View Full Version : The Bachelor Chef, Episode 3: Chips and Salsa

15th August 07, 11:51 PM
Chips and Salsa? But I buy that at the store!

Well you don’t have too. First, how much does it cost to buy a bag of tortilla chips and a can of salsa from the grocery store? I bet it is at least seven dollars…probably more. What do you get for your hard-earned money? You get a bag of broken chips and a can of Pace. Well that’s just not fucking good enough!

Lets make it ourselves. It’s not hard and it cost but a fraction of store bought chips and salsa. In fact, you can make this recipe for about two dollars and fifty cents. That’s right a big bag of chips (+80) and +16 ounces of Salsa for pocket change.

First off, let us make the salsa. This is what you will need.


-16 can of whole tomatoes
-3 jalapeno peppers
-1 teaspoon of garlic powder (not fucking garlic salt)
-1/2 teaspoon salt
-1/8 teaspoon pepper
-1 tablespoon cut cilantro (optional)

First off, stem and seed two of the Jalapeno peppers. To do this cut the top off of the pepper and then cut the it vertically in half. You will notice that inside the pepper is a bunch of seeds, and connected to them, are the stems. This is what makes a jalapeno hot. Cut or pull them out.

Then take the remaining pepper and weigh your manhood. If you like it hot then just chop that bastard up, and dump it all in. If you want it medium cut the pepper in half, stem and seed half and put the rest in whole. If you like show tunes and Princess Dianna then seed and stem all three peppers.

Next simply put the tomatoes, peppers, garlic powder, salt, and pepper in a blender and hit pulse a couple of times (do not over blend). That is it…you have salsa! It keeps in the refrigerator for up to ten days.

If you wish to add cilantro, just cut up a tablespoon or so and add it to the finished salsa.

Now if you just stop here and buy the chips from the store that is ok. But I like to make my own.

Lets get nuts.

Now I make my tortilla chips from a bag of Mesaca “Mesa” Corn Meal. And no, I am not kidding. However, this requires a tortilla press and some practice so lest skip it and use store bought corn tortillas.

What you will need.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/Oil_and_Tor.jpg-a bag to twenty or so corn tortillas
-vegetable oil

First cut the tortillas in half and then in half again. (like you cut a pizza) This will give you around 80 chips.

Next pull out your fry pan, cast iron is best, and heat the oil to 350 degrees. You will need a fry thermometer for this. They cost five dollars so quit your bitchin’ I have broken three of em. When you oil his 350 add in the tortillas. Make sure you do not add too many. A single layer is best. Just put them in one at a time until the fry pan is full.

If you have never done this before put one in first and practice. When the bubbling slows down, and the chip gets crisp, it’s done. Also, push the chips down in the oil to ensure proper cooking. Practice a little and you will get it.


http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/Dry.jpgAfter they are done, fish them out with a slotted spoon, and move them to a drying rig (paper towels) and add some salt. Add the next batch “rinse and repeat.” Keep the oil around 325. That’s about it. I keep mine in a big zip lock bag after they have dried.

These chips are so good; seriously, if you have only had store bought chips you need to try this at least once. They mix salty, sweet, and crunchy in ways store bought never could.

16th August 07, 12:36 AM
Hmmm. Love the fresh chips.

My Pico de Gallo

fresh tomatoes
cilantro - not optional!
jalapeno - with seeds if you got cajones!!!
lemon or lime - juice it
garlic is good

But my roasted tomatillo is better (and greener):
tomatillos - maybe you take a trip to the Latin quarter? for me its the corner store

soak tomatillos in water to remove outer papery part. make shishkabobs of the peppers and tomatillos and grill them before you put meat on the grill. Grill them until they are pretty gnarly, and then put them in a bowl to collect the oils*.

* WASH YOUR FREEKING HANDS. You don't want this stuff in your eyes.

Remove the stems from the tomatillos and grind, mash, pulverize the stuff into green goo. Add cilantro and other ingredients to taste.

Meanwhile your meat has cooked. take it off the grill, crack a mexican beer w. lime wedge, and bust out the soft corn tortillas. Heat them up and eat well.

16th August 07, 10:29 AM
you mean bachelor right?

also, garlic powder? gag. You can use a kitchen knife, i assume. dice your own garlic.

16th August 07, 02:22 PM
fresh tomatoes
cilantro, definitely not an option
1 cayenne (more or less to taste)
1 jalapeno
1 banana or anaheim pepper
1 medium sized cucumber
1 (or 2) cloves of garlic

place ingredients in blender and pulverize

mince 1 small red onion and stir in. (green onion is also good)

16th August 07, 04:41 PM
you mean bachelor right?

Whoops! I always screw up thread titles. (fixed it)

also, garlic powder? gag. You can use a kitchen knife, i assume. dice your own garlic.

Ya I thought about it. But 1 clove of fresh garlic = 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder. So I would have to fine dice eight cloves of garlic. But to tell the truth, I like this salsa just as it is.


16th August 07, 05:01 PM
i don't find the powder has half the flavor or spiciness of fresh garlic though. too much powder is overkill.

To each his own i guess. My favorite cuisine is Italian and Asian because of all that wonderful garlic.

16th August 07, 05:34 PM
You'd like my cooking Neildo - I use garlic as a vegetable, not a spice.

I'm usually pretty generous with the appetizers too - I think a good meal should feature a serious puff session before prep begins, another right before table time, and of course a fattie for afterwards when everyone is Fat, Dumb, and Happy.

Next time you make rice (tomorrow's breakfast, right? OMG AZN!) drop a couple of cloves into the pot.