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View Full Version : My review of "Wanted", the Angelina Jolie naked butt movie.



Dagon Akujin
28th June 08, 01:08 PM
If you made it through 4th grade science class you'll hate this movie.

Z4pWuFv48Zk

But if you can forget everything that Mr. Wizard or Bill Nye ever taught you, you may like "Wanted".

If you believe that a normal person with a normal gun can cause a bullet to do helicopters around a room, spinning in circles while plowing through ten different craniums without ever shattering or changing course due to impact, you might love this movie.

If you think that bullets stay in their casings after being shot, you may also enjoy.

If you think that the best way to defend yourself in a gun fight is to shoot other bullets out of the air before they hit you, you are in for a real treat.

If you think that a spring in your shoe can help you run about 500 mph so you can jump across buildings, then you are going to like the first 5 minutes.

If you can suspend all the rules ever taught to you in physics class, and pretend that binary ascii code has existed for thousands of years, and that a little bit of vodka and candle wax can cure a bullet wound in minutes, and that the person hunting you down to save your life is always going to be shooting guns at you instead of saying "I'm your father and I'm only here to help!", then you'll want to give this movie an award.

And this movie should definitely get an award. It needs a couple of Razzies to give it the credit it deserves.

elipson
28th June 08, 01:41 PM
Fucking duh.


Hell I figured all that out just watching the previews.

Steve
28th June 08, 01:59 PM
Yeah, I heard it was teh ultimate guy flick. Just unleash your stupid and enjoy.

Dagon Akujin
28th June 08, 02:03 PM
At least I got to see it for free. And can guys really be that stupid, Steve? I really hope this leads to a bunch of people killing themselves and their close friends while they try to "curve bullets". That would be a major accomplishment and I'd change my opinion and love this movie if it caused that to happen.

And yes, I've already heard gun nuts say that they could do it. *crosses fingers*

Phrost
28th June 08, 02:12 PM
Wait, there's a scene in it where they show a bullet in its casing after being fired?

Goddamnit.

Steve
28th June 08, 02:20 PM
HA, that's a real pet peeve of your's, lol.

Steve
28th June 08, 02:22 PM
And can guys really be that stupid, Steve?

You and I both know that the answer to this question is 'yes'.

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 02:34 PM
Wait, there's a scene in it where they show a bullet in its casing after being fired?

Goddamnit.

Yeah, imagine how I must feel after the severe raping they give to Lady Physics.

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 02:35 PM
Also, there was another Jolie movie that has her naked. Pre-boob job, though. I don't even remember what it was called. Before she became famous, obviously. It was like "Oh. Meh."

Phrost
28th June 08, 02:37 PM
Gia. It was horrible.

partyboy
28th June 08, 02:52 PM
tch, not even one mention of how this started off as a comic book full of super-villains running the world???

they completely raped the concept and made the people "assassins" instead of the bad-assed super-powered assholes they really were...

tch

Steve
28th June 08, 02:58 PM
I'm not surprised it wasn't mentioned, on the internet we are all super powered assholes.

Equipoise
28th June 08, 03:12 PM
At least I got to see it for free. And can guys really be that stupid, Steve? I really hope this leads to a bunch of people killing themselves and their close friends while they try to "curve bullets". That would be a major accomplishment and I'd change my opinion and love this movie if it caused that to happen.

And yes, I've already heard gun nuts say that they could do it. *crosses fingers*

I saw it last night. I go back on duty Monday. Anyone want to place bets on how long its going to take before I get a call reference someone blowing their kneecap off due to "curving the bullet" ?

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 03:22 PM
Wait, what exactly is "curving the bullet"? In that clip he just twisted his wrist. Tell me that's not all of it.

Equipoise
28th June 08, 04:09 PM
It is indeed all of it. "Use your instincts" is what Morgan Freeman/Sloan states. That's about it.

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 04:14 PM
Right, our gun instincts that we evolved over millions of years.

Steve
28th June 08, 04:33 PM
Right, our gun instincts that we evolved over millions of years.

http://www.badtofu.com/imgs/raptor_jet_m.jpg

Aphid Jones
28th June 08, 04:39 PM
Right, our gun instincts that we evolved over millions of years. No, before that! He means our Jurassic Park spitting dinosaur instincts. They curved the poison spit.

EDIT: Damn, Steve beat me to it.

bob
28th June 08, 06:56 PM
http://www.badtofu.com/imgs/raptor_jet_m.jpg

It's the cute little goggles that make that cartoon.

Dark Helmet
28th June 08, 07:12 PM
Yeah, I heard it was teh ultimate guy flick. Just unleash your stupid and enjoy.
No

That title belongs to Don't Mess With the Zohan.I wanted to kill everyone inside the movie theater for the 9,95$ I paid.

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 07:30 PM
I thought that was 300.

Shawarma
28th June 08, 07:33 PM
No, that is the ultimate GAY movie. Sounds similar, but different.

JohnnyCache
28th June 08, 07:56 PM
Uhm, they aren't supposed to be "normal people."

You guys are the reason movies suck - you should all be in a focus group so you can say "I didn't get it can we have more exposition?"

They weren't in a bath of candlewax.

The bullet you're refering too didn't "stay in it's casing" it had a discarding shrapnel spiral.

Stick
28th June 08, 08:18 PM
The bullets were actually quite awesome. What Dagon took for the casing was clearly some sort of fucked up multiple stage delivery system not unlike the Saturn rockets; it's a freakish hand crafted rilled bit looking thing that comes apart as it traverses miles to reach its target.

The bullets fired from plain old hand guns were shown to be just what they were, no casings were seen in flight.

The movie completely ignores the great comic book story and takes just the essence and feel. I would've liked to see something truer to the source material, but this was still entertaining.

There is nothing quite like shooting someone in the face point blank and shoving the 6"+ barrel of your revolver through the bullet hole so that you've got a human body dangling on your gun to act as a fucking meat shield.

Also, Angelina Jolie just is not that hot, fuck in this movie there were times I just wanted to scream "FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN, JUST EAT A SANDWHICH! PLEASE!" Fucking scrawny- the only real disbelief I couldn't suspend was the idea that she could even fire those guns without breaking her twig limbs.

The ergonomic key board across the face was a nice touch.

Domite
28th June 08, 08:20 PM
http://www.badtofu.com/imgs/raptor_jet_m.jpg

That was very funny.

Steve
28th June 08, 08:29 PM
It's amazing what comes up when you Google "dinosaur guns."

mrblackmagic
28th June 08, 09:00 PM
What I don't get is how "Wanted," the most made for the big screen graphic novel in comic book history, got turned into a two hour blah? They dropped the supervillian angle, the nihilistic ethos, and the shameless plaigerism of pop culture. I might actually be upset if I didn't get to see it free.

BTW, I miss the Angelina circa 2001. Thickness, were have you gone?

WarPhalange
28th June 08, 09:07 PM
I have some if you want it.

Arhetton
28th June 08, 09:40 PM
flying hotdogs!

Steve
28th June 08, 11:51 PM
flying hotdogs!

Yes, we know. (http://www.sociocide.com/forums/showthread.php?t=49947)

/plug for Backstabbing club

socratic
29th June 08, 05:55 AM
STEVE, IT APPEARS I CANNOT SEE WHAT YOU ARE LINKING TO.

SOMETHING ABOUT PRIVILIGES AND OR PRIVACY.

Slindsay
29th June 08, 09:27 AM
Uhm, they aren't supposed to be "normal people."

You guys are the reason movies suck - you should all be in a focus group so you can say "I didn't get it can we have more exposition?"

They weren't in a bath of candlewax.

The bullet you're refering too didn't "stay in it's casing" it had a discarding shrapnel spiral.

QFT

Seriously, what the fuck did you want from a movie about super powered assassins? Did you want them both to be cut to pieces in the opening gun fight because you can't shoot bullets out of the air or dodge them, then to spend the next two hours of the movie paralysed, slowly learning to walk again through months of intense and painful rehab, finally having to come to terms with the fact they ill never again be able to play football, let alone shoot people through sun roofs of cars flipping over each other?

Because that doesn't sound like avery good action movie to me.

Do you complain that spider man woul never really be strong enough to be able to throw cars at bad guys? Do you think there's no way for a blind man to be able to perceive the world around him the way Daredevil does? Do you think Bruce Banner should be dead after the exposure to radiation he had?

I have to ask what on earth you expected from this movie instead of what you got because I thought it was fucking awesome. Completely over the top, insane action and full of hillarious little moments like the ergonomic keyboard and the meat shield.

Slindsay
29th June 08, 09:29 AM
What I don't get is how "Wanted," the most made for the big screen graphic novel in comic book history, got turned into a two hour blah? They dropped the supervillian angle, the nihilistic ethos, and the shameless plaigerism of pop culture. I might actually be upset if I didn't get to see it free.

BTW, I miss the Angelina circa 2001. Thickness, were have you gone?

You have to pretend it's a completely different thing which, by coincidence, shares the same name and one or two similar scenes.

mrblackmagic
29th June 08, 01:37 PM
You have to pretend it's a completely different thing which, by coincidence, shares the same name and one or two similar scenes.

If they'd of handed the writing and directing to Kevin Smith, this wouldn't have happened.

nihilist
30th June 08, 12:46 AM
I'm pretty sure the bullet's curve was a direct result of the nanite farts that were carefully orchestrated to guide the lead around the Rambobag.

Anyway why do producers keep trying to reproduce The Matrix?
It's so tired.

WarPhalange
30th June 08, 01:01 AM
And it wasn't that good in the first place. Bullet time looked really cool. Besides that, it was all done before.

Steve
30th June 08, 01:01 AM
Yeah, this time they made the bullets bend in weird ways instead of the people. What a great idea.

WarPhalange
30th June 08, 01:10 AM
HAI GUYZ LETZ DO REVERSE BULLET TIME MAKE SHIT GO REALLY FAST INSTEAD OF SLOW PEOPLE WILL BE LIK WTF JUST HAPPENED LOL THAT WAS AWESOME

elipson
30th June 08, 01:10 AM
Saw it tonight, against my wishes.

Honestly, I think it was worth 8 bucks just to see him smash his buddy with the keyboard. I actually could have left after I saw that and been satisfied.

I REALLY wanted to walk out during the final fight scene. It really was that bad. I can't stand movies that glorify violence, and that's all this was.

On the upside, there were some funny moments.

The best way I can describe this movie, is that its amazing that they can do such a good job on such a TERRIBLE movie. The whole movie was a high priced paint job on a junk yard car.

WarPhalange
30th June 08, 01:12 AM
http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/saturn.jpg

WarPhalange
30th June 08, 01:54 AM
4th of July already fits the bill. How many people blow themselves up in the name of Patriotism that day?

nihilist
30th June 08, 02:08 AM
People are stupid. Don't they know that REAL AMERICUNZ are supposed to blow OTHER people up?

elipson
30th June 08, 02:09 AM
"The M-80 firecracker. Celebrate the birth of your country by blowing up a small part of it"

Gezere
30th June 08, 09:31 AM
I can't stand movies that glorify violence, and that's all this was.

Are:
a) A woman
b) gay (not really a qualifer becaus most the gay individuals I know are really violent)
c) a wuss

If you can't pick anyone of these then WTF is wrong with you!?!?!!?

VIOLENCE makes the world go round. Life would suck with out violence. Imagine a world where everyone was nice and peaceful. Not a crossed word or fist to be had. That world would SUCK MAJOR ASS!!!!

So thank the all devine for testoterone! Now go out, punch someone in the face, kick a baby, and find a hooker and maker her choke on your balls!!!!

VIVA LA VIOLENCE!!!!!

Oh and I will be watching this bootleg tonight because I can't bring myself to pay money for something that almost completely ignores the source material (well I did like the Bourne series but thats another story)

OZZ
1st July 08, 12:24 AM
I was somewhat interested in seeing this during a cheap matinee showing ( $4.25 to see it at this one theatre during the afternoon) but after reading this thread I am thinking I won't like it much.
I really don't know much about the comic. Angelina's ass is not enough to get me to go either.

Neildo
1st July 08, 02:52 AM
weak. i'll just read the comics again. i have great copies on my hard drive if anyone is interested.

partyboy
3rd July 08, 01:13 PM
QFT

Seriously, what the fuck did you want from a movie about super powered assassins? Did you want them both to be cut to pieces in the opening gun fight because you can't shoot bullets out of the air or dodge them, then to spend the next two hours of the movie paralysed, slowly learning to walk again through months of intense and painful rehab, finally having to come to terms with the fact they ill never again be able to play football, let alone shoot people through sun roofs of cars flipping over each other?


I'd link the video if I could, but this is a hilarious robot chicken sketch almost like what you're talking about:

http://thatvideosite.com/video/2626

JohnnyCache
5th July 08, 04:10 PM
If they'd of handed the writing and directing to Kevin Smith, this wouldn't have happened.

If they would have handed the directing to kevin smith, the movie would have sucked balls. Kevin Smith is not noted for his DP chops.

Porcelain_Ninja
24th July 08, 01:40 PM
I found it entertaining. That's all I demanded, I didn't have high expectations (although I saw the making of) to meet, and I hadn't read the comic.
Typically a Timur Bekmambetov flick. If you saw his previous work (Night Watch, Bay Watch) you'll notice how he tries to be epic (overusing the italicized here), but somewhat keeps it lukewarm. There are great moments though.
The first 5 minutes some were quick to dismiss as Hollywood bullshit are, nevertheless, quite AWESOME.

Dude, c'mon, wouldn't YOU like to sprint through an office corridor, overdue reports and sleazy co-workers sent flying away by your bersonic pass, just to throw yourself screaming through shattering glass and drawing your guns on hitmen with guns trained on you and you not giving a fuck because you're popping their heads like ripe mellons and all this in less than 5 seconds and omg i'm think im gonna...

*SPLURT*

...misfire.

Ajamil
4th September 08, 03:04 PM
tch, not even one mention of how this started off as a comic book full of super-villains running the world???

they completely raped the concept and made the people "assassins" instead of the bad-assed super-powered assholes they really were...

tch

See? If they had kept with the "supervillans take over the world and made everyone forget," then all that crazy anti=physics coulda been thrown out the window. But seriously, can anyone who read the book see a feasible way to make the movie exactly like the novel? With Shitface and Fuckwit and the Mr. Myxlplyx parody? Seriously?


What I don't get is how "Wanted," the most made for the big screen graphic novel in comic book history, got turned into a two hour blah?

What I don't get is how people like Frank Miller can be quoted in praise of such source-rape. Is he simply liking the exposure to graphic novels?


People are stupid. Don't they know that REAL AMERICUNZ are supposed to blow OTHER people up?
Fool, that's what the terrorists are doing. DUHHHH.

AAAhmed46
5th September 08, 10:21 PM
http://blogs.suntimes.com/scanners/saturn.jpg
what the hell is that

nihilist
5th September 08, 11:54 PM
Fool, that's what the terrorists are doing. DUHHHH.

They are blowing themselves up too or did you not know that?

WarPhalange
6th September 08, 01:23 AM
what the hell is that

It's Saturn eating one of his children. Look at the pure fear and insanity in his eyes. I plan to emulate that look on my death bed.

Steve
6th September 08, 05:46 AM
You wanna be that hungry on your death bed? No thanks.

mrblackmagic
6th September 08, 09:40 AM
It's Saturn eating one of his children. Look at the pure fear and insanity in his eyes. I plan to emulate that look on my death bed.

Can you remember to do that when, you know, you're dying?

WarPhalange
8th September 08, 02:09 PM
The obvious solution is to constantly have that look on my face, since I could die at any moment.

Halfrican
8th September 08, 05:11 PM
since I could die at any moment.


Stop eating all that pork

WarPhalange
8th September 08, 05:12 PM
I don't like pork much. Beef is where it's at.