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View Full Version : Video Game Movies Suck!



Halfrican
26th September 06, 03:29 AM
Right? I mean, these nobody directors that don't even care about video games take some of the best stories and worlds out there, get them licensed and signed to a movie deal, and then proceed to rape the entire video game industy in the ass. The millions of gamers that loved whatever game the movie is about, are repeatedly tricked into paying $10 to watch a two-hour long pile of shit* stink.

I mean seriously, Hollywood, PLEASE STOP THIS. You will turn a much larger profit from creating movies that are actually good, or even just average, then you will when word gets out that you are literally charging people to see a movie that has NOTHING to do with the game except the name.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Look at this assholes* line-up of work, and look at the average ratings of his movies, and then look at the upcoming video game movies! Every one of those movies makes a profit, but they are all terrible, FUCK*! As a gamer I want this shit* to stop, I want Uwe Boll to be castrated, and I want the creators of the god damn video game to have some input in the movie.....OH SNAP, one of those things has come true!

Hideo Kojima, the creator of Metal Gear Solid, one of the greatest video games of all-time, is DIRECTING Metal Gear Solid the movie. Little details are yet known, what is known, is this movie WILL be the first that is true to the game. It will be the first that has an engaging and fun plot. Hell, it may also be the first that is rated as GOOD and watched by people that don't even know that it was a video game. Once the big companies in Hollywood see how much a GOOD video-game movie can gross compared to a waste of film, they might start caring about who they license this shit* out to.

To date, there has not been a single decent video game to movie. Suck my ass* Hollywood.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808372/

*If these words offend you, please do not read them.

CannibalCrowley
26th September 06, 07:31 AM
To date, there has not been a single decent video game to movie. Suck my ass* Hollywood.

What about Mario Brothers?

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
26th September 06, 09:41 AM
the disclaimer wasn't funny

Gosai
26th September 06, 10:07 AM
Funny, with all the random additions of swearing in the opening post, what annoyed me was the use of 'Oh Snap'...for some reason I despise that phrase. And Lindsay Lohan...and Myspace...and 95% of the human race...

Anyway, we don't get good video game movies because directors/executives/whothehellever do not see them as legitimate forms of 'art' or 'media'. I think.

Ridge
26th September 06, 10:53 AM
Resident evil movies were okay, but thats about it for good movies off of games.

Has anyone else sat through the dungeons and dragons movie?
That was by far the worst movie from a game ever.

WarPhalange
26th September 06, 10:59 AM
http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2002/20021218h.gif

Neildo
26th September 06, 11:55 AM
Which ones have I seen.....

Super Mario Brothers - My dad bought this for a dollar, so I watched it again. Man, it sucks!
Tomb Raider - Angelina Jolie is hot. This movie was not.
Tomb Raider 2 - Same as above.
Doom - Needed a cyberdemon.....to blow this motherfucker up. I waited a long time for it too.
Resident Evil - Big fan of the games. Has the Hot chick whos name I can't spell. Movie sucked.

Maybe I've seen others but i can't remember them right now.

WarPhalange
26th September 06, 12:55 PM
Super Mario kicked much ass, actually. Probably the best video game movie I've ever seen.

Gumby
26th September 06, 02:58 PM
Doom was fucking horrible.

All the resident evil movies suck ass (their only saving grace is that they had zombies in them).

I even tried watching Bloodrayne the other day- do you have any idea how much a movie has to suck for me to turn it off when it stars Michelle Rodriguez and Chistina Lokken?

Sun Wukong
26th September 06, 03:01 PM
Oh and let's not forget Video Games based on movies, the evil opposite of movies based on video games. Both are almost always total wastes of money.

Think about all the money you've spent on these things only to find out that they suck. Let's say, $10 each time (averaged expense accounting for games/movies you bought, rented, or saw in the theatre)

Let's say you only enjoyed one out of ten of those. In essence, the total enjoyment that you got from that genre of games/movies cost you $100 bucks and you only liked one of them. Now, this number is just an average. Add up all the time and money you've spent on some of these rotten things and ask yourself if it was worth it just to see one movie that you liked.

Neildo
26th September 06, 03:24 PM
I dunno, I bought the Punisher for $20. (It WAS $60 new, and no way in hell was i paying that much)

It came out after the shitty new movie. I think the actor from that movie does the voice-overs (one thing i'll give credit to the movie for, good casting choice. Tom Jane looked and sounded the part of Frank Castle), and they use the same score I think, but it doesn't have much to do with the movie. It's all punisher though. Oh wait...you fight the big russian guy from the movie, and they changed Jigsaw (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jigsaw_%28Marvel_Comics%29)'s origin so it's John Saint, the son of Howard Saint, john travoltas faggy character from the movie.

But regardless of that, I can make Frank Castle shoot a guy in the face point-blank with a shotgun, so it's all good.

Question!
26th September 06, 06:32 PM
Undoubtedly, the king of all bad video game movies is Uwe "Toilet Bowl" Boll.
I bought a bootleg copy of Alone in the Dark for about $3 and still wish I hadn't. No plot no nothing- it was shit.

In his upcoming movie "In the name of the King: A dungeon siege tale" he somehow managed to secure Jason Statham as the lead.

How the fuck does he do this?!

I thought Jason knew better... hope this doesn't ruin his career.

WarPhalange
26th September 06, 06:38 PM
The Dungeon Siege games sucked.

The title for the movie sucks.

Uwe Boll sucks.

I hope this movie is such a big flop that the people who worked on it and the video games DIE.

Zendetta
26th September 06, 07:44 PM
Y'all know he just KO'd four critics, one after another, right?

Man's boxing seems considerably better than his movies.

Gosai
26th September 06, 08:09 PM
What corralation does Uwe think is present between boxing and defending the quality of his movies?

Halfrican
26th September 06, 08:15 PM
Isn't there somebody from bullshido who is a part-time critic, full-time MMA champion?

Iscariot
26th September 06, 09:46 PM
His challenge was laced with enough conditions to stop such things happening. Pussy.

Steve
27th September 06, 12:30 AM
Oh and let's not forget Video Games based on movies, the evil opposite of movies based on video games. Both are almost always total wastes of money.

Think about all the money you've spent on these things only to find out that they suck. Let's say, $10 each time (averaged expense accounting for games/movies you bought, rented, or saw in the theatre)

Let's say you only enjoyed one out of ten of those. In essence, the total enjoyment that you got from that genre of games/movies cost you $100 bucks and you only liked one of them. Now, this number is just an average. Add up all the time and money you've spent on some of these rotten things and ask yourself if it was worth it just to see one movie that you liked.

No doubt!

Street Fighter, lol, JCVD vs Gomez Adams!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6DNMl6IJus

Now I can get behind this version (and I don't mean Jakie Chan's version of Chung Lee, perverts!).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYweptE-dl0

G-G-G Ghost!
27th September 06, 05:06 AM
I just want to add my voice to the list of people hating the Resident Evil movies. None of the empty, doom-filled atmosphere, the traditional settings (mansion, a mansion-like police station...) rife with secrets and puzzles and a tragic history, none of the spooky music...
Though thankfully there was a slight improvement on the game's ridiculous dialogue and acting

MaverickZ
27th September 06, 08:20 AM
Super Mario kicked much ass, actually. Probably the best video game movie I've ever seen.

how interesting, i thought i was the only person in the world who actually liked that movie.

that and mortal kombat 1 was decent.

Osiris
27th September 06, 08:26 AM
I wouldn't say that SMB was particularly GOOD, but it was definitely an interesting take on the franchise. They put some thought into it, thats for sure.

Cassius
15th October 06, 02:08 AM
I was pleasantly surprised by the first Resident Evil movie. Then again, I had zero expectations for it. Doom was disappointing on multiple levels. Mortal Kombat 1 was actually pretty good.

Umm . . . yeah. Pretty much all video game movies suck.

At least there are a few decent comic book movies that trickle out.

Keith
15th October 06, 06:16 AM
What you wrote:

Right? I mean, these nobody directors that don't even care about video games take some of the best stories and worlds out there, get them licensed and signed to a movie deal, and then proceed to rape the entire video game industy in the ass. The millions of gamers that loved whatever game the movie is about, are repeatedly tricked into paying $10 to watch a two-hour long pile of shit* stink.

I mean seriously, Hollywood, PLEASE STOP THIS. You will turn a much larger profit from creating movies that are actually good, or even just average, then you will when word gets out that you are literally charging people to see a movie that has NOTHING to do with the game except the name.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/

Look at this assholes* line-up of work, and look at the average ratings of his movies, and then look at the upcoming video game movies! Every one of those movies makes a profit, but they are all terrible, FUCK*! As a gamer I want this shit* to stop, I want Uwe Boll to be castrated, and I want the creators of the god damn video game to have some input in the movie.....OH SNAP, one of those things has come true!

Hideo Kojima, the creator of Metal Gear Solid, one of the greatest video games of all-time, is DIRECTING Metal Gear Solid the movie. Little details are yet known, what is known, is this movie WILL be the first that is true to the game. It will be the first that has an engaging and fun plot. Hell, it may also be the first that is rated as GOOD and watched by people that don't even know that it was a video game. Once the big companies in Hollywood see how much a GOOD video-game movie can gross compared to a waste of film, they might start caring about who they license this shit* out to.

To date, there has not been a single decent video game to movie. Suck my ass* Hollywood.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808372/

*If these words offend you, please do not read them.

What Hollywood sees:

Blah blah blah ... Every one of those movies makes a profit... blah blah blah
You loose.
Any questions?

Shawarma
15th October 06, 06:52 AM
How about Silent Hill? I myself found it to be quite boring, with the only highlight being when triangle-face ripped off some lady's skin and tossed it at the church, but some SH fans worship it as being a great tribute to the video games.

I wonder why they haven't made a Legend of Zelda movie yet - Tons of people would watch that, Link is a hugely popular character.

They should make Pong: The Movie. That would rule.

Iscariot
15th October 06, 07:02 AM
How about Silent Hill? I myself found it to be quite boring, with the only highlight being when triangle-face ripped off some lady's skin and tossed it at the church, but some SH fans worship it as being a great tribute to the video games.

What ruined Silent Hill was the whole Sean Bean subplot, that was put in at the last minutes because the producers didn't want a entire film of female leads. They should have not bothered with the subplot and run with what they had, it would have probably worked then.

MEGA JESUS-SAMA
15th October 06, 07:03 AM
What ruined Silent Hill was the whole Sean Bean subplot, that was put in at the last minutes because the producers didn't want a entire film of female leads. They should have not bothered with the subplot and run with what they had, it would have probably worked then.

the problem with the silent hill movie is that you watched it.

fag, FAGGOT

Shawarma
15th October 06, 07:04 AM
Gotta agree with Jesus here, I feel infinitely less manly and testicular after watching that piece of crap.

Diggler McFeely
15th October 06, 10:32 PM
It would've been 1,000x better if the Hill really had been totally Silent. No sound at all.

Chaplin doing Silent Hill would've been awesome in comparison. Instead, it was only mildly amusing.

Iscariot
15th October 06, 10:58 PM
It would've been 1,000x better if the Hill really had been totally Silent. No sound at all.

Chaplin doing Silent Hill would've been awesome in comparison. Instead, it was only mildly amusing.
Max Schrek doing Silent Hill would have ruled more than any empire in history!

Kayne
24th October 06, 09:35 AM
If that movie had been based on Pyramid Head, then it would have been better.


I even tried watching Bloodrayne the other day- do you have any idea how much a movie has to suck for me to turn it off when it stars Michelle Rodriguez and Chistina Lokken?
Please tell me you at least held on until Loken got topless.

AAAhmed46
26th October 06, 04:58 AM
Didn't they make dead or alive as well?

DerAuslander108
26th October 06, 12:17 PM
It hasn't come out yet.


MK1 was decent. I wish Robin Shou had taken off in the West. He's a great stuntman.

Neildo
26th October 06, 01:59 PM
I saw a bunch of Robin Shou movies made in the philippines.

They were terrible. His mullet couldn't even save those films.

AAAhmed46
26th October 06, 02:34 PM
Robin Shou has alot of potential. Too bad for him.

MaverickZ
26th October 06, 02:44 PM
I saw a bunch of Robin Shou movies made in the philippines.

They were terrible. His mullet couldn't even save those films.
That's not a mullet, that's a mane.

AAAhmed46
27th October 06, 08:03 PM
They had BETTER not screw up the Tekken movies.

Steve
27th October 06, 08:24 PM
Please, don't remind me of movies based on fighting video games.

The last time I thought of that was 19 posts ago (4 weeks past).

I liked it that way too...

Shawarma
27th October 06, 08:43 PM
Should make a movie based on Planescape: Torment. Would elevate Vhailor from being merely the most badass video game character to being the most badass media character of all time.