View Full Version : X360: Ninja Gaiden 2

21st July 08, 01:44 PM

This is a difficult review to write. If you are too strict, it will prompt a "lol u sux, l2p" if you oversell the gameplay and praise the difficulty you will get "lol u haev no lief l2getlaid"

Striking the precarious balance between the 2 groups is virtually impossible. So I will izuna drop the former and embrace the latter.

Ninja gaiden 2 is the first game in a while that actually made me work for it. The game made me work for it because the it is, like its predecessor, actually out to kill you. This provides a refreshing change from the usual "randomly smash buttons like a monkey on crack and still win"-approach more or less adopted by most action games everywhere. This is some old-school, yell at your TV, throw your controller-esque shit. And I fucking love it.

this is to pre-empt Poop Loops posting Penny Arcade Ninja Gaiden strips in lieu of actually posting. So neener neener poops

So the game is hard and you will die, alot. But that isn't really a selling point is it? Well, how about the fact that you will die less and less after you learn how to play the fucking game and not because you memorized a scripted 'Simon says' scripted button sequence. This is where I should use phrases like 'rewarding gameplay' and 'difficulty curve'. Instead I'm going to replace those with 'awesome' because that's what it is. The difficulty is awesome. period.

Then there's the weapons, my god the weapons. Each and every weapon is a powerhouse and will change the way you approach the game, effectively giving you 9 different characters. Then there's the missile weapons and ninpo each with their own strengths and weaknesses, providing a little extra flavor if you need it.

As for features, there's nothing really exciting and new. XBL leaderboards, new game+, extra costumes. The only mildly exciting feature is ninja cinema which is used as a tool to help you kill more efficiently. Tecmo has announced a mission mode will be made available through XBL, purchased with fake real Microsoft money.
[/semi-drunken rant]

Now, if you've played the previous NG you will have some questions:

Q: How is the gameplay in comparison to the xbox original?
A: It plays in a similar manner. But the focus is now entirely on killing. You play defensively by killing and exploiting the invulnerability frames given by throws and Obliteration techniques (that kill) and you play aggressively by killing some fucking dudes. No more hanging back holding block to asses the situation, just go kill some dudes!

Q: I was never man enough to handle the camera in the original. Has it improved?
A: No, in fact, because of the faster gameplay it seems worse. But that's just because you're too much of a pussy. Camera was never a real hindrance for me.

Q: How would you compare the difficulty to the previous one?
A: Bosses are easier (if a bit more erratic), normal encounters are more intense. Explosions per second increase with difficulty. Path of the acolyte should provide a nice challenge for weaksauce players. Overall, I would say the same.

Q: I used to farm yellow essence for potions by repeating encounters, is this possible
A: You are a fucking pussy. However, now that save points refill your health the first time around and the more generous distribution of said save points will ensure the potion upkeep isn't as bad now.

Q: I hate using the bow and aiming sucks. So how do I beat the boss from Chapter 3?
A: you don't, you fucking pussy.

Q: I heard the story is lame, is this true?
A: I was too busy killing ninjas, werewolves, Demons, Ninja Dogs, ninjas with rocket launchers, giant spider ninjas and greater demons to care. If you play action games solely for story, your priorities are wrong.

Q: I heard there was slowdown and crashing n' stuff
A: There is. But think of it as the X360 breaking under the pressure of sheer awesomeness. This is actually my only complaint as Ninja Gaiden 2 has some serious technical issues that would normally be dealbreakers. But not the stairs the stairs has awesome slowdown.

Q: Is it 'real' HD?
A: No GTFO you analretentive pixel counter. It looks awesome in motion, that is all that matters. Some backgrounds are bland, BUT YOU ARE TOO BUSY KILLING STUFF.

Q: waaaaah too many explosions.
A: you aren't killing efficiently enough

Q: I like DMC4 because Dante and Nero are sooooo cool blablabla combos blablabla red leather jackets blablabla fapfapfap...
A: Nero is a faggot and Dante is a cunt. Ryu doesn't need unplayable expository scenes to show how god damned badass he is.

Q: But surely Kratos?
A: Kratos gets a free pass, but that 'simon says' shit is getting annoying. Also, too easy.

Game is awesomesauce. If you are a weaksauce, it is not for you.

8/10 For fans. Great game marred by technical flaws, lack of polish and the occasional seemingly random explosion killing you. But it will be awesome all the while. You will replay it on the harder difficulties, die a thousand deaths and have an awesome time.

6/10 for the weaksauce crowd. You will never see the end of the game..and you should stick to the fun, but harmless, LEGO Star Wars.

P.S. Awesome Gaiden (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/445123)

21st July 08, 01:58 PM
Did i mention it's incredibly bloody?


very bloody

21st July 08, 02:02 PM
You appear to have an adversarial relationship with the reader. I feel like I am being reviewed.

I will only buy it if it comes with the girls. Or does playing it make you cool and then you get girls?

You have been weighed and found....wanting.

If it helps, when you play it you will ooze so much manliness that women will show up at your doorstep for 'no reason'. True story...