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Olorin
14th December 06, 12:36 AM
Also known as, Olorin’s Guide to Making Home Made Pizza!

Olorin is here to show you how to make your own pizza “from scratch.” It is not as hard as it sounds. In fact, it is pretty easy.

“But cooking is for chicks,” you say. Oh really! First off, women love a man who can cook. No exceptions to the rule. Secondly, pizza is awesome! And you can make it whenever you want with a little basic knowledge.

So even if you always strike out with the ladies you will have a fresh home made Pizza to soothe your broken heart. But if you are not interested just go back to playing your video games… loser…

The total time start to finish will be about an hour and a half, longer if you do not cook.

What you need.

-3 cups all-purpose flour (its cheep they sell it at the store)
-One package active dry yeast (stop being a pussy, using yeast is not that hard)
-1/2 teaspoon salt (its salt, you already have it)
-One-cup warm water 120F to 130F. Too hot will kill the yeast, too cool and the yeast will not activate. It is not as hard as it sounds. I have made many pizzas and have never screwed this up. You just need to be careful. Once upon a time, you probably thought an arm-bar from guard was complicated too. Get a thermometer to read the temp of the water, it cost about five bucks and you can use it for a bunch of shit from pizza to fried chicken, don’t be a tight ass
-2 tablespoons cooking oil or olive oil (you should have this too)
-2-3 cups mozzarella cheese (buy it shredded and save some time)
-One can pizza sauce (not spaghetti sauce!) ask at the store if you can’t find it.
-Whatever toppings you want…
- Pizza pan…a nice big one.
-Small bag of corn meal (really cheep) also with flour and cornmeal you can make kick-ass cornbread, ask me and I will tell ya how)

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/Stuff.jpg

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/morestuff.jpg

Lets get this shit started…

Pull out a large mixing bowl and combine a heaping cup of the flour, the yeast, salt, and oil. Then add the water, which you heated to 120-130F.* Use a mixer to beat it for about three minutes. Or just kick its ass with a fork if you do not have a mixer.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/whipping.jpg

Then mix the rest of the flour into the dough with a big spoon, or as much as you can. It might not all go…but kick its ass like it owes you money.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/Flower.jpg

Dump the dough out onto a lightly floured surface. (hey you made dough!)

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/dough.jpg

Knead the dough for about seven minutes. To knead dough smash it flat with the heal of your hand, fold it over, turn dough 45 degrees and smash it flat again.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/knead.jpg

After seven minutes of kneading cover the dough and let it rest for 10 minutes. (It’s sleepy)

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/rest.jpg

Meanwhile preheat your oven to 425 degrees.

Spray your pizza pan with Pam and sprinkle with the cornbread. When ten minutes is up, lightly flour your surface again and roll out the dough with a rolling pin. If you do not have a rolling pin, you can use a clean glass to roll out the dough. Try to make a circle with the dough about the same size as your pan. When you think you have the right size transfer the dough to the pizza pan. If you forgot to lightly flour your surface, your dough will rip when you try to move it.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/roll.jpg

Build up the edges of the dough slightly to make the crust. Next, take out a fork and stab the dough all over while screaming, “Am I good enough now daddy!” Slap it in the preheated oven for 10-15 minutes or until it is very light brown.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/fork.jpg

After about 10 minutes take it out, cover with pizza sauce, cheese, and desired toping. I will leave it up to you to decide how much cheese, and sauce you what to use. I use about half a can of sauce so I can get two pizzas out of one can, and liberally cover the pizza with cheese and toppings.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/ready_to_cook.jpg

Put back in oven for another 10 minutes or until cheese is melted and bubbly.

http://www.bullshido.net/gallery/data/500/medium/finished.jpg

Take out, cut, and enjoy.

You made a pizza!

Steve
14th December 06, 12:43 AM
I love the thread (very much worthy of front page), but it should be in Geekdom.

Now to address you making me hungry.... Bastard! :-P

WarPhalange
14th December 06, 01:11 AM
Looks like someone peed on it.

Who peed on your pizza?

ThaiBoxerShorts
14th December 06, 01:18 AM
I still think an armbar from guard is complicated.

Earlier this evening, I returned to BJJ class for the first time in months. I was like, holy shit I forgot how hard this shit is. I much prefer kicking people in the head.

So I'm sure pizza would be quite beyond me.

Oh well.

Olorin
14th December 06, 01:22 AM
Looks like someone peed on it.

Who peed on your pizza?

When I make it with mushrooms, hamburger, or green pepper it does not happen. It has something to do with the pepperoni. It’s sweet, sweet pepperoni grease.

But it’s the grease that makes it good.

Steve
14th December 06, 01:25 AM
Agreed.

And considering that the majority of us here are MAists, the protein is good too!

Stick
14th December 06, 01:31 AM
Olorin has ipponed the correct; pepperoni greese gets all up in the cheese and darkens it, that's just the way pepperoni rolls.

Kick ass thread.

Maybe I'll try some time.

Zendetta
14th December 06, 02:08 AM
Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.

Steve
14th December 06, 02:17 AM
Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.

I'm asking.

Olorin
14th December 06, 02:36 AM
Sounds delicious. Ask me about my Thai Red Currry Chicken some time.


I'm asking.

Give it up Zen!

DAYoung
14th December 06, 03:20 AM
You have purdy hands.

Steve
14th December 06, 04:30 AM
Perv.

bob
14th December 06, 04:38 AM
Here's a question - what's the wierdest pizza you've ever had?

I had saurkraut pizza in Austria once. It sucked, as expected, but I'm a compulsive when it comes to new experiences.

Sirc
14th December 06, 04:49 AM
As an aside, I would suggest a little bit of garlic on the edges for a little flavor to the crust.

DAYoung
14th December 06, 06:01 AM
This evening, I made scrambled eggs, with steamed sweet potato, potato and garlic, with a little freshly-ground black pepper. We had it on crusty pane di casa, with fresh tomato, seeded mustard and tahini.

It was accompanied by a 2003 Shiraz, which was peppery, with hints of chocolate and plumb. As for the bouquet - I have no idea.

MEGALEF
14th December 06, 06:38 AM
Store-bought sauce? Hah!
Real girly-men make their own sauce!

Neildo
14th December 06, 11:29 AM
This thread is made of greasy, cheesy awesome. I'd love to do this sometime.

As it is however, I can probably get a pizza for less than the cost of it's individual ingredients.
I know a place that makes the best pizzas in town, take out for $12. Fuck all that work yo.


Here's a question - what's the wierdest pizza you've ever had?

In Vancouver we have lots of buck-a-slice pizza joints, most of them are terrible. I was just talking about this with someone last night, some people have no business making pizza.

Weirdest pizza i ever saw was in this scuzzy hole-in-the-wall place in the ghetto.

Processed cheese slices with bits of hot dog for $0.50 a slice.

PUKE.

Doritosaurus Chex
14th December 06, 08:45 PM
Maybe I'm just uncultured, but the weirdest I've had was a pizza with potatoes, onions, cheese, and Alfredo cream.

It's fantastic when you're drunk.

polishillusion
14th December 06, 08:55 PM
Maybe I'm just uncultured, but the weirdest I've had was a pizza with potatoes, onions, cheese, and Alfredo cream.

It's fantastic when you're drunk.

"Uncultured?" LOL if you can base your level of sophistication on what pizza you eat, you have got the majority of NYC beat. Best pizza in the world, made magically by some of the stupidest and most disgusting people you will ever meet, but its magical. NYC FTW

Steve
14th December 06, 09:21 PM
I regularly put plain yellow mustard on my pizza.

<3 it!

ThaiBoxerShorts
14th December 06, 09:33 PM
Anybody ever had authentic Italian-style pizza? It's surprisingly unlike the Americanized stuff we all know and love. There's a place near me that serves it. They have a certification from the Official Sicilian Pizza Council or something.

It's pretty good, definitely worth trying, but if you go in jonesing for American style pizza, you'll probably be disappointed.

Steve
14th December 06, 09:44 PM
Anybody ever get their pizza shipped to them from New York?

http://www.flyingpizzas.com/

My ex roommate did once but ate it with some of his friends before I got home. :(

polishillusion
14th December 06, 10:49 PM
I regularly put plain yellow mustard on my pizza.

<3 it!


you sick son of a bitch

polishillusion
14th December 06, 10:52 PM
It's pretty good, definitely worth trying, but if you go in jonesing for American style pizza, you'll probably be disappointed.


The only thing that satisfies my hunger is 2 slices from the dirtiest guido infested pizza parlor in the city. Extra Garlic, Parmeasan, and a diet coke. Garlic knots if i want, too.

Im going to eat right now, fuck homework.

Steve
14th December 06, 10:55 PM
you sick son of a bitch

Don't knock it 'till you try it...

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:10 AM
I would tell you how to make my famous mustard and cracked peppercorn sauce that I use on steak that has either been in the freezer longer than it should have been, or just isn't the best cut.

Unfortunately, I'm not really sure. I know it involves:

Whisky/Vodka/Brandy/white wine/whatever it's just there to give me a reducing medium

Fresh Peppercorns

Beer

Your favorite high quality mustard of choice. Seriously, don't use crappy mustard

Maybe some bleu cheese

Maybe some diced onions, garlic, whatever. Just depends on the other ingredients.

Anyway, the important part is to chop up and dump your fresh veggies into a cold pan, then sweat or carmelize them, depending on what you want. If you didn't put any fresh tubers in, then screw this step. You should probably have used some olive oil or something here.

Next, pour in your booze. I usually use some kind of darker beer (think stout or porter) along with some hard liquor for volume. Maybe cream, if you're bored. Pour in some mustard. I repeat: use the good shit. Crack some peppercorns over the pan, and put some whole ones in, just for variety. Bring that sumbitch up to a simmer. Reduce down until at a consistency you like. Taste. Fix any minor flavoring errors with whatever you want. If you don't like the consistency, you can add mayo or cream with little taste penalty.

Hopefully, you were grilling your steak while you did this. Otherwise, you're a faggot. Make sure your steak is less done than you want it. Spread your mustardy sauce over the top of your steak, and set it and some garlic bread (drizzle olive oil on top of some old bread. rub a garlic clove on it. it's not that hard, pussy) under a hot broiler (or use a torch, quit being picky). You did read my mind and warm up the broiler, right?

Anyway, after it comes out nice and piping hot, I suggest sprinkling some of the bleu cheese you bought earlier today for some kind of faggoty cracker dip on top of it, but it's fine the way it is if you're worried about the flavors not working or overpowering the sweet beefy beauty.

Pan fry some potatoes and then pour the leftovers of your sauce in there for added bonus flavoring. Enjoy or you're not a real man.

As you can tell, I'm usually drunk when I do this, and I sort of just play around with it based on my mood. Regardless, I almost always use some kind of nice bitter spicy mustard and fresh peppercorns.

Oh, yeah. If you really have good mustard and good peppercorns, skip all this silly shit I just posted. Instead, mix the mustard with some whole and some cracked peppercorns and MAYBE a little olive oil. Spread onto your steak, put under a broiler, and enjoy.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:18 AM
In all seriousness, I've always considered good cooking to be creative use of whatever you have on hand to make something tasty, but I guess you can follow some sort of stupid recipe if you want.

Steve
15th December 06, 12:23 AM
I agree. Thanks for the recipe tho, GB.

I can totally appreciate using good mustard for cooking, I just like the plain stuff if I'm eating an ordered pizza or store bought.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:27 AM
I'm thinking of adding wasabi root to my list of experimental ingredients the next time I get a chance. The burning sensation brought about by it is so beautiful, and so unlike any other spicy food.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:28 AM
I agree. Thanks for the recipe tho, GB.

I can totally appreciate using good mustard for cooking, I just like the plain stuff if I'm eating an ordered pizza or store bought.Whatever dude. Any use of mustard is good in my book. It's an underrated condiment.

Steve
15th December 06, 12:37 AM
I'm thinking of adding wasabi root to my list of experimental ingredients the next time I get a chance. The burning sensation brought about by it is so beautiful, and so unlike any other spicy food.

I dunno, the sensation of eating wasabi is very similar to Chinese mustard.

Of course, now were back to mustard again...

Question!
15th December 06, 12:37 AM
Reading this thread makes me wish I knew how to cook...... or had access to a kitchen.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:42 AM
Just read as much as you can about it. Watch what good cooks do (ie tenderize your chicken, keep it simple for the most part, don't overcook your fucking meat, learn how to tell when your meat is done, etc), and then just try shit out.

As soon as you realize that if you set up your kitchen properly, it takes about 15 minutes of fucking around to make something restaurant quality, you'll be one happy camper.

If you don't have access to a kitchen, just set some wood on fire outside. Same fucking thing.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:45 AM
I dunno, the sensation of eating wasabi is very similar to Chinese mustard.

Of course, now were back to mustard again...I always thought Chinese mustard had wasabi or a similar root in it.

Oh. Horseradish sauce. Boneless pork chops. Good bread. Delicious sandwhiches. Thank me later.

Steve
15th December 06, 12:56 AM
I always thought Chinese mustard had wasabi or a similar root in it.

Oh. Horseradish sauce. Boneless pork chops. Good bread. Delicious sandwhiches. Thank me later.

Wasabi is part of the cabbage family (believe it or not), Chinese mustard is part of the (shock) mustard family.

It's still interesting that they both make a person's nose screw all up the same when eating them.

Cassius
15th December 06, 12:59 AM
Wasabi is part of the cabbage family (believe it or not), Chinese mustard is part of the (shock) mustard family.

It's still interesting that they both make a person's nose screw all up the same when eating them.Interesting factoid. I wonder if they contain similar chemicals?

Olorin
15th December 06, 01:05 AM
You have purdy hands.

Don’t I know it! I should be a hand model.


As an aside, I would suggest a little bit of garlic on the edges for a little flavor to the crust.

Garlic salt, powder, or pressed? My crust if boring right now, it needs some spicing up…


I regularly put plain yellow mustard on my pizza.

My sister is an ex-patriot living in Europe and she does the whole French fries and mayonnaise thing…

I checked out the site you posted, 20 dollars for a pizza is pretty stiff but it might be worth trying sometime.

Steve
15th December 06, 01:05 AM
Interesting factoid. I wonder if they contain similar chemicals?

Very much so:


Mustard greens (also known as green mustard cabbage), the leaves of the Indian mustard plant (Brassica juncea), are one of the greens considered to be an essential element in soul food. They are more pungent than the closely-related Brassica oleracea greens (kale, cabbage, collard greens, et cetera).

Cassius
15th December 06, 01:09 AM
Man, I so just looked the same article up. I could have been the one to sound smart in this thread . . .

Steve
15th December 06, 01:15 AM
Well let's agree to us both sounding stupid then.

Cassius
15th December 06, 01:18 AM
I also just found out that mustard with steak is patently French, which makes me want to jump off a cliff. I didn't gripe when I found out that they owned Jameson. I said my goodbyes to Stoli last week when I discovered the same about it.

BUT GODDAMMIT, THIS WAS MY IDEA!

Steve
15th December 06, 01:40 AM
Dude, just storm all over that and reclaim it for your own!

I will never give up eating steak without mustard.

Unless there is horseradish (you've already mentioned the merits of it before, thank you) available, then I'm a happy camper regardless.

Cassius
15th December 06, 07:45 AM
You know I could, too. One American trooper on their soil and they'd curl up into little balls of vagina. AND THEN THE STEAK AND MUSTARD WOULD BE ALL MINE! ALL MINES!!

Shawarma
15th December 06, 10:56 AM
Mustard steak with little balls of vagina on the side....Mmmmm.

Zendetta
16th December 06, 04:06 AM
I'll post my red curry chicken soon enough. In the meantime, chew on this mediterranean taste sensation. Its super easy, can be made with stuff you already have, and will bring a touch of effortless class to your late-night debauches, or brunches with Aunt Gladys.


Eggs ala D (named after my roommate)

You'll need:
polenta
cheese
fresh herb(s)
eggs

Get a 'log' or 'tube' of precooked organic polenta at the sto'. Or have your Italian grandma slave away all day in the kitchen. Whateva. THe rest (cheese, fresh herbs, and good eggs) you should already have in your well stocked playboy bachelor's pad.


Get drunk and wait until the middle of the night. THen...

Slice polenta into 1/2 inch thick slices and bake for about 20 minutes. Greased pan, maybe move 'em a little so they don't stick. THen broil the slices ('medallions' if you're in a swanky mood) for a minute until they are a little bit browned and crispy.

During those agonizing 20 minutes, you and your company should smoke another joint and begin drinking water - tomorrow's gonna hurt.

Fry some eggs over easy. I get good eggs -organic, and almost as tasty as the eggs from my Paw's chickens.

Take polenta slices out and top each one with some grated cheese, one egg-over-easy, and garnish with fresh herbs. I prefer the oregano I have growing out on the deck.

Round that out with some sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, and maybe some tabasco. Yea, definitley some tabasco.

Eat it. Pretty fucking good, huh? Now make your drunken friends clean the dishes before The Itis sets in and they pass out. Smoke another joint to aid digestion, and hit the hay. Sweet talk your girl into doing that thing she does and crash the fuck out.


La Dolce Vida!

Kiko
16th December 06, 04:34 PM
Mustard steak with little balls of vagina on the side....Mmmmm.

I don't think mustard belongs anywhere near any form of vagina. But feel free to put it on balls if you must!

Kiko
18th December 06, 08:32 AM
http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/mud-crap-pizza.jpg

Shawarma
18th December 06, 09:38 AM
You must spread around and so on.

Stick
18th December 06, 01:38 PM
Sweetlove Pizza.... Mud Crap Pizza.... Whtie Pumpkin

Fcking Koreans, ruining everything!

WarPhalange
18th December 06, 04:02 PM
At least they don't have Dog Pizza on there.

Steve
19th December 06, 12:35 AM
That's only 'Menu I'...