:43 PM
Looks pretty good, but the square chunks are ... interesting.

Why not mash up the meat before browning it, pour off the grease and then add to the pot?

No cayenne?

Robot Jesus
11th November 08, 05:53 PM
use stew meat and a crock pot.

Phrost
11th November 08, 06:00 PM
That's just how the turkey burgers are after you chop them up. I suppose you could shred them in a blender if you want.

And the grease really doesn't exist; there's not much to begin with and then they're cooked on the George Foreskin grill.

Kiko
11th November 08, 06:18 PM
... they're cooked on the George Foreskin grill.

and thank you for THAT mental image~!

WarPhalange
11th November 08, 06:19 PM
That's what gives it the flavor. Where did you think the "secret sauce" Phrost uses comes from?

Quikfeet509
11th November 08, 06:32 PM
I also use turkey sausage in my chili but I get the Italian-style. I also use kidney and black beans but soak them for several hours + cook them for several more. My wife loves putting Stacy's Pita chips [also seen in Phrost's Kountry Kitchen] in and they do add a good texture to the final product.


Everyone in KC is required to have their own super uber chili recipe.

billy sol hurok
12th November 08, 08:46 AM
At the risk of being called a Commie Rat -- or even a Cryptosocialist -- here are some suggestions for veggie chili.*

TVP. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Textured_vegetable_protein) Cheap, healthy as hell, utterly tasteless. Like most soy products, it takes on the flavors around it, and I make sure there's plenty of flavor to absorb. It actually does lend the texture of ground burger meat, though chili isn't the same without some animal grease. Still, by the time you're using pressboard turkey products you've forfeited the tastiness anyway, so the step to TVP is a short one. I make up for that with extra fire.

Hot peppers: I use 3-5 different types of pepper in each batch, ranging from the inoffensive cubanels to the sweet reds to the long, skinny semi-hot ones that look like witches' fingernails to the hot little purple bastards that my wife grows to the jalapenos that can be either home-grown or store-bought. (She just tried her hand at growing jalapenos this past season; they were way, WAY hotter than anything I've ever gotten from the store. Hope she put a couple aside for seed -- I like that strain!)

Beans: chili needs some beans. Even when I was making greasy, meaty chili I used beans too. All different kinds, some canned, some dry. But always dry black beans, without presoak: adds a nice crunch and color.

Onions: put them in toward the end of the cooking cycle so that they don't end up completely mushy.

Cooking time: for days. OK, you can turn it off overnight, but a proper chili needs a lot of time to simmer.

Suggested serving: grated sharp cheddar cheese, oyster crackers.

BTW, nice granite there, Phrost. Tough keeping it clean though . . .

-------------------
*Hey, the veggie I married is worth giving up a bit of animal fat in my chili.

Feryk
12th November 08, 03:05 PM
Cryptosocialist.

Also, if you want some 'middle' ground, try pork tenderloin. A lot less fat than ground beef, tastes awesome.

And Phrost, vegetables do not kill you. Promise.

Phrost
12th November 08, 03:13 PM
I eat a ton of veggies, to be honest. I just don't want them having anything to do with my chili, the same way I don't want tuna to have anything to do with my ice cream.

Feryk
12th November 08, 03:37 PM
Guess I'm going to have to try it before I knock it. Just curious, why not just use ground turkey?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th November 08, 03:41 PM
I gained ten pounds reading this thread. What the fuck Phrost?

Steve
12th November 08, 03:47 PM
I gained ten pounds reading this thread. What the fuck Phrost?

You should be happy. It's about time that you started shopping in the men's department anyways.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th November 08, 03:56 PM
You think I'm tall enough to wear grown up clothes? Hell no.

Kiko
12th November 08, 04:31 PM
No onions or FRESH garlic? Cooking means chopping things with a knife, not just opening cans.
Afraid of beans, huh?

See you later, I'm gonna go make a meatloaf!

Zendetta
12th November 08, 05:00 PM
Phrost is right. Real chili should not have beans.

In the place of the beans should be MORE MEAT.

avenger
12th November 08, 05:13 PM
Fuck that. I'm still adding beans to my chili.

The recipe looks good phrost. I might try making sometime, and probably ramping up the spices with the million of spices I have at home.

EuropIan
12th November 08, 05:15 PM
Looks really nice, but chopping up an onion n' stuff wouldn't hurt.

But Zen is right, no beans in chili, ever.

Phrost
12th November 08, 05:52 PM
Guess I'm going to have to try it before I knock it. Just curious, why not just use ground turkey?

I had turkey burgers in the freezer.

partyboy
17th November 08, 12:46 AM
Here's my take on this:

[IMG]http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/4272/dscn0424gh2.jpg[/IMG

[IMG]http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/3303/dscn0425gv7.jpg[/IMG

I used mostly what phrost suggested but instead of turkey I threw in some antelope steaks that I seasoned and seared beforehand along with some antelope brats that I had (before you say anything about the antelope again, screw you guys, you get a shit load of meat from those things)

I also tossed in some spicy chili beans, mushrooms and an onion for good measure

this shit is DAMN good

Steve
17th November 08, 01:19 AM
Piping. HOT. LAVA. Someone should throw a virgin in there or something.

Eh, that was the first thing that came to my mind. I would nom it, no problem.

EuropIan
17th November 08, 08:45 AM
How is the dump afterwards?

Phrost
17th November 08, 01:15 PM
Here's my take on this:

[IMG]http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/4272/dscn0424gh2.jpg[/IMG

[IMG]http://img397.imageshack.us/img397/3303/dscn0425gv7.jpg[/IMG

I used mostly what phrost suggested but instead of turkey I threw in some antelope steaks that I seasoned and seared beforehand along with some antelope brats that I had (before you say anything about the antelope again, screw you guys, you get a shit load of meat from those things)

I also tossed in some spicy chili beans, mushrooms and an onion for good measure

this shit is DAMN good

Yeah, it's even better the next day as leftovers, for some reason i can't quite put my finger on.

Thanks for trying it.

billy sol hurok
17th November 08, 02:58 PM
Yeah, it's even better the next day as leftovers, for some reason i can't quite put my finger on.

Because the flavors have more time to blend; it's why I cook mine for a day or two before it's "done." (I make it by the cauldron, and freeze a bunch for later.)

It's why homemade soup tastes better the next day too.

SpringHeeledJack
21st November 08, 02:04 PM
No onions or FRESH garlic? Cooking means chopping things with a knife, not just opening cans.
Afraid of beans, huh?

See you later, I'm gonna go make a meatloaf!

Since you seem to be the food guru around these parts maybe you can give me some advice for making chili. My friends and I attended a chili cook-off a few weeks ago, and I had some of the best chili ever. Since then, we've been talking about having our own miniature chili cook-off (though it will probably only be one pot of chili and a bunch of drunk guys eating it, TBH)

I make my own chili from time to time, but I use the premixed powder that comes in the little pouches. Of course, I have ground beef and I cut up and add my own fresh peppers as well, but I feel this whole pre-packaged mix thing is unacceptable.

So how do I go about making a base for my chili out of all fresh ingredients? I've ordered some Jolokia peppers for the heat, and I'm going to experiment with different ingredients until I get it exactly like I want it. I just need someone to tell me how to start things off. I know there are several different kinds of chili, but IMO it should all have that distinctive chili taste but tweaked to make it your own.

Any ideas?

Kiko
21st November 08, 03:33 PM
Hmm. My chili is probably bland compared to what you guys would like. I'd do a search at the foodchannel site for basic method and see what sort of peppers/heat you like as well as figure whether you like beans or what sort of meat.