View Full Version : Christian Analysis of American Culture AKA The CAP Reports.

23rd October 06, 10:36 PM
http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i141/forstevee/whogetsthehousedata.gifThis thread is about the super conservative reviews that the CAP (ChildCare Action Project) makes on around 1000 of the latest movies put out in America.

Each movie is judged on the "WISDOM" system, which stands for:

* Wanton Violence/Crime
* Impudence/Hate
* Sex/Homosexuality
* Drugs/Alcohol
* Offense to God
* Murder/Suicide

Who Gets The House, as an example, scored 100 on the 'Wisdom' scale.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W): None noted, Impudence/Hate (I): None noted, Sex/Homosexuality (S): None noted, Drugs/Alcohol (D): None noted, Offense to God (O): None noted, Murder/Suicide (M): None noted.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, American Psycho scored a zero.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
# butcher knife as solo object in lead-in
# threats to kill, one with perversion
# expression of killing being a drug with addictive properties
# cover-up maneuvers
# human head in refrigerator
# toying with knives while talking to date
# holding nailgun to date's head, threatening murder
# two bloody bodies hanging in closet
# yanking sheets off exposing bloody face (cannibalism)
# chasing prostitute (while chaser is nude) with a chain saw
# confession of murders to lawyer
# notepad drawings of extreme bizarre imagery: perversion, vulgarity, murder, blood, nudity, rape, dismemberment, cannibalism, more

Impudence/Hate (I):http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i141/forstevee/americanpsychodata.gif
# 27 uses of the most foul of the foul words
# 20 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
# punk dress
# orders to lie
# sexual obsession over business cards
# sitting studiously over victim's body after murder
# laughing and crying at the same time with screaming in a mad frenzy, repeatedly

Sex/Homosexuality (S):
# many scenes of full rear male nudity
# long sequence of adult male in briefs only plus additional scenes of adults in underwear
# talk of sexually immoral behavior
# porno pictures
# intercourse with nudity in a porno video, repeating
# homosexual presence
# most vulgar sexual comments
# nudity in bathtub
# order to strip clothes
# adults in underwear doing vulgar dance
# ordering perversion between two prostitutes
# group intercourse with nudity
# homosexual approach
# plaque of nudity
# buying prostitutes
# inappropriate touching
# intercourse between two with nudity
# adult male in shower

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# booze
# drinking
# drunkenness
# talk of illegal drug practice
# smoking
# illegal drug consumption
# talk of drug dependence
# abuse of prescription drugs

Offense to God (O):
# two uses of God's name in vain with the four letter expletive and 19 without
# two abbreviations of "Christmas" without "Christ"

Murder/Suicide (M):
# knife murder
# axe murder - multiple strikes w/ much blood splatter
# intercourse/cannibalism murder
# murder with a chainsaw as a spear
# several gunfire murders
# murder of four police officers by gunfire, explosion and fire

Again, these films are just the ends of the spectrum, many movies fall in between. The best part is clicking on each movie to get a break down of how they are scored. I have to admit, it can be pretty funny!

So, pick a film and see how it stacks up to the WISDOM scale and if you like, give a counter review! Lot's to choose from...

The CAP List (http://capalert.com/capreports/)
Who Gets The House. (http://capalert.com/capreports/whogetsthehouse.htm)
American Psycho (http://capalert.com/capreports/americanpsycho.htm)

Note: When checking your films, look to the right to get the WISDOM breakdown.

23rd October 06, 10:40 PM
This thread...

...it's beautiful.

Not commenting on the subject or anything; it's just perfectly formatted.

23rd October 06, 10:44 PM
homosexual approach, homosexual presence

...WTF? What is that supposed to mean?

23rd October 06, 10:48 PM
Exactly! WTF is it supposed to mean???

You should check the Harry Potter films...

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
# action violence, repeatedly, frequent, varying intensities
# attack by demon-like beings resulting to total destruction of a large camp
# magic as firing weapons, repeatedly
# gambling
# animal attacks to kill, repeatedly, some graphic
# injuries with blood
# three erect floating bodies anchored underwater
# trident threat to neck
# more underwater peril
# dead body
# plant attack of a girl
# plants attacking to kill, repeatedly
# self amputation of hand to provide flesh for spell to resurrect/conjure
# stabbing/slicing a child to get blood for spell
# sight of murder victim
# extensive duel with magic
# grotesque imagery of transfiguration
# threat to kill a child, repeatedly

Impudence/Hate (I)
# seven uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
# blaming youth for unseen mischief
# physically accosting of a student to get his attention with thinly veiled threat
# social cruelty with name-calling
# unnecessary roughness by an instructor, repeatedly
# cheating, repeatedly

Sexual Immorality (S)
# camera angle to force viewer on private parts (clothed)
# insult with anatomical reference
# inappropriate touch
# male adolescent bathing
# female character watching with glee the male bathe
# female character snuggling with the bathing male character

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# reference to drinking of whiskey
# consuming from a pocket flask, repeatedly
# forcing a character to drink a substance to change him

Offense to God (O)
# images of the dead, repeatedly
# communicating with evil/demons
# talking snake (the last talking snake was Satan beguiling Eve)
# death by magic, repeatedly
# transporting by magic, multiple
# wizards/sorcerers levitating/flying, repeatedly, frequently
# "Snoopy doghouse" exaggeration of perspective by magic
# "I love magic"
# disturbing images of death, repeatedly
# impossible events such as a frigate surfacing from under water
# portrayal of the use of magic to change, control, write, become invisible, transfigure, create, miniaturize, pass through, grow, foresee, heal, cause pain and more, repeatedly, frequently
# magic to kill
# stained glass window character crying
# moving still photos/paintings
# speaking face in fire coals
# Christmas without Jesus
# plants alive, repeatedly
# evil incantation
# demon shape-shifting
# spirits floating about
# unholy battle as if between the angel Michael and Satan
# spiritism
# demon possession, repeatedly
# long sequence of doing battle with evil

Murder/Suicide (M)
# murder by magic

24th October 06, 12:35 AM
Sexual Immorality (S)
# camera angle to force viewer on private parts (clothed)

Damn I missed that.....

These websites and reviews are a sure source of amusement.

24th October 06, 07:38 AM
I wonder what these assholes would say if the Song of Solomon was made into a movie.

24th October 06, 07:40 AM
Or the story of Lot. Copious infidel buttsecks, rape and drunken incest.

24th October 06, 09:42 AM
"Most foul of the foul words", good grief.

And, not that it was a great movie or anything, but look at what they list as images of "hate" and "impudence" for Jersey Girl.

Impudence/Hate (I)

50 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary, some before a child
one use of the most foul of the foul words
marital argument
equating sexploitation in music with artistic expression
detailed portrayal of childbirth
neglect of infant, placing work ahead of infant
son using father to care for son's infant child, repeatedly
father calling son foul names, repeatedly
public school invading home by having children write about their families
wishing for death
child knowing about *Dirty Dancing*
Child: "Those [children's] movies ----!" Father: "Watch your language."
lies to cover immoral behaviors
adolescent daughter opening shower curtain knowing her father was in it
child extorting father to get access to R-rated movies and to do a school play with an adult theme
adult woman encouraging a child not hers to take inappropriate movie
anatomical reference before a child
child arrogance at father, repeatedly
"I hate you. ... I HATE you." at father
cursing at daughter
father yelling at daughter
portrayal of child on same level as father
masked foul word by a child
lie by a child

And I love that they just quote lines for the dirty sexuality listing.

Sexual Immorality (S)

"I don't want no whores in my house." father to son
adolescents exposing themselves to each other then daughter to father: "Do you have what Brian has? ... Is yours as big as his?"
renting pornography, repeatedly
child lifting dress when rising from commode
long discussion about renting adult/porn videos and why
"An interesting porn movie can be healthy as long as it is not habitual."
"You're renting [porn] to masturbate to it, right?"
"If it makes you feel any better I do it like twice a day."
"I just have a healthy sexual appetite." ... "Why don't you just go out and get you a boyfriend?" ... "Why don't YOU just go out and get you a girlfriend?" as if sex outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is morally acceptable
"So, you'd rather hang out with your kid than get [immoral sex]?"
"When was the last time you had sex?" ... "Seven years. It's okay. It's fine" ... "NO, it's NOT. Not at all."
lie to child about parent's sexual behaviors(what, they want the truth?)
arguing with a man that he needs to go out and [have immoral sex]
"Where are we going?" ... "To your place. We're gonna have sex."
"Probably some really short sex with you being a little out of practice."
"Let's look at this logically. You rent porn and touch yourself right."
"Come on, stud. No man can live on porn alone."
frenzied make out
co-stripping to underwear
adults in underwear
young girl setting on commode while father and prostitute hide in shower (when the fuck did she ask for payment?)
"I [had immoral sex with] a broad in my parents' bed once. It was nice."
discussion of sexually immoral activities between four men
"Just as long as you didn't do it in my bed." grandpa to son
"I was just going to give you a mercy jump. The moment passed. It;s no big deal."
anatomical reference
intimate infant nudity, repeatedly (the hell?)

Sun Wukong
24th October 06, 06:28 PM
I wonder what these assholes would say if the Song of Solomon was made into a movie.

Crap, they could just apply this little rating scale to the bible itself. Fucking hippocrits.

Dagon Akujin
24th October 06, 10:13 PM
I just love CAP. It's one of those, "What the fuck are the dipshits in my church or the ass-bats who voted for Bush thinking?"

Even "The Passion of the Christ" only got a 69:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
kicking our near-dead Lord

Impudence/Hate (I)
mockery of our Lord, repeatedly

Drugs/Alcohol (D)
drinking wine, repeatedly

Offense to God (O)
attempts of Satan to tempt and control our Lord and events that would impede Him

Murder/Suicide (M)
murder of our Lord

Oh noes! The Bible is bad for [email protected]!


24th October 06, 10:59 PM
And they rated it '69'!!

Har har har! *slaps knee*

24th October 06, 11:21 PM
Funny how Dogma had to be reviewed twice.

Dogma - Analysis of a Partial Viewing (http://capalert.com/capreports/dogma.htm). Scored a 25.

Dogma (R) -- 38 minutes of useless celluloid.

It seems I am spending too much time explaining the CAP ministry to the adversarial readers who won't take the time to read. This will be the last time. Yes, I left after 38 minutes, and that does not cheapen the findings. What we report on is inarguably present in the portion we saw. And the numbers are truly representative of the findings. The portion I saw properly earned the scores shown. The CAP analysis model is as mathematically accurate for a portion of a movie as it is for the entire movie. Who cares about the rest of the movie if the first or any other portion is filth? Also, the CAP Entertainment Media Analysis Model is completely objective. We make no scoring allowances for Hollywood's trumped-up "messages" to excuse, or manufacturing of justification for aberrant behavior or imagery.

There's more to the above but I'm skipping down to the WISDOM rating.

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
# 3 street punks beating an old man
# 3 street punks threatening a woman
# 3 street punks beating a woman

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):
# 52 uses of the most foul of the foul words
# 80 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
# facial piercing

Sex/Homosexuality (S):
# homosexual suggestions
# at least 21 heterosexual comments, innuendo, and references: most of them quite vulgar
# excessive exposure of female posterior
# adult in underwear
# vulgar exposure to male form to show absence of genitalia
# requests for sexual performance
# invitations to sexual favor
# gaping mouth and licking kissing
# adultery
# full rear male nudity (of an actor portraying an angel)

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# booze
# drinking (by an actor portraying an angel)

Offense to God (O)(2):
# mockery of Jesus and the crucifix
# flippant Jesus statue
# encouragement of licentious disregard for righteous behavior based on Biblical admonitions
# calling good evil and evil good
# blaming humankind for the "failure" of the Scriptures, implying the Scriptures are imperfect
# long dialogues of cheapening of the Scriptures
# "I think God is dead"
# Portrayal of Satanic manifestation (forehard horns sprouting on a man)
# portrayal of an angel as cheap and vulgar
# dark humor based on the Scriptures
# encouragement of thoughts of humans being able to manipulate the will of God
# "To Hell with Him"
# a suggestion that sins change due to our "maturity" as a people

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):
# graphic murder with a hockey stick of a woman
# gunfire murder (of an adulterer by an "angel")

And then the full review (http://capalert.com/capreports/dogmafull.htm) (new score of 6, not 0!):

DOGMA (R). Previously we did an analysis of a partial viewing. This is the analysis of a full viewing -- to make a point.

# "You went to Heaven?" ... "Yer --- right I went to Heaven. That's the least He could do. Y'know, in the three years I followed His --- around Jerusalem, did I ever get [sex]? N-o-o-o!" "; "You knew Christ?" ... "Knew Him!? --- --- owes me $12.00!""
# [Bethany] "I hate Him."
# [Bethany] "To Hell with Him."
# [Rufus] "Folks who build faith on that message (the Gospel) are color-blind" with emphasis on "that", as if there is more than one Truth in the Gospel's message of Salvation.

These things and many more like things were said about He who spent three days in Hell for you and I so we won't have to spend one moment there. And that is supposed to be "entertainment?"

Above are but a few of the things I missed by previously doing an analysis only of the first 38 minutes of the 120-minute Dogma. This full viewing analysis of Dogma is to honor the often less than polite requests (spelled d-e-m-a-n-d-s) of the many, many antagonistic emailers arguing that analysis of a partial viewing is inaccurate and unfair who, of course, know everything there is to know about the CAP analysis model without ever having used it. [B]This full viewing analysis is also addressed to all you who expected or hoped for me to "cross over" if I watched the whole show; to those who demanded I "give it [Dogma] a chance" using argumentative rationale such as

"...brought me closer to God..."
"...caused me to rethink my faith..."
"...gave the message that God never intended us to have beliefs."
"You caused me to lose my faith. Dogma made me find it again."

and many other matters of being victimized by the seductive powers of all the smooth talk in it. Now that analysis of the full viewing is complete, the sinful human in me keeps whispering "I told you so ... but you wouldn't listen!"

Again, there is more of the above on the site. Now to the new and improved WISDOM rating:

Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
# 3 roller blade punks beating an old man with hockey sticks
# the same attacking/harassing a woman on the street
# fighting to control
# purchase of firearm to kill
# planning mass murder
# sexual threat
# order to kill
# firearm threat to head
# gunfire
# demon of human feces
# hit to face to silence
# threat to neck of woman with a broken bottle
# feeling righteous, justified and excited about attempted murder
# willingness to commit suicide to end troubles
# graphic mass death
# exploding head
# decapitated body
# falling body
# toying with dead bodies
# hit of a woman
# threat to kill a woman with knife to throat
# mayhem
# automatic gunfire to kill
# graphic injury

Impudence/Hate (I)(1):
# 103 uses of the most foul of the foul words
# 92 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
# Catholicism promotion of plenary indulgence
# lie about purpose and other matters
# angels going out for a drink
# pro-choice promotion
# facial piercing
# thinking murder is justifiable
# stories of immorality
# flatulence
# series of "pity me because I'm black"
# "I say we get drunk"

Sex/Homosexuality (S):
# adultery
# promotion of being gay
# homosexual suggestions
# many sexual and vulgar comments
# sexual suggestions
# requests for sexual performance
# sexual conversations, talk, innuendo
# adults in underwear
# vulgar exposure to show absence of genitalia; male and female exhibitionism
# many requests for sex as payment for "good deed"
# sexual offer
# gaping mouth and licking kissing
# repeated full rear male nudity, some from an inferior angle (upward from the feet)
# staring at nudity
# strip dancer
# trying to buy sex
# repeated partial nudity
# repeated views of a vulgar statue
# self touchings
# man getting off commode
# suggestive eye movement

Drugs/Alcohol (D):
# drinking
# smoking
# drunken revelry
# smoking dope repeatedly
# strip bar
# "We need a LOT of drinks."
# drunkenness

Offense to God (O)(2):
# humankind was blamed for the "failure" of the Scriptures, implying the Scriptures are imperfect
# much, much smooth talk to confuse into not believing in God, to cause to question, and to counterfeit His Word
# "...passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone."
# calling Crucifix wholly depressing
# Buddy Christ icon; mockery of Jesus and the crucifix
# cast out "angels" trying to get back into heaven
# "The church said it is so. God must adhere."
# justifying homicide with "God wants it."
# "I think God is dead."
# demons and muse, repeatedly
# demon worship, Satanic manifestation (forehead horns sprouting on a man)
# "We went through five Adams before we figured that one out."
# ethereal transporting
# "Noah was a drunk and look what he accomplished."
# "Back in the old days God was vengeful and hot tempered."
# claims that Loki, the angel of death, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, not God
# "Wisconsin is worse than Hell."
# portrayal that cast out angels can manipulate God
# "To Hell with Him."
# claims that God has a sense of humor, thus lowering Him to human level
# "When --- happened, where was God?"
# implication that we, as a people, have matured and what was sin may not now be sin
# "You knew Christ?" ... "Knew Him! --- --- owes me $12.00!"
# claim of a secret to resurrection, implying that anyone can do it
# portrayal of a 13th apostle
# "You are the one who's gonna help me get some changes made in that book (the Bible) you put so much stock in (to get the 13th apostle added)."
# To the 13th apostle: "You went to Heaven?" The 13th apostle: "Yer --- right I went to Heaven. That's the least He could do. Y'know, in the three years I followed His --- around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? N-o-o-o!"
# "If I were in Heaven, I wouldn't care what the Bible said."
# "Folks who build faith on that message (the Gospel) are color-blind."
# many statements and inferences "God's a woman."
# claim that men wrote the Bible, that it is not God-breathed/inspired, who added their own "perspective" (and to fortify the claim told the viewers that since all the Apostles were men, they changed the "she" into "He."
# "It (the Bible) stinks."
# "It doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith."
# "No denomination has nailed it yet."
# portrayal of an angel chumming with a demon: "You're a true friend."
# "I'm so angry with her (God)."
# "One day, God just stopped listening."
# "For the first time, my eyes are open." to justify evil behavior
# "I ----- hate you. I HATE you." to God.
# man walking on water
# "It's too big." ... "That's what Jesus said." by the 13th apostle
# portrayal that angel is necessary as an intermediary to talk with God
# "God's a skeeball fanatic and disappears from time to time."
# "He (God) has abandoned you."
# portrayal that a demon can dispatch God
# "It's better to have a good idea than a belief."
# portrayal of God walking among man
# portrayal of God healing as a human (NOT as Jesus)
# virgin pregnancy

Murder/Suicide (M)(3):
# graphic murder with a hockey stick
# gunfire murder (not seen but heard)
# episode of multiple gunfire murders
# murder by automatic gunfire
# neck break murder
# four murders, one by impalement, three by drowning
# graphic knife murder

The caveat of this whole debacle.... The warning at the top of the page:

NOTE: If you do not want the plot, ending, or "secrets" of a movie spoiled for you, skip the Summary/Commentary. In any case, be sure to visit the Findings/Scoring section -- it is purely objective and is the heart of the CAP Entertainment Media Analysis Model applied to this movie.

At least they're worried about spoiling the moive for people who haven't seen it...

25th October 06, 04:26 AM
I wonder what these assholes would say if the Song of Solomon was made into a movie.


25th October 06, 08:48 AM
I agree with them on Dogma. Not because I'm a fundamentalist Christian moron (though that last one is arguable). But because I think Dogma is a stupid movie.

26th October 06, 12:38 PM
Exactly! WTF is it supposed to mean???

You should check the Harry Potter films...

What is wrong with the rating system we already have?

26th October 06, 01:22 PM
Well, apparently it doesn't take into account offenses to god. Oh, and it doesn't list everything out in ludicrous detail for anal retentive zealots to pick over so as to avoid that which they fear most.

31st October 06, 11:28 AM
Mediocrity is offensive to G-d.

15th November 06, 02:43 PM
LOL, Bad Santa is there but none of them are game enough to actually review it.

I like how the ant bully gets a lower score than AvP. When even religious fundamentalist groups give your horror flick a good score and consider it less offensive than a childrens movie, you know it's time to change genre. Hell, just stop making movies altogether, please?

23rd November 06, 07:52 PM
how can a movie like dogma cause a person to lose or gain their faith? absurd

24th November 06, 01:44 AM
People are t3h stupid. The main problem with these people is that they mistake their sensitivities for morals and religious values.

28th November 06, 11:22 PM
Everytime I see "Uses God's name in vain" and think, they never said God name in those movies. Then I realized most Christians are retarted and no longer know there own God's name.

Ps. God is not a name, its a title.

Artful Dentures
29th November 06, 12:20 AM
So basicaly only reruns of Davey and Goliath are worth watching


29th November 06, 08:51 AM
Moral Orel FTW!

Veritas et Lux!
Jimmy The Hutt