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View Full Version : Hitman: the movie.



elipson
2nd December 07, 09:09 PM
Simply put, this movie was like a REALLY stupid version of the bourne identity.

The first redlight i noticed was that the cops pursuing the hitman were from Interpol. but interpol doesn't deal with international murders, they deal with child porn and human smuggling. I hoped this was the only thing wrong that I would see, but I was wrong.

The acter playing our protagonist did a piss poor job, and this is in addition to having a script that seemed like it was written by a grade 10 drama class. The plot was full of holes and made very little sense at all. The action scenes were mostly stupid, with out hero having superhuman abilities and seeming to never get hurt or phased.

The entire movie was implausible, and the ending was so bad I actually got angry when I saw it.

I had hoped that this wouldn't turn out like so many other video games gone to movie, but I was wrong. It seems like they were more interested in making a good video game cut scene, than in making an actually good movie.

ironlurker
3rd December 07, 12:16 AM
Thanks for the review and the saved cash.

WarPhalange
3rd December 07, 01:23 AM
I don't think I'll even pirate this movie.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
3rd December 07, 05:41 AM
Kept meaning to review the movie, but oh well. Movie needed more fibre wire and disguises, less love story, and a more appropriate actor for 47. At least they didn't use Vin Diesel, though they still let him put his dirty fucking hands all over it as executive producer.

Shawarma
3rd December 07, 06:56 AM
Playing Codename 47 as an actor would be interesting. Mainly because wooden acting is what's REQUIRED, 47 being such an icy SOB.

Does 47 show any kind of emotion in this movie? If so, it's autofail.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
3rd December 07, 07:01 AM
Falls in love with some floozy, saving her life. Even cracks a joke. The actor is about a foot too short, somewhat underweight and babyfaced to play 47, and does not have a gravelly accented voice.

Scrapper
3rd December 07, 10:08 AM
It was mindless action fluff, with a skinny Russian chick who took her clothes off.

I enjoyed it for what it was: 90 minutes of banal sex and violence.

Question!
3rd December 07, 12:44 PM
It was mindless action fluff, with a skinny Russian chick who took her clothes off.

I enjoyed it for what it was: 90 minutes of banal sex and violence.

An accurate summary and review.

Shawarma
3rd December 07, 01:25 PM
Oh, it did NOT have a romance subplot. Here's 47's reaction to being kissed from the first game:
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The man has the libido of a monolith. How can you add romance to that character?

Question!
3rd December 07, 03:06 PM
There wasn't really romance (or sex) per se, more of an affection.

boondock lee
3rd December 07, 05:52 PM
I saw the movie the day it came out or rather the morning. It was a shit fest with wings. The plot was clear as mud, ( something about the Russian president and a double) I don't know, I was too tired to give a shit. The only reason why I even paid to go see the movie was because my friend has a massive boner for hitman. The only thing that makes it surpass the rest of the video game movies was the fact that there was that russian chick naked. ( very nice and unexpected, almost like finding a five dollar in your pocket without realizing it)

elipson
3rd December 07, 08:09 PM
There was no actual sex in the movie.

The only thing that coud have improved, slightly, the movie would have been if they had killed 47 in the end.

Tortured heros HAVE to die, and they must NEVER get laid. Its how the genre is supposed to work. They pussied out and let him live.

Beowulf is a hundred times better. I AM LEGEND looks like it will kickass.

AAAhmed46
3rd December 07, 08:58 PM
I want to go watch I AM LEGEND

though isn't it technically a zombie movie?

Question!
3rd December 07, 10:07 PM
No, they are NOCTURNAL MUTANTS.

Oh, and the Dark Knight trailer is being released with I am Legend (if you watch it on IMAX they will show the 7 minute opening scene.)

boondock lee
4th December 07, 12:40 AM
I have high expectations for I AM Legend, I can't wait to see that. I might read the 1954 novel and watch the two films that is based on the novel.

mrblackmagic
4th December 07, 10:02 AM
Thanks, for saving me from writing this shit.

Olyphants portrayal suited the movie version of 47 than the videogame versions. The game has a genetically engineered super soldier with the swagger of someone befitting that title. The movie 47 was a child soldier: ultra-efficient, but emotionally retarded. He smoothly merc'd 4 guys in a restaurant in Istanbul, but freaks out when the chick throws herself on him. Simply said, the movie 47 was what would happen if a computer nerd actually became a world class assassin.

The plot played out kinda like chess, with a lot of plot holes. The the part with the bishop's key was a bit much. But kill this person to lure this person out was pretty clever.

WarPhalange
4th December 07, 11:42 PM
Simply said, the movie 47 was what would happen if a computer nerd actually became a world class assassin.

*imagines himself as a world-class assassin*

No, I don't think it would go down that way. For one, there would be toilet paper stuck to my shoe and I'd get tired after running up a flight of stairs.

mrblackmagic
6th December 07, 10:22 AM
I went to go see No Country for Old Men last night. I immediately regret seeing this movie.

ironlurker
6th December 07, 04:12 PM
I want to go watch I AM LEGEND

though isn't it technically a zombie movie?

That's based on an old story isn't it? Maybe Ray Bradbury (who incidentally, is one of the people still alive that everyone thinks is dead)

boondock lee
6th December 07, 11:54 PM
That's based on an old story isn't it? Maybe Ray Bradbury (who incidentally, is one of the people still alive that everyone thinks is dead)
Its based on an 1954 novel written by Richard Matheson. The original novel had the infected transformed into vampires.

mrblackmagic
7th December 07, 07:36 AM
Heathen. That movie was gorgeous. Didn't even need dialogue. Nice to have the main character be the villain, and have him actually win once and a while. The Darjeeling Limited was great too. Watched it twice in theater. Natalie Portman still has it by the way.

I. WAS. TALKING. ABOUT. HITMAN.

I honestly believe if I had seen No Country for Old Men first I would not have wasted my money on mediocre filmmaking.

Natalie never lost it, buddy.