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MEGA JESUS-SAMA
5th November 06, 05:49 PM
The slurpee is a mysterious and arcane drink, some say originally crafted by the High Elf apothecaries of Solmerseth Isle. Little is known of their true nature, but many faction, both good and evil, have recognize the power it has over man, elf, and beast alike.

History of the Slurpee

The Slurpee was invented in 1851, by Samuel F. Slater, a former miner who had come out to California to make his fortune in gold, but had instead been brutally raped by claim jumpers.


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v668/NarcissisticMisogynist/Great_train_robbery_still.jpg

In the depths of despair and near to commiting suicide, Slater found himself locked in a cabin in the middle of the winter. So desperate for nourishment was he that, when we accidently knocked his syrup, strawberry flavoring, and spoon-straw-thingy into the snow, he happily dug in.

No one is quite sure what the first Slurpee taste was like, or what deep secrets of the universe were revealed to Slater, but one thing is for certain - thousands of years of human civilization had come to fruition and mankind entered a new age, called by historians and also some futurians as the "Slurpee Age". Suddenly, it seemed like anything was possible, and indeed, three years later Slater was so wealthy that he was able to buy epic armor for his Undead Warlock.

How to properly fill a Slurpee cup

You will need:
A gas station with a slurpee machine
A cup
About $2, depending on what size cup your purchase.

Earlier today when I went to get a Slurpee, there were two people at the machine, and they were perfect opposites. One was clearly a civilized and educated man. In fact he was standing several feet behind the machine reading Cicero's De Legebus and manipulating his Slurpee with his superior cognitive functions. The other was apparently retarded, and spent must of his time banging the soda machine when it did not produce delicious Slurpee liquid.

So what was the difference in their methods? The first man had put the cap on his cup before he started to fill it up, while the second was trying to fill it up without the cap. Always put the cap on first, otherwise you have to either sacrifice space in your cup that could have been used for a tasty frozen treat, or overfill it and look like a dumbass when you try to put the cap on and just make a mess.

Oh neat, additives and edible straws for my Slurpee!

No! Slurpees are a delicacy, with flavorful subtleties that will only be destroyed by adding other, conflicting tastes.

However, feel free to jazz your Slurpee up with colorful spoony-straw things. I like purple ones.

FAQ

Q: Why do stoners always hang out and watch the mixers spin?
A: Actually, they are not stoners. You see, when a person goes too long without a Slurpee, they go into a state of deprivation, and their mental capacity is reduced to a zombie-like state. Examples of people who are regularly deprived of the important nutrient called Slurptose include Keanu Reeves and Samurai Steve. Next time, watch the person idly staring at the machine. Eventually, when they finally figure out to get a Slurpee from it, they will return to a normal state.

Q: My friend/spouse/etc. does not like Slurpees. What does this mean?
A: Simple! A Slurpee is delicious. All living things like delicious treats. Therefore, things that do not like delicious treats are not alive. You need to stop hanging out with imaginary friends,

Q: I live in a third-world nation that doesn't have Slurpees. What can I do?
A: Submit for annexation by America.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
5th November 06, 05:50 PM
Do you have a burning question for the Slurpee FAQ? Submit them to me by PM, with the subject "Slurpees are Awesome".

Phrost
5th November 06, 07:24 PM
I fucking love slurpees. Was so pissed when they killed the Diet Pepsi flavor.

ICY
5th November 06, 07:47 PM
Diet Pepsi, Phrost? What's with that pussy shit? Can't handle that 150g of sugar per cup?

Iscariot
5th November 06, 07:59 PM
What are these things called here in the Free World then?

MJS gets kudos for using a still from a groundbreaking film.

Phrost
5th November 06, 08:00 PM
31 years old, sedentary job. Sugar is my enemy.

Mr. Jones
5th November 06, 08:33 PM
MegaJesusSan why are all the slurpee machines at 7'll watery. When I went to quicktrip that was the first time I had a solid slurpee in years.

downinit
5th November 06, 08:45 PM
Slurpees are great, but who the hell wants one in November? That was rhetorical, but you can answer it anyways.

ICY
5th November 06, 09:09 PM
31 years old, sedentary job. Sugar is my enemy.

I know, that's why I'm glad I have a superior metabolism :D

WarPhalange
5th November 06, 09:29 PM
Slurpees are great, but who the hell wants one in November? That was rhetorical, but you can answer it anyways.

Me.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
5th November 06, 10:23 PM
Slurpees are great, but who the hell wants one in November? That was rhetorical, but you can answer it anyways.

I live in Southern California. It was like 80 degrees today.

Mr. Jones
5th November 06, 10:50 PM
I had a slurpee two days a go on November 3rd.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
5th November 06, 10:50 PM
no one cares about your life because it's boring

Steve
5th November 06, 11:30 PM
This thread wins:

http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i141/forstevee/slurpee.jpg

Because it's about teh awesomeness of slurpees.

But we must also be wary of over consumption of this glorious delight.

Behold, the horror that is July 11th, or 7-11... Free Slurpee Day.

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It just turned those poor kids into animals...

Note: I don't mean poor as in "yay, it's free slurpee day! I can finally try one!" I mean poor as in unfortunate. Just to be clear.

WarPhalange
5th November 06, 11:33 PM
MJS, you already used that avatar.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
6th November 06, 12:19 AM
you're damn right i did

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
6th November 06, 02:16 AM
you're damn right i did

5tHmJwM6bc0

Sirc
6th November 06, 04:06 AM
Gitaroo Man = Win.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
6th November 06, 04:07 AM
it was until i learned that you like it

ICY
6th November 06, 04:33 AM
I cannot find words to express my hatred and disgust toward that video and any game that would involve said faggotry.

WarPhalange
6th November 06, 09:46 AM
Wait, he has a bad ass flying V guitar, but plays it as if it were a classical guitar? What a retard.

Sirc
6th November 06, 12:52 PM
xsQeTgxqZ5I

WarPhalange
6th November 06, 05:31 PM
I think I'll stick to real guitar.

Sirc
6th November 06, 09:22 PM
I think I'll stick to real guitar.

Fag.

WarPhalange
6th November 06, 09:24 PM
Do you know of any better fallic symbol? Maybe bass guitar, but I am learning both.

Steve
6th November 06, 10:15 PM
Do you know of any better fallic symbol? Maybe bass guitar, but I am learning both.

http://www.eyb-guitars.de/images/fotos/custom%20edition/doppel/doppelR.jpg?

Sirc
6th November 06, 10:31 PM
Do you know of any better fallic symbol? Maybe bass guitar, but I am learning both.

I'm just calling you a fag because you're probably better at the guitar than I am. In fact I'm practicing right now.

Steve
6th November 06, 10:35 PM
I think you're supposed to practice making music with your guitar, not typing...

WarPhalange
6th November 06, 10:40 PM
I'm just calling you a fag because you're probably better at the guitar than I am. In fact I'm practicing right now.
Doubt it.

EDIT: On both counts.

Xioxou
8th November 06, 03:31 AM
The game is pretty awful. Those are actually the more bearable songs. They get pretty earwrenching. Especially the first three.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
8th November 06, 04:22 AM
why do you have so much gay sex?

ICY
8th November 06, 07:31 AM
Because it's far, far less gay than playing that game.

Robot Jesus
7th August 10, 01:16 PM
just reminding everyone of a time when MJS was funny

Adouglasmhor
7th August 10, 01:25 PM
Do you have a burning question for the Slurpee FAQ? Submit them to me by PM, with the subject "Slurpees are Awesome".

Why did you spell FAG with a Q?

Adouglasmhor
7th August 10, 01:31 PM
What are these things called here in the Free World then?

MJS gets kudos for using a still from a groundbreaking film.

Slurpees , Slush Puppies and best of all Ice Junkies.

Or granita is the real name not a brand name.

Kiko
7th August 10, 01:44 PM
http://chzoddlyspecific.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129158281070783623.jpg