View Full Version : A good speech for George Bush

27th February 03, 05:13 PM
Statement by the President
THE PRESIDENT: Good morning, press dogs. You know, I'm not the sort of guy who spends his evenings stewing in the syringe-and-used-condom-strewn gutter of popular culture. Nope - I much prefer curling up with a quality Christian comic or two, snarfing down a goodnight PB&J, and hitting the sack by 9pm. Then I pray to Big JC for a few minutes to righteously smite my enemies, and believe you me when I say I'm drooling man-sized rivers onto my Texas Rangers pillowcase by 9:15.

But that's just me. Of course I realize that many Americans are drunk on the Satanic, immoral twaddle and atheistically corrupt flapdoodle that pornographically spurts from the great Hollywood septic geyser.

Run mainly by evil, suntanned Jews and snotty faggots crazy with brain AIDS, Hollywood thinks that just because millions of Americans pay to sit slack-jawed and googly-eyed at their slick liberal propaganda, that anybody actually thinks those Ladies of La-La Land are anything other than just a pack of needy drama queers.

Take George Clooney. To this day, my dear mother Babs cries hot tears of disbelief at the very thought of such a traitorous sissy being descended from the same womb that disgorged the velvet-tongued Rosemary Clooney into the world. Obviously, like everyone in Los Angeles nowadays, George Clooney knows a thing or two about spreading virulent strains of syphilis at orgy parties in massive Malibu glass mansions.

Anyway, my people tell me Clooney is hot with the "kids." I wouldn't know. When I stoop to watch movies, I only watch war movies. Clooney was in a war movie called "Three Kings" about my Daddy's Jihad, but it was a total crybaby fruit salad of a war movie. Laura and I fell asleep ten minutes into it.

Now it seems this jackass is talking trash to all those fraidy cat Euro-Nancys about me! Hell, George Clooney is a girlie, milk-skinned professional make-believer and therefore, he knows about as much about foreign policy and international security as me! Which is close to nada, zip, zero!

You know I checked, and technically, to summarily shoot Clooney in the face on treason, he'd have to, like, actually help an enemy we are for real at war with. Of course, my legal boys are hard at work trying to circumvent the whole "technical" part of the treason thing.

Until then, I wish to publicly offer George "I Wear Whore Make-Up For A Living" Clooney a first-class ticket on a Kuwaiti-bound USAF C-17 transport plane, and then we'll be more than happy to helicopter you over the Kuwait-Iraq border, dump you on a camel, slap its ass, and let you ride off and go to the Baghdad Shrapnel Orchestra with your new best pal Osama Hussein.

That's right, Loony Clooney! Maybe there, you and the other like-minded hippy "pacifists" can try and thwart Christ's teachings by humping a few US Daisy Cutters for Uncle Saddam. Hell, if you're lucky, maybe he'll let you attack the withered genitals of some Kurd with a set of Williams Sonoma electric tongs.

This is a standing offer, George. Whenever you want to jump on over to Iraq, just give me a ringy-dingy, you hear? Maybe your America-hating pals Sherryl, Marty, and Babs can go along, too.

Well, that's all I have to say on the matter - EXCEPT THAT SOLARIS SUCKED, TOO!

Thank you. No questions, please.


27th February 03, 05:18 PM
thats funny. my mom loves that website.

27th February 03, 05:49 PM

27th February 03, 11:49 PM
holy shit thats funny!!
my daddys jihad, ahahahaha!!!

"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind"

28th February 03, 06:43 AM
Blatantly a fake. Its been ghostwritten by someone else, as its still coherent.

28th February 03, 11:12 AM
For War:

Bruce Willis - "I'm sick of the anti-war attitude!"

Jean-Claude Van Damme - "Some in Hollywood are part of the axis of ignorance."

Kid Rock - "We gota kill that motherfucker Saddam!"

Against War:

Martin Sheen - "Don't invade Iraq."

Madonna - "I'm not pro-Iraq, I'm pro-peace."

Martin Scorsese - "There must be another way."


Steven Spielberg, Tom Cruise, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Space may be the final frontier,
But it's made in a Hollywood basement.