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MEGA JESUS-SAMA
19th October 08, 10:06 PM
Since Lee or Wrangler or whatever has seen it fit to bring back that annoying commercial comparing their hideous piece of shit jeans to fine designer denim, I'm providing you with this handy guide so you can come home from your next shopping trip looking like you know how to dress yourself. This is mostly about men's jeans because I really don't know how to dress women at all.

Preliminary Step 1: Learn to Use a Dressing Room
This should be common knowledge, but the swaths of people in ill-fitting clothing I see every day suggest that it's been lost to the ages. Don't buy anything without trying it on, no matter how cheap it is or how cool it looks on the rack. Don't get attached to anything you see in the store either. Don't make up excuses about how it'll stretch in a week or shrink in the wash, if it fits you like a sack that's not going to change. Don't complain about it being a waste of time to try clothes on, that's how you end up with eighty dollars of shit you didn't realize looked so horrible.

Preliminary Step 2: Familiarize Yourself with Basic Human Anatomy
This is what an average man looks like when he's drawn by da Vinci:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/j-102-0013_vitruvian_man_500.jpg
Study this picture very closely, as I'd like to bring something to your attention:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/breakingsciencenews.jpg
The fact that your legs taper to a point. Taper, as in, get smaller. That's the opposite of get larger. You'll learn why this is important in just a second.

Step 1: Cheap Denim Makes You Look Cheap
A common nugget of wisdom is that denim is denim is designer brands just put someone's name on ten dollar pants. If you think this is true and are comfortable in your Wranglers, that's fine, but if you want to look even slightly cool that kind of bullshit isn't going to work. Take a look at this:

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/post10_2.jpg

These two pairs of legs aren't that different, yet the left looks appealing to men under forty and the one on the right right looks like they'd scold you for eating too much ice cream. What's the difference? The woman on the left is wearing a decent pair of jeans with decent looking denim, while the woman on the right looks like she grabbed whatever was the cheapest pair that matched her measurements. It's the difference between looking like you put some thought in your outfit and looking like you just wore whatever, and people will notice that. The right pair IS cheaper though, so if you don't mind looking like a prude I have great news for you.

Step 2: Stick to Straight or Slim Cuts
The paramount concern in designing an outfit is silhouette. A plain shirt and a boring old pair of pants can look daring and rebellious with the right silhouette, just look at any clothing catalog. And what's the sexiest silhouette around? Naked people. Remember that anatomy lesson a few paragraphs ago? Keep that in mind as we go on an adventure through Levi's Men's catalog.

First some cuts I can recommend in good conscience, the 501 straight cut, 511 slim cut, and 514 slim straight:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/501.jpg
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/511.jpg
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/514.jpg

Next some cuts that look like ass, the 527 boot cut and 559 relaxed straight:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/527.jpg
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/559relaxedstraight.jpg

Notice how the 501, 511, and 514 have long, vertical lines that draw the eye up and done the leg? That's going to draw eyes up and down your legs too, making them look taller and thinner. Notice how the relaxed fit and boot cut not only have no strongly defined vertical lines, but are also so damn wide that they draw the eyes across the legs, making them look shorter and fatter? Even worse is that big flare of material at the bottom of a boot cut. It's going to draw attention towards your feet and away from your dick. Good work there, fashion designers. Stay away from any extra doo-dads on the leg as well. Those cell phone pockets and the little loops on carpenter jeans will distract and break your silhouette.

Intermission: On Distressed Washes
I'm completely ambivalent about this and I must confessed to owning a great pair of what would have been black jeans. If you want a distressed wash, though, make sure it looks authentic. Many companies just fade the fabric down the leg and maybe fray the pockets a little. What you want to look for are realistic fades, meaning they're concentrated mostly in the thigh, the knee, and the butt, but which also display "honeycombs" of faded material anywhere the pants would bunch up, such as the hips. Here's an example of what I'm talking about:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/honeycombsbigyeayeayea.jpg
These details give the illusion of actual wear. People won't bat an eye at them or question whether or not you wore out your jeans yourself.

Step 3: It's not 1987
Light blue or sky blue washes never looked good, but at least now they're also out of style. Go throw away every pair of light blue jeans you have away right now. Stick to darker blues. It's also helpful to own a pair in another color completely, because blue shirts do not belong on top of blue pants. Black is a solid choice and will go very, very well with nearly any blue shirt out there. White or gray can be more dangerous, and you'll definitely want to make sure you're cool enough for white jeans to work on you before you try it. Other colors like red or purple can definitely work, you're just not cool enough to do it if you need me telling you how to dress. The same goes for black jeans, don't wear black shirts on top of them.

Step 4: Become Comfortable With the Size of Your Ass. Or Change it.

Your legs are fashionable. Women want to see them and hiding them won't do you any good. On the other hand, the key word is flattering and not tight. If you have great legs, find a pair of slimmer jeans that gives a strong outline of your leg. If your legs are a little too bulky, still get a pair of slimmer jeans, but look for one that narrows your leg. Trying to hide them inside bulky jeans will just give the illusion of even MORE volume. If your legs are skinnier than you'd like, a straight pair that still fits well is your best bet. Also pay attention to the waist when trying them on. Don't flatter yourself by thinking your penis is too big to stick into this or that pair of jeans if they're low-rise and you're hiking them up to your ribs. If Jimmy Page could fit his penis AND that salami he stuffed into those skinny ass jeans, so can you. That, and low rise jeans will be far too tight on your crotch and ass when worn at the waist anyway. High-rise jeans worn low will also look terrible, the dangling crotch in the jeans will make you appear shorter.

Another thing to consider is whether or not to size down. This isn't necessary for all styles of jeans, but will help slimmer fits keep their slimness instead of ballooning into a normal fit six months into the life of the jean. You should avoid stretch denim (98% cotton 2% spandex as opposed to 100% cotton) for the same reason.

Step 5: Care About Clothes!
Jeans do not need to be and should not be washed after every single wear. This is a foreign concept to some, but all you're doing is fading the dye and wearing out the fabric without actually making it cleaner. Get two or three pairs and wash them every other week or so, if you're buying normal denim (if you don't know what "normal denim" is don't worry, you're buying it). Turn them inside out and hang them up between washes to air out, and turn them inside out when you wash them. If you care for your jeans like this they should last at least two years or more before the crotch or knees start to blow out, and if you're willing to repair those tears they'll last until the denim literally falls apart more than half a decade later.

Q&A
Whose Jeans should I buy?
Levi's blows everyone away in their price point. No other jeans delivers the whole package of looking good, hanging well, and lasting long while being so affordable. Wrangler, Lee, and all those manly companies look like tubes of denim that never so much as touch your leg. Very unflattering. Most Mallrat clothing stores have their own line of jeans that often look pretty good, but the quality rarely compares. Old Navy or similar jeans just don't seem to last. Levi's is also starting to put out some decent raw denim at good prices, though you'll pay much more than the usual ~30-40 dollars for those.

If you want to gloat about how fucking great these expensive ass Italian jeans are, holy shit I'm so much cooler than you, get Nudies. They're priced well and look fantastic in addition to using high-quality, unwashed denim and first world labor. Pay attention to their care and wear guide if you have no idea what the terms "raw" or "selvage" mean because you can't clean them like a normal pair of jeans.

If you want to really be better than everyone else, get Dior. They'll cost you more than a brand new 360 and there's a reason for it.

How do you fit anything in slim jeans pockets durhur?
You're an idiot. It is, however, a good idea to keep bulges to a minimum on any pair of jeans, slim or not. Use your back pockets for bulky things like wallets and get a tiny cell phone.

I am currently in the dressing room and I'm not sure if these jeans look good on me. Help?
Don't buy them if you're not sure about them. The best thing you can do is take a picture of your fat ass hanging out of those emo pants and ask someone who know whether or not they flatter you, like Sirc.

WarPhalange
19th October 08, 10:18 PM
You say this is about men-folk jeans but then go and only put jeans for women. WTF?

Look "dude", I have balls. I can't fit those balls into those tiny ass jeans. I've tried. It hurt. I need loose cuts.

Moreover, I put shit in my front pockets. Putting a wallet in your back pocket is why you have fucking idiot office workers complaining that their backs hurt. Yeah, dumbass, you're sitting on a brick for 8 hours a day.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
19th October 08, 10:21 PM
The 60s and 70s were populated by men with much larger dicks than yours in small pants. They actually used theirs, too. I didn't say sitting on your wallet is a good idea, just that you look like a retard with anything but a small cellphone or lighter bulge in your front pockets.

WarPhalange
19th October 08, 10:22 PM
Men of the 60's and 70's no longer have balls because they literally strangled them in their tight pants.

nihilist
19th October 08, 10:24 PM
No it's true, we do have bigger dicks. the resistance of the denim was like deadlifting for the penis.

nihilist
19th October 08, 10:26 PM
As for balls, the strangulation helped cut down on the sheer volume of unwanted rugrats.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
19th October 08, 10:27 PM
That's right, fitted jeans have been engorging men's dicks and ruining Social Security for decades.

WarPhalange
19th October 08, 10:33 PM
No it's true, we do have bigger dicks. the resistance of the denim was like deadlifting for the penis.

Yeah, nothing looks cooler than a guy who has a pained face because his dick is screaming for help.

nihilist
19th October 08, 10:37 PM
What are you tryin to say?

WarPhalange
19th October 08, 10:46 PM
Oh yeah, can't forget the beard. You say 60's beard, right?

http://www.beardologyrecords.com/images272/Grizzly%20Adams.jpg

He's smiling, though, so he's probably pantless.

TheMightyMcClaw
19th October 08, 11:09 PM
I must confess, I'm traditionally a fan of boot cut jeans, because the flaring out at the end is reminiscent of awesome 1970's bell bottoms. As long as they're still tight enough up top to show off my butt.
But I'll take to heart your advice about mimicking the silhouette of naked people next time I buy jeans.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
19th October 08, 11:26 PM
Fashion is all about taking your naked body and improving it with clothes. You're trying to show off your ass while looking taller and thinner or fitter at the same time.

nihilist
19th October 08, 11:30 PM
In my case clothes just make my body look worse.

Perhaps I could get some kind of covering for my face though, because it's getting all old and wrinkled.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
19th October 08, 11:33 PM
Aviators and a bushy beard. You'll be ready to molest in no time.

nihilist
19th October 08, 11:38 PM
When I put on those 70s mirrored teardrop glasses I look like a state trooper.

Yiktin Voxbane
20th October 08, 01:03 AM
Now THIS is fashion ....

EVcyNANK5cY

This also

15S0g8pG6HU

nihilist
20th October 08, 01:25 AM
My night is complete.

Kiko
20th October 08, 05:44 PM
Take a look at this:

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/post10_2.jpg

These two pairs of legs aren't that different, yet the left looks appealing to men under forty and the one on the right right looks like they'd scold you for eating too much ice cream. What's the difference?

Heels ALWAYS make a woman look better. The poses are entirely different, in fact the chick in the CFM heels wearing I think they're GV jeans is posed (and bare around her waist) while the other chick in the scruffy jeans is WALKING in moccasins and has her shirt shoved into those jeans (which aren't well fitted)

It's not just the quality of the denim that makes the look.

Now try show these GUYS what to buy. I know how to buy pants~!

SFGOON
20th October 08, 05:59 PM
Good God, I can't believe I'm about to say this.

MJS knows what he is talking about and should be listened to (*groan*) VERY CLOSELY. I don't know how this happened, but he knows exactly what he is talking about and has written it up in a well organized and informative article too. Without, I might add, sacrificing any of his typical wit.

Do what the young man says, dammit.

boondock lee
20th October 08, 06:36 PM
When I put on those 70s mirrored teardrop glasses I look like a state trooper.

http://rofl.wheresthebeef.co.uk/Mother%20of%20God.jpg

nihilist
20th October 08, 07:53 PM
No. Think Robert Redford.

WarPhalange
20th October 08, 07:55 PM
Do what the young man says, dammit.

Never. Comfort > looks, any day.

MJS is all about flash and never about substance.

nihilist
20th October 08, 07:57 PM
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/post10_2.jpg

These two pairs of legs aren't that different

I don't know what you see but I see Giselle Bundchen on the left and MaryLou Retton on the right.

MaverickZ
20th October 08, 08:17 PM
Your suggestions for jeans are terrible. And your generalizations run against one of the core tenets of fashion. Make yourself look good instead of trying to look like a picture in a magazine. You fail.

Your second suggestion for jeans is especially hilarious because the percentage of the population that actually looks good in hip hugger jeans is statistically irrelevant.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
20th October 08, 10:37 PM
Never. Comfort > looks, any day.

MJS is all about flash and never about substance.

You don't have any idea what this thread is for do you? That, and the suggestion that any of the cuts I recommended are any less comfortable than any other cut of jeans just shows that you've never even seen any of these jeans and have no clue how they actually fit.


Your suggestions for jeans are terrible.

Which suggestions? Why are they terrible?


And your generalizations run against one of the core tenets of fashion. Make yourself look good instead of trying to look like a picture in a magazine. You fail.

What the hell are you talking about? The only thing I remember that even comes close to what you just said was my advice to look at pictures of more fashionable people to get an idea of how to dress yourself. Do you really think that's so absurd? Do you also believe that aspiring authors should never read a book and aspiring photographers should never look at a picture?


Your second suggestion for jeans is especially hilarious because the percentage of the population that actually looks good in hip hugger jeans is statistically irrelevant.

Yes, that's a fantastic suggestion. If you want to be fashionable you should dress like a slob because most people do.

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:01 AM
You don't have any idea what this thread is for do you? That, and the suggestion that any of the cuts I recommended are any less comfortable than any other cut of jeans just shows that you've never even seen any of these jeans and have no clue how they actually fit.

I went to Walmart and tried on jeans. They hurt my crotch. So I found a cut that fits. It's "loose" or "relaxed". Nothing else will work. I'm sorry you have small balls. Maybe in 10 or 20 years they'll finally drop and you can move on to wearing pants designed for Real Men (TM).

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:06 AM
"Loose" and "Relaxed" are euphemisms for fat pants. If you can't fit into a 501, it's not the jeans.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:09 AM
It's also important to buy decent jeans. Part of what makes Levi's the king of economy jeans is the quality of their cuts. Many other cheap jeans are designed to maximize yield per bolt of cloth rather than to actually fit on anyone, which is why you may have had bad luck at Walmart. Try a place that sells clothes next time. At least splurge enough to go to Kohl's. Don't be surprised if you can comfortably fit in a much smaller size of Levi's than Wranglers, Old Glory, or shit jeans like those.

nihilist
21st October 08, 12:09 AM
Snarky.

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:11 AM
"Loose" and "Relaxed" are euphemisms for fat pants. If you can't fit into a 501, it's not the jeans.

My balls and dick are fat. What's your point?

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:15 AM
It's also important to buy decent jeans. Part of what makes Levi's the king of economy jeans is the quality of their cuts. Many other cheap jeans are designed to maximize yield per bolt of cloth rather than to actually fit on anyone, which is why you may have had bad luck at Walmart. Try a place that sells clothes next time. At least splurge enough to go to Kohl's. Don't be surprised if you can comfortably fit in a much smaller size of Levi's than Wranglers, Old Glory, or shit jeans like those.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why would I go to a separate store to buy clothes if my grocery store sells them?

Also, why would I spend extra money on pants if I can buy cheaper ones that look exactly the same and feel better, and will last as long anyway?

Aphid Jones
21st October 08, 12:31 AM
Because they don't look the same. They make it look like you have two extra non-genital bulges.

That said, I hate jeans with very low cuts.
It's not just the balls, it's the general maneuverability. Let's say I get jumped in a streetfight and my elbow's broken so I can't stop a wrestler from rear-naked-locking me after shoting in on me. What's my defense?

http://www.denimology.co.uk/2006/09/cn1.jpg

Remember these?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:34 AM
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why would I go to a separate store to buy clothes if my grocery store sells them?

Buy a guitar from Walmart and tell me how it goes.


Also, why would I spend extra money on pants if I can buy cheaper ones that look exactly the same and feel better, and will last as long anyway?

They don't look the same. You think they do because you don't know anything about clothes. They don't feel the same. You think they do because you don't know what decent denim feels like and because those tubes of shit probably aren't touching your legs anyway.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:39 AM
That said, I hate jeans with very low cuts.
It's not just the balls, it's the general maneuverability.

Low cuts do not have less crotch space than any other cuts, they just don't travel as far up your waist. Let them sit on your hip bones.

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:40 AM
Buy a guitar from Walmart and tell me how it goes.

You buy your guitars as a fashion statement? Yeah, I guess that makes sense with you.


They don't look the same. You think they do because you don't know anything about clothes. They don't feel the same. You think they do because you don't know what decent denim feels like and because those tubes of shit probably aren't touching your legs anyway.

You're damn right. I don't know anything about clothes. I just put them on me to keep me warm and so that people don't scream when I walk by them. I don't give a fuck about the rest.

Steve
21st October 08, 12:42 AM
Tom, you're trying to talk to someone who thinks clothes make a man.

Give up already.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:43 AM
I don't give a fuck about the rest.

Then why are you here? Go make a thread about dressing like a loser if you don't care about good looking clothes.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 12:46 AM
Tom, you're trying to talk to someone who thinks clothes make a man.

Give up already.

Why won't people give hobos the time of day? Because they look like hobos.

bob
21st October 08, 12:46 AM
The concept of middle class suburbanites spending considerable sums on a fabric specifically designed to be hard wearing for people involved in heavy physical labour amuses me no end.

Steve
21st October 08, 12:52 AM
Why won't people give hobos the time of day? Because they look like hobos.

So you're saying you're like my 'ave rats' I have here in Seattle. They are obviously not homeless but panhandle nonetheless.

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:57 AM
Why won't people give hobos the time of day? Because they look like hobos.

I think you just found your calling, my friend. You will be a fashion king in the world of hobos. Instead of having tooth-pick models wearing ridiculous outfits on the run way, you'll have hobos doing it with your clothes. I think you could make millions. And give me 10% for giving you the idea.

WarPhalange
21st October 08, 12:59 AM
Look MJS, I see no reason to spend a lot of money on something that I simply put on for a day at a time. With a guitar, you actually play it. You put it to use. I'd sooner spend money on a decent hammer than a fucking $100 sweat shirt. Thank GOD for Ross. It's $20 now, bitches. Anyway, it's pointless. They're just clothes.

See, for my dad, he's a welder. If he buys shitty boots for work, he'll regret it later when the glue melts and the sole detaches from the rest of the boot. I can understand him dishing out the extra $$$ for something nice. But I can't justify that when I go buy pants to do physics in. It honestly doesn't matter.

nihilist
21st October 08, 01:03 AM
Derelicte Campaign needs designers.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 01:21 AM
The concept of middle class suburbanites spending considerable sums on a fabric specifically designed to be hard wearing for people involved in heavy physical labour amuses me no end.

And how about those pants? Skirts save a lot of material and really only soldiers or manual laborers need them.


Look MJS, I see no reason to spend a lot of money on something that I simply put on for a day at a time. With a guitar, you actually play it. You put it to use. I'd sooner spend money on a decent hammer than a fucking $100 sweat shirt. Thank GOD for Ross. It's $20 now, bitches. Anyway, it's pointless. They're just clothes.

See, for my dad, he's a welder. If he buys shitty boots for work, he'll regret it later when the glue melts and the sole detaches from the rest of the boot. I can understand him dishing out the extra $$$ for something nice. But I can't justify that when I go buy pants to do physics in. It honestly doesn't matter.

You spend the extra money to look more attractive. I'm sure the point of cosmetics eludes you as well but that's still a massive industry. By the way, that twenty dollar sweat shirt is cheaper because it uses lower quality materials and labor, not just because it doesn't have the designer's name on it.

bob
21st October 08, 01:51 AM
And how about those pants? Skirts save a lot of material and really only soldiers or manual laborers need them.





The less I see of your crotch the better.

Aphid Jones
21st October 08, 10:19 PM
Hey MJS, how about a similar thread on jackets for the northwest? I'm really getting into your obsessive musings.

Yiktin Voxbane
21st October 08, 10:32 PM
Interesting read ....

Shows how differently we all veiw the simple act of clothing ourselves and the importance some folks place on making a show of the whole thing .

For the record ..

<--- Always been a denim/steelcapped boots/flanelette shirt kinda guy .

But I look tEh Deadly in a suit and was born to wear tails .

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
21st October 08, 10:32 PM
Hey MJS, how about a similar thread on jackets for the northwest? I'm really getting into your obsessive musings.

Maybe later.

Kiko
22nd October 08, 02:29 PM
But I look tEh Deadly in a suit and was born to wear tails .

You are the Astaire of CTC, Twytch!

SFGOON
23rd October 08, 02:57 AM
And how about those pants? Skirts save a lot of material and really only soldiers or manual laborers need them.



You spend the extra money to look more attractive. I'm sure the point of cosmetics eludes you as well but that's still a massive industry. By the way, that twenty dollar sweat shirt is cheaper because it uses lower quality materials and labor, not just because it doesn't have the designer's name on it.

Yup. If you think that the extra 50$-1000$ is just for the label on the inside or outside, you're dead wrong. I tend to buy expensive clothes and go waayyyy out of my way to make sure they don't have any designer labels on them. Everything that MJS has said about pantaloons applies to all other clothes. Designer clothes hold their color and shape better, present a better silhouette, fit better assuming you know how to buy clothes that fit, and typically last much longer than cheap shit bought at K-mart - so much so that a total cost of ownership analysis point to well made expensive clothes being a more economical choice. There is little benefit to self-imposed frump.

Robot Jesus
23rd October 08, 05:27 PM
I've got a pair of lee jeans that fit quite nicely. what is your objection to them my fellow jesus

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
24th October 08, 02:42 PM
I've got a pair of lee jeans that fit quite nicely. what is your objection to them my fellow jesus

That you don't know what a good fit of denim even looks like.


I do spend more and more money on clothes the more I earn, but I find that working out at the gym is what has helped my clothes fit the best.

You need to stay lean, though. Getting too bulky is nearly as unflattering as getting too fat.

EuropIan
24th October 08, 03:05 PM
I look horrible in my current jeans, I'm going to follow MJS completely pants advice on my next purchase.

One question though, is it possible for me to have nice fitting jeans all the while having functional pockets?

Robot Jesus
24th October 08, 03:21 PM
You need to stay lean, though. Getting too bulky is nearly as unflattering as getting too fat.

says the archer.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
24th October 08, 07:12 PM
I look horrible in my current jeans, I'm going to follow MJS completely pants advice on my next purchase.

One question though, is it possible for me to have nice fitting jeans all the while having functional pockets?

I can fit a cellphone, a wallet, keys, a medium-size pipe, weed in a pill jar, a grinder, a lighter, and cigarettes in my pockets at once and I wear 511s. Carrying that much looks pretty funny but it's not difficult.

WarPhalange
25th October 08, 01:09 AM
You smoke cigarettes and you're trying to lecture us on "cool"? This isn't 1950.

bob
25th October 08, 03:36 AM
It's ok though because he's not working class. If he was stuffing them into the sleeve of his white t-shirt, then you'd have a case against him.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 05:16 PM
Look MJS, I see no reason to spend a lot of money on something that I simply put on for a day at a time.

You'll probably think this guy looks like a fag, I just wanted to point out that his outfit cost less than 40 euros.

http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/fab.jpg

WarPhalange
25th October 08, 05:23 PM
He'd look like a fag even if he had $4000 Euros on him.

WarPhalange
25th October 08, 05:24 PM
Honestly, a big scarf?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 05:27 PM
He needs to drop the scarf, sure, but he's still infinitely better dressed than you. That translates to sex and promotions.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:18 PM
ALL of those jeans look like shit, but the Kingstons look even worse than the other two. The Rococos look okay above the knees, but they make your calf look like a shitty tube of denim. The 557s look like you stole a pair of bell-bottoms from someone five inches taller than you. The Kingstons need to tighten up considerably in the calf and the pre-stressing looks like absolute shit. Out of the three the Rococo's look like they have the highest quality denim. I'd still return them.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:24 PM
The biggest problem you're having with the Rococos is that your goofy ass clown shoes don't fit such an average leg silhouette. You think the two bootcuts look better because the wideness balances out your goofy shoes. Find some thinner shoes and and try the jeans again.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:27 PM
You also don't know what your inseam is.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:32 PM
The hem of your jeans is nearly dragging on the floor in spite of your utterly massive footwear.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:46 PM
No one cares how much sock you show when you sit down, especially if you have to wear goofy oversized jeans to stop it. Take a picture with some 30L jeans if you have them.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 07:56 PM
I don't know if you can fit into 30x30 511s. That's what I bought last time, though in hindsight I probably should have sized down because they've stretched a bit.

Even if you could, they would not fit with your clown shoes. Get a pair of thin moccasins or something that adds as little as possible to the weight of your foot.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
25th October 08, 09:33 PM
a good pair of moccasins are like slippers that you can wear outdoors. winning style there.

Tanhalen21
25th October 08, 09:58 PM
Hey MJS quick question.

I have a pair of INCREDIBLY tight polyester plaid pants. Like, you can straight up see how big my cock is. Is this socially acceptable? I mean you can basically see the tip outline.

WarPhalange
26th October 08, 12:15 AM
He needs to drop the scarf, sure, but he's still infinitely better dressed than you. That translates to sex and promotions.
He looks like he just grabbed some shit from my grandma's closet. Honestly, giant scarf, weird jacket thing with huge fucking buttons. What is that shit?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
27th October 08, 08:42 PM
I'm going to retract my Nudies recommendation and plug APC jeans instead. Their sizing is very specific and as a result will require tailoring but both the prices and the quality of the denim seem better to me. Remember to size down.


Hey MJS quick question.

I have a pair of INCREDIBLY tight polyester plaid pants. Like, you can straight up see how big my cock is. Is this socially acceptable? I mean you can basically see the tip outline.

I'm going to say no.

partyboy
27th October 08, 10:28 PM
I prefer Carhartt's (TM):

http://www.e-workers.net/items/pants_carhartts.jpg

http://www.coastalfarm.com/Images/c_carhartt_02.jpg

I look much better gunning down large game and field dressing them in those... plus the blood stains come out *much* easier

Tanhalen21
27th October 08, 11:44 PM
I'm going to say no.

That's what I thought.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
28th October 08, 03:20 AM
I prefer Carhartt's (TM):

http://www.e-workers.net/items/pants_carhartts.jpg

[IMG]http://www.coastalfarm.com/Images/c_carhartt_02.jpg[IMG]

I look much better gunning down large game and field dressing them in those... plus the blood stains come out *much* easier

And they look terrible.

Tanhalen21
28th October 08, 03:28 AM
MJS how do you feel about plaid bellbottoms in general? Just wondering.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
28th October 08, 03:33 AM
Bell bottoms in general are usually a no.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
28th October 08, 03:42 AM
You payed about $60 too much for those jeans. The denim alone from a pair of APC or Dior jeans is worth more than your fake designer jeans.

Tanhalen21
28th October 08, 04:06 AM
Bell bottoms in general are usually a no.
They look pretty sweet on me. I'm going to wear them for the show I have coming up. I'm also going to wear a necklace made out of testicles. Just for poops and giggles.

TheMightyMcClaw
28th October 08, 05:32 PM
moccasins suck. You can't be serious. I need shoes I can kick ass and take names in.

I concur whole-heartedly:
http://photos-c.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v354/91/58/2227597/n2227597_44935034_3985.jpg

Kiko
1st November 08, 01:50 PM
9 out of 10 wenches agree.

Also, socks showing are only oke if they're dark. White socks? Who are you, Cliff Claven?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
1st November 08, 04:03 PM
who wears white socks anyway?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
1st November 08, 04:11 PM
being at the extreme end of men's sizes is pretty whack. I'm stuck with 29w because i can't go any further down Levi's sizes without also losing inseam.

Thank god APC goes down to 24w. can't wait to get a pair.

Tanhalen21
1st November 08, 04:15 PM
being at the extreme end of men's sizes is pretty whack. I'm stuck with 29w because i can't go any further down Levi's sizes without also losing inseam.

Thank god APC goes down to 24w. can't wait to get a pair.
What the fuck? You must be part Ethiopian.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
1st November 08, 05:38 PM
my waist is about 29", but I would prefer to size a pair of Levi's down one size. APC uses natural, untreated denim that stretches quite a bit, so sizing down 1 - 3 sizes depending on desired fit is what both APC and their customers recommend. So I'd probably end up with 25 or 26w.

partyboy
17th November 08, 01:30 PM
I think family guy said it best last night:

fPehJKgGx8Y

thanks yosemite sam

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 01:52 PM
Skinny jeans don't have any less crotch room than normal jeans. I covered that earlier in this thread. Thanks for reading.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 02:22 PM
That's the result of buying them with a lot of extra inseam so that the denim stacks on itself. It's an indicator of the quality of the denim and works better with the narrow leg openings on slim jeans. That's all.

Here's a well-worn pair of APCs that might be closer to what you like. APC doesn't do distressed washes, so all the fading you see is just natural to this type of denim.
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/apcpr2.jpg
This cut is essentially the 501 with a slightly lower rise.

bob
17th November 08, 02:56 PM
Do you know the origin of the trend for having rips in the knees of your jeans?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 03:02 PM
Being a cocksucker? Or maybe some connection to the working class. I don't know.

bob
17th November 08, 03:13 PM
The former, specifically a prison bitch. Also the origin of the word 'punk' which was appropriated, along with the ripped jeans, with some irony.

SuperGuido
17th November 08, 03:48 PM
I find it entertaining that so many men on this forum are overly sensitive about appearing "manly"...and, as such, jump into the deep end when it comes to MJS' advice on fashion (which is solid).

Presenting yourself well goes WAY beyond just getting tail. In the Marines, one of the FIRST concepts taught is "Pride in Uniform = Pride in Self". If you look good, then you feel good. If you feel good, then you perform good.

I've heard a phrase regarding "Fist vs Heel" strikes. "When in doubt, do as Bas Rutten does."

When it comes to fashion..."When in doubt, do as James Bond does."

Would this man be caught in Walmart-brand baggy jeans?

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x3/satori81/danielcraig.jpg

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x3/satori81/CasinoRoyaleDanielCraigEvaGreen.jpg

partyboy
17th November 08, 05:50 PM
give me the cash flow to back it up and I'd be stylin all the time. unfortunately I spend my money on my mortgage, food, and training. with the occasional beer thrown in...

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 06:07 PM
Thrift stores, used clothing stores, craigslist, and e-bay.

TheMightyMcClaw
17th November 08, 07:24 PM
Thrift stores, used clothing stores, craigslist, and e-bay.

Seconded. Most of my clothing comes from eBay.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 08:26 PM
That's APC's New Standard. The distressing is entirely natural and the jeans would have looked like this when they were new:
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/yhst-1478880498451_1950_89536776.jpg
APC does vanity sizing so if you buy a pair of these by your true measurements you'll end up with a relaxed fit. Size down at least one for a normal fit, but many people size them down as much as two or three.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
17th November 08, 08:33 PM
Left is another pair of New Standards fresh off the rack, right is the same pair roughly nine months later (the first picture was after 14 months)
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/jeanscomparelv9.jpg

Sang
18th November 08, 11:33 AM
As someone who works sales in a half-decent clothing store:

JESUS-SAN is 100% right, when it comes to fit 'skinny' guys. If you are one of them i'd follow his advice very carefully, i turn down a 40% discount at my store to buy jeans elsewhere since the cuts don't suit me.

When it comes to a man who's carrying extra weight i really don't think this thread is relevant, you know how bad those overweight girls look who walk around wearing tight as pants.. thats you. Straight cuts do look better on these guys.

The comfort v style has already been covered so i won't go into that.

Once last but important point is that you have to make sure the jeans are congruent with your overall style, doing one item right may stick out like a sore thumb if you don't at least make an effort with the rest of your outfit.

And i don't mean buy a shit load of highfashion items, that looks terrible. One of the best looks around is very simple and non-queer; navy singlet, silver chain with something individual on it, black good jeans (see op) and decent shoes.

Oi JESUS-SAN, do male accessories or shirt/jackets next.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
18th November 08, 09:34 PM
I covered that in the OP when I recommended the 501, which should comfortably fit any man of reasonable size.

And singlets? Seriously? lol

Sang
20th November 08, 02:06 AM
Australian weather, it's acceptable here. The idea is to show your positive traits and hide your negatives, much like you wearing a fitted shirt to show your lack of a gut, a singlet can show off a well muscled body. It's such a big topic we're better off just leaving it at jean discussion for now or i'll end up with an even bigger headache.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th December 08, 12:51 AM
For about $44 I got a pair of rigid Levi's that blow NoB's 70 dollar crap away. They're feel like armor plated denim, holy shit it's awesome.

f4n4n
11th December 08, 08:56 AM
Well I wear jeans because I can do what ever the fuck I want with them. Sit down on the street? I just do it. Feel like doing some handy work without getting changed? I just do it. Not care about what I do and where I kneel/sit/lean on while shooting pictures? I just do it.
So when I buy jeans I look for some that are comfortable, can fit in my stuff (keys, wallet, cell) and don't look like somebody had them for 10 years before I bought them (I hat the used look shit).

When I wana look good (in terms of "look good by standards of others"), I wear suit pants, with a dress shirt, black in black with a belt (optional pullover/jumper) and if it is special I take one of my suits and occasional a tie and that is it.

Fashion "problem" solved! Can we go back to drinking and the ladies now?

SuperGuido
11th December 08, 09:54 AM
And singlets? Seriously? lol

Are we talking "Wrestling Singlet":

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x3/satori81/singlet.jpg

Or, as we Americans call it, a Tank Top or "Wife Beater"?

http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x3/satori81/incredible-hulk-FL-01.jpg

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th December 08, 02:15 PM
Well I wear jeans because I can do what ever the fuck I want with them. Sit down on the street? I just do it. Feel like doing some handy work without getting changed? I just do it. Not care about what I do and where I kneel/sit/lean on while shooting pictures? I just do it.
So when I buy jeans I look for some that are comfortable, can fit in my stuff (keys, wallet, cell) and don't look like somebody had them for 10 years before I bought them (I hat the used look shit).

You think I baby my jeans?

Yiktin Voxbane
11th December 08, 03:43 PM
At least your jeans aren't a SHITTY colour and I bet the buttoNz on yer jeans work and look good too .

Tanhalen21
11th December 08, 03:46 PM
Fashion "problem" solved! Can we go back to drinking and the ladies now?

NO! We can NEVER go back!

Domite
11th December 08, 04:06 PM
can you do shirts next?

Shawarma
11th December 08, 04:11 PM
Once You Go Green...You Can Never Go Back!

Doesn't really have a very good ring to it, does it?

f4n4n
11th December 08, 04:53 PM
can you do shirts next?I think there was already one done on this subject...

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
7th January 09, 08:01 PM
got apcs today
armor plated denim
they could totally stop bullets

boondock lee
9th January 09, 10:36 AM
got apcs today
armor plated denim
they could totally stop bullets

Vids of denim stopping bullets plz.

Where did you get them?

jvjim
9th January 09, 11:41 AM
got apcs today
armor plated denim
they could totally stop bullets

If you had to wear a pair of designer jeans they don't look too bad. If you're lean enough.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
9th January 09, 01:49 PM
Vids of denim stopping bullets plz.

Where did you get them?

apc store in hollywood. really basic, minimalist place.


If you had to wear a pair of designer jeans they don't look too bad. If you're lean enough.

huh? did you babelfish this?

Toby Christensen
10th January 09, 11:18 PM
Jeans are constrictive and stopped being trendy in the '80s. If you want to constantly wear jeans, I'd be bidding hello to testicular swelling and cancer.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
10th January 09, 11:32 PM
Jeans are constrictive? What the fuck do you wear, nightgowns?

Toby Christensen
10th January 09, 11:38 PM
Boxers and slacks or suit bottoms. I refrain from the urge to wear lady's clothes, although you don't offend me by wearing them. Drag queens make me shiver and avert my eyes and sprint off rather than look at them. They don't bother me per se.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
10th January 09, 11:42 PM
The real irony is that my jeans are probably considerably nicer than the POS slacks you're buying.

Toby Christensen
10th January 09, 11:50 PM
Yeah, that's true. Tell me though simply to humour a young man, do you buy lady's jeans to go along with the rest of your drag?

I mean don't get me wrong, I've got a female hermaphrodite friend, but she can really work it*

*Pick up guys and take them home even.

Plus I support your right to wear whatever you want. I have a VERY hard time finding decent hats and tractable shoes.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
10th January 09, 11:57 PM
unisex cut, the male version has a slightly higher rise for more dick room, it's a whole button's worth of difference
oh and girl jeans jokes haven't been funny for about five years. fyi emo is out too, so don't make any of those jokes unless you want to appear dated and goofy

Toby Christensen
10th January 09, 11:58 PM
I have never had ANY concern for emo. I'm not about to, neither.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th January 09, 12:01 AM
My point was that skinnies aren't exclusive to a few subcultures anymore, everyone is now wearing more fitted jeans that they were a few years ago. Everyone. You remember how when you were a kid and adults were always talking about how goofy baggy jeans looked and how they were connected with prison bitches? Yeah, that's pretty much what you sound like, old and lame.

Toby Christensen
11th January 09, 01:56 AM
Hmmmm... if you say so. I simply see human folly as human folly. Jeans remind me of the early 90's cos I wore them when I rode horses at 11.

Wiggas and emos are still both around and they do not provoke any sort of reaction past disinterest from me.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th January 09, 05:06 AM
Is Australia a commune for gender benders escaping the oppression of masculine clothing? I can't picture a modern man not owning a pair of denim. Like a Roman without a toga or the same man without a suit.

Syntactical Disruptorize
11th January 09, 05:45 AM
Don't be too surprised. To all appearances, Toby is dressed by his mother:


http://www.naming-schemes.org/%7Echardin/images/toby.jpg

Toby Christensen
11th January 09, 06:38 PM
I don't doubt jeans are about. Jackaroos and Jillaroos wear them. I don't own a pair and haven't since I was a boy.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
11th January 09, 06:42 PM
So wait, are jeans workwear or playwear? You're all over the place with this.

Syntactical Disruptorize
11th January 09, 07:10 PM
I don't doubt jeans are about. Jackaroos and Jillaroos wear them. I don't own a pair and haven't since I was a boy.
Judging by your photo, your use of the past tense is erroneous.

Syntactical Disruptorize
11th January 09, 07:10 PM
So wait, are jeans workwear or playwear? You're all over the place with this. The difference only matters to adults.

Toby Christensen
11th January 09, 07:13 PM
Perhaps I am a little. Jeans are not really worn by people in the city, as far as I can tell. People in the numerous small towns wear them for practical reasons.

If we discount blue jeans, then they sometimes form part of the wardrobe of sexy women, provided they are other colours.

I remember ripping jeans off a very good friend of mine to the extent that the button went shooting off and she could never wear them again. It's interesting to note she was a manual labourer, which would suggest practicality, not fashion.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th January 09, 12:29 AM
Maybe Australia is still struggling through the Industrial Revolution or maybe it's just an American thing but denim as fashion isn't a strange concept at all. Rockstars and gold miners wore it and they were pretty on the ball. Either way denim is pretty sexy and fuck you because blue is definitely the best color.

Syntactical Disruptorize
12th January 09, 12:57 AM
Dude, look at Toby's photo again and ask yourself why you'd be surprised that his fashion sense is ass.

Toby Christensen
12th January 09, 03:12 AM
Maybe Australia is still struggling through the Industrial Revolution or maybe it's just an American thing but denim as fashion isn't a strange concept at all. Rockstars and gold miners wore it and they were pretty on the ball. Either way denim is pretty sexy and fuck you because blue is definitely the best color.

Actually as I pointed out, since Federation we have made a lot of inventions.

Rockstars and goldminers WORE it. I met a goldminer on his very profitable claim and he didn't wear jeans. Overly large hat? Yes. Big beard? Sure. Boots? Yes. Big, well equipped house, skips etc etc etc Of course.

But jeans? I seem to recall long pants not made of denim. They were brown rough cloth, but not denim.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th January 09, 03:23 AM
How about we stop chasing tales and you just shut the fuck up? I really, honestly don't care if a ward of the state thinks I dress poorly.

Toby Christensen
12th January 09, 03:43 AM
Well then stop asking opinions from people at Wolston Park and the prisons (as much as the prisoner interred in the prisons would want to bugger you) and ask me, a free citizen.

Now shut the fuck up before I run as an independent, attract voters and form majority government.

But I agree, I fucking hate Maths classes too.

Syntactical Disruptorize
12th January 09, 04:00 AM
Nobody asked you a thing, Toby. And no one ever will.

http://www.naming-schemes.org/%7Echardin/images/toby-shithead.jpg

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th January 09, 03:56 PM
i picked up a pair of leggings today for the ultimate skinny fit
pics forthcoming

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
12th January 09, 04:04 PM
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/nylons.jpg
perhaps a little indelicato? help me out here guys

Japuma
12th January 09, 04:16 PM
Congrats on the negitive bulge, +1 for putting that out there on the interwebs.

Toby Christensen
12th January 09, 05:12 PM
http://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t67/BullshidoTrail/nylons.jpg
perhaps a little indelicato? help me out here guys

How about a little harlequinesque and VERY weird?

Syntactical Disruptorize
12th January 09, 05:38 PM
How about a little harlequinesque and VERY weird?
For the first time, Toby, you and I are in total agreement.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th January 09, 09:33 PM
APC's denim is also some of softest I've worn in spite of being so stiff and sturdy. These aren't even broken in yet they're not nearly as rough as some of my cheaper, yet broken in jeans.

I think I bought a size too large though. Oh well, I know for next time.

EuropIan
13th January 09, 09:46 PM
APC's denim is also some of softest I've worn in spite of being so stiff and sturdy. These aren't even broken in yet they're not nearly as rough as some of my cheaper, yet broken in jeans.

I think I bought a size too large though. Oh well, I know for next time.
EMO GOTH FAGGOT!!!!

This spoiler contained a spoiler

Which had a spoiler
and another one
You are not wearing those shoes, ergo it is not you

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th January 09, 10:06 PM
the fuck you talking about

EuropIan
13th January 09, 10:27 PM
I'm saying "Fuck yo shoes, bitch"

Mr. Jones
13th January 09, 10:28 PM
this thread is full of faggotry and should be closed.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th January 09, 11:05 PM
what's wrong with the shoes?

EuropIan
13th January 09, 11:22 PM
Not with those pants.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th January 09, 11:33 PM
do they count as pants?

EuropIan
13th January 09, 11:41 PM
moar liek pantyhoes amirite?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th January 09, 11:44 PM
they're clearly briefhose

EuropIan
13th January 09, 11:46 PM
ifabitontightsidehoes

Robot Jesus
13th August 09, 02:25 PM
I got some horst, they fit good.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th August 09, 03:17 PM
jesus christ dude this thread died six months ago

Robot Jesus
13th August 09, 03:36 PM
so I should start a new thread? fuck that, necromancy is my chosen school, fuck abjuration.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
13th August 09, 03:43 PM
p.s. this thread SUCKED i can't believe i rec'ed nudies

Ajamil
13th August 09, 11:24 PM
Nude is always a good fashion choice.

EuropIan
16th August 09, 11:43 PM
I followed MJS' jeans advice and bought some 501's.

never have a pair of jeansfit me so well in the inseam..

Though I'm wearing them wet right now to stretch them out.

Robot Jesus
17th August 09, 12:00 AM
so far it's the only fashion advice of his that has made sense.

EuropIan
17th August 09, 12:07 AM
idk.. WEAR STUFF THAT FITS YOUR BODY seems like good advice