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View Full Version : Jesus answers PeedeeShaolins prayer: Florida in path of Jeanne and Ivan(again)



PeedeeShaolin
23rd September 04, 12:58 PM
Once again we might have some GREAT TV to watch! I gave Jesus a little prayer a couple of weeks ago:

There I was last night hoping this storm was going to be a real monster. I get tired of hearing about the same old same old dead iraqis, U.S. soldier getting blown up by a roadside bomb, women raped to death in the Sudan.....

So here comes this hurricane and I'm thinking I'll have at LEAST 20 deaths to laugh over by this morning but noooooo, this pussy ass storm comes strolling in and kills only 8 people. That means only 8 people have been prevented from BEGGING for my fucking tax dollars to pay for their grief.

Hey, to all the people in the path of that storm:

You ever heard of a BANK?

Because thats usually where I keep my money for when my car breaks down or when I need home improvements and things like that. You guys get it easy with that little "get-out-of-paying-for-my-own-shit" card you guys carry and show to the federal govt every time something happens.

How many of my tax dollars have you people been able to swindle thus far?

For you people to deserve my money I want rampant destruction and total carnage in those streets. I hope that looters bust out and fuck EVERYTHING up over there. Throwing chairs through windows and stealing shit until every paranoid suburban soccer-mom is cringing in the dark not knowing wtf is going to happen next.

In fact, I just became religious recently and I want to take this opportunity to pray to Jesus, as lord and savior, and ask him to personally send the next hurricane STRAIGHT at you people. Jesus I know you can accomplish anything, I ask you from my heart to send the next hurricane straight into the coast to further terrorize the people who take my money without asking when they should have saved up a few dollars themselves.

Strike fear into the hearts of the thieves oh lord!

PLAUGE upon you ALL HAHAHA!!!

I send TORNADOS into Florida, Carolina, Tennessee and the Virginias! Wipe you fucking miserable people straight off the map so you wont be LEFT to beg me to provide the basic functions that you should have been preparing for all along! One tornado has killed 5 already in Florida, but if you're as great as they say you are Jesus then you can do MUCH worse than that. I'm sure you've seen "Twister" oh lord and thats what I want to see when I turn on CNN.

PRAISE JESUS!

In Jesus' name I pray that Jeanne becomes a MONSTER and RIPS through those states like a fat man at an all you can eat buffet.

Give me GOOD TV Lord! If it bleeds it leads and THATS what I want to see! The more people that get blown into the sky the more cheap land will be availible for me to buy from their grieving relatives with the money I saved by not giving it them.

Lord, I trust in your infinite wisdom and holy judgement that you will reign massive death down upon the people dumb enough to live in a place that gets obliterated by storms. Please develop a couple of more whoppers and play "holy bowling" with the panhandle(and maybe even Texas).

I ask this in Jesus name, amen.

Well it seems that the big J.C. watches over my shoulder a little closer than the money grubbing people in Florida don't he?
http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2004/WEATHER/09/22/tropical.weather.ap/story.storms.thursday.jpg

I cant WAIT to see the DESTRUCTION this storm brings on those already beaten and battered people! My only gripe with the good lord is that he chose to make this storm weak with only 100mph sustained winds. I wanted to see Andrew 2 hit that state and wipe it right off the map. Less people crying for federal aid and more money we can spend on things that matter. We have a war in Iraq and a crumbling education system, the last thing we need to spen money on is people who intentionally move into a fucking cyclone but keep piece of mind by knowing when their insurance company flips them off they can just take MY money without asking to fix their shit.

You people like taking my tax money huh? Well look at you now.....

That fucking storm has already killed more than 1,000 in Haiti so I've got my fingers crossed for a triple number casualty figure in Florida. Take my fucking money and look what happens. Save up your own damn money just like I do. I've never had the government give ME a new front door, hate to tell you.

I'm praying for TORNADOS too!

I want them to spin off and fuck up the neighboring states as PUNISHMENT for Florida's begging and rampant stupidity.

I'll say this again: I'd rather have my tax dollars go towards welfare moms and crack hookers instead of towards re-building a home that should have never been built in a disaster area in the first place.

Now you people know why that land was so cheap don't you!

It takes BRAIN for a welfare mom to swindle money from the government. It takes a survival skill to obtain that money to feed your family and still make sure she always has a fresh pack of smokes and a 6 pack in the fridge as well as cable TV.

It does NOT take brains to build a home in a place that gets DESTROYED by Mother Nature on a regular friggin basis.

At least the welfare mom is UP FRONT and just ASKS for my charity instead of putting up a FACADE and buying a nice home all the while KNOWING that the government will just pick up the tab when things go bad. Thats SNEAKY. Pay for your own shit.

But all this isn't needed, because I've prayed to Jesus, amen, to send you fucking people to hell in a hand basket for stealing my tax money when there are people who actually NEED it and DIDN"T commit the insanely stupid sin of moving into the highly predictable path of a giant storm.

If you move onto the San Andreas fault and then you lose your car because of an earthquake don't come crying to me.

If I move to East Harlem and then get stabbed one night I dont see anyone lining up to pay for my colostomy bag.

In short, I ask Jesus to strengthen this storm until it becomes a MONSTER. I want to see Jeb Bush fleeing for his life and leaving his mistress to die a windy, rain soaked death in some Florida swamp where the alligators will eat the evidence.

Please Jesus, I ask you help on my knees(but not like the Cathoic altar boys), terrorize these fucking people until they realize that the get-out-of-paying-for-my-own-shit card they carry isn't accepted in the kingdon of heaven and the Lord expects all dues to be paid in full.

I further pray that every black voter soon to be barred from voting because of the color of their skin pull a Rodney King and leave Florida SCREAMING for help from the National Guard while angry Africans dance and screech their way through some tribal dance in the darkness outside their homes stealing anything that Jesus and the storm didn't blow away.

http://www.lifeposters.org/images/risen_home.jpg

I cant wait to turn on CNN and see the results of my solemn prayer. Good luck figthing the alligators!

Dochter
23rd September 04, 01:01 PM
This part I actually liked:

"If you move onto the San Andreas fault and then you lose your car because of an earthquake don't come crying to me.

If I move to East Harlem and then get stabbed one night I dont see anyone lining up to pay for my colostomy bag."

PeedeeShaolin
23rd September 04, 01:03 PM
Hey you dont have to like ANY of it. I just want some more good violence on TV. The only reason I'm posting it is because I'm hoping I can find some like minded people and we can COMBINE our prayer power and REALLY get some good TV.

PeedeeShaolin
24th September 04, 04:11 PM
http://us.news1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/rids/20040924/i/r879694930.jpg

Tut tut, it looks like rain......

joen00b
24th September 04, 04:13 PM
Let this be a lesson to the Floridians: Vote Democrat or pay the consequences!

ICY
24th September 04, 04:34 PM
I further pray that every black voter soon to be barred from voting because of the color of their skin pull a Rodney King

Speaking of Rodney King, you did a pretty funny rant about him once, here's my rendition of it (I already know the recording is bad and I'm not funny):

http://www.geocities.com/i_choke_u/rodney/

Rigante
24th September 04, 05:32 PM
My bets are that the people involved with building construction and repair are echoing your prayer.

SRK85
24th September 04, 05:49 PM
Fucking Replublicans stop killing the Floridans to affect this election.

Traditional Tom
24th September 04, 05:49 PM
I think Peedee is starting to sound like Ned (with jesus as his bed buddy)
But sure, bring on the storms to fuck america up, I don't give a damn because I'm in Canada!
I agree with some of what he said, it was an amusing read in any case.

joen00b
24th September 04, 05:52 PM
Out of curiousity, is this White Jesus (tm), the hippy I see in all the movies, or this is this the little mexican baby down the hall in my apartment building. I gotta know, because I've had this prayer about winning the lottery I've been working on, and I want to know who to address it to.

Traditional Tom
24th September 04, 05:55 PM
Send it up here.

PeedeeShaolin
25th September 04, 01:35 PM
I tried that link Choke, but it didnt work.

I've been searching for that post for a while because alot of people ase me about it. I'd post it here if I found it but I wrote it spur of the moment on ADCC and never saved it anywhere. The only place it might be saved is on ADCC and theres no search feature there.

Do you know where I can find it?

ICY
25th September 04, 04:20 PM
Rodney Kings "Makin Millions the Easy Way"

Hello folks! Lots of you may know me from my little incident with the Police not so long ago. Lots of you may have seen me get smacked upside my head a little bit. You all may have your opinions about that, but let me tell you, you dont know the HALF of it! I was just startin' to fly HARD on that Red Devil, Primo PCP homie and then the damn PO-lice has to start with their "Pull over" Shid. Well dammit I had just PAID for that BAG! Im not gonna waste good dust sittin in a jail cell! To tell you the truth, Im not sure how fast I was drivin', but those little kids I drove past was all blurry like. I just thought it was the dust. GOOD SHID too! You ever want some I hook you up. Just let me know. I think the homeboy who sold it to me is out of prison now. I'll give him a call. Maurice been LATE with my shid anywayz.
Now im not here to preach to you all. Im a reformed man. I used to work
like you every day. Getting up in the morning, and all that shid. But I
found a NEW WAY! And let me tell you YOU TOO can be a MILLIONAIRE just
like Rodney! Lets go over the rules now, shall we?

1. Get yourself some GOOD DOPE.
It really dont matter what kind, but if the Policeman is gonna hit you a
few times you may as well be high when he does it, you dig? PLUS you
might not FEEL that **** when he hits you, s you can keep tryin to get
UP! You can always say that the dope messed you up and you didnt know
what you was doin. That will get you the fly bidches later, take it from
Rodney.

2. Get in your automobile. Your gonna want to drive pretty fast. I like
to wait until the dope is REALLY up in me, you know? If you cant get the
policeman's attention you can drive naked, or speed around where theres
some little kids or something. They dont like that shid, trust me. Keep
this up and before you know it we got a Policeman on your azz telling
you to pull over. Which brings me to point number three:

3. Dont pull over for NO MUTHERFUKKER! Who the fuk is HE tellin you to
pull over anywayz? You pay the same taxes as he does! Just because hes
wearing a BADGE you gotta do what he says? I smoked some shid about 15
mintues ago and im starting to feel DAMN good right now, let me tell
you.

At this point the Police are going to start saying they have, what is
known as, a 'Situation'. Thats ok. You just keep drivin at high speeds.
Your puttin these officers LIVES at risk by makin em chase you, and
that's what we WANT! Aint nothin more prone to VIOLENCE than a guy who
was just scared half to DEATH for no good reason. Which brings me to my
next little piece of advice.

4. Stop the vehicle. Your gonna HAVE to stop sooner or later. Your going
to run out of gas, or your high is gonna go away and who wants to drive
like THAT with all them cops chasin your azz? Stop someplace local,
preferably with alot of people watching.
The Policeman is going to be SCREAMING and HOLLERING but fuk him, thats
just his job. YOU the one that got pulled over fukking up your high! Am
I right?
NOW! The most CRUCIAL ELEMENT we must master in order to get PAID.

5. DONT LISTEN TO NO POLICEMAN!! The Policeman tell you to stop? You
decide to go for a little nature walk. The Policeman tells you to get
down? You stick your hands in your pockets. He asks you your name? You
tell him that his Momma is a hooker out on Chambers and 13th street. All
this is going to result in what I like to call "An Abuse of Authority"
by said Policman.
Now HOPEFULLY the dope is still workin its wonderful magic because if
all goes right, your about to catch a good old fasioned azz kickin.
But thats OK! You have WITNESSES!! None of these stupid people know what
you been doing BEFORE this shid! Theyre only going to remember the
Policeman beating your head like he trying to tenderize some meat. It'll
take a few minutes for SOMEBODY to pull out that videocamera that Uncle
Bob bought them for Christmas last year and WHAM!! Your in Business!
The camera is only gonna see you gettin your head beat in! Mike Tyson
got HIS head beat in for a few million, you tellin me you wouldnt do the
same thing? You know how much DOPE you can buy with all that shid??
Folks....I dont want to give away ALL my secrets. To get ALL my valuable
information you can order my new book:
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but my Millions sure do please
me."
I tell you WHAT, I got my OWN camera now! Mounted right to my dash.
There are Policeman all OVER this motherfukker, like a goddamn LOTTO
TICKET on WHEELS. They dont seem to want to pull me over no more tho. I
have to drive a construction vehicle thru a damn Playground before anyone
pull ME over now.
But folks, my loss is YOUR gain! Order my book NOW and be on your way to
makin Million the easy way! All thanks to Rodney!

ICY
25th September 04, 04:21 PM
That link didn't work...then it did work, now it seems not to work, annoying, Raven said something about possibly being able to host it.