Stick
17th August 04, 12:37 AM
I blame all Canadians for this film.
Friend and I saw it on the cheap racks at the local video store and were overwhelmed by the tagline "The power of Christ impales you!" On the ack it babbled something about winning awards at various film festivals... the names were written rather small, so what at first glance appeared to be "Sundance" turned out to be "slamdance" upon closer inspection, damnit.
This little bit of celluloid came out in 2002... judging by the horrible sound quality and the way it appears that the voices were dubbed over, I'm inclined to believe this film was shot in French. Aside from the horrific audio the video quality and camerawork reminds me of that found in a 60's era porno.
Woohoo
Jesus gets a haircut and some piercings early on the film. He fights lesbian vampires that can come out during the daylight and at one point battles an army of athiests comming out of a single jeep as though it were a clown-car of the unbelievers. He then gets help from his side-kick Mary Magnum- who BTW looks quite hot in her little cat suit- and later help from Santos, the Saint of the Ring....... at least that's what the voice of God through the ice-cream bowl at hooters tells Jesus. There's a musical number too, and it makes about as much sense as the rst of this movie.
The fights are just sad. There are some funny bits, but mostly I just couldn't help but laugh at the sheer incompetance of the sunts and choreography. Though it was awesome to see a bald headed, kung-fu suit wearing, staff wielding athiest launch into a lame ass kung-fu form, complete with that stupid kneeling position (you all know it, that crazy one where the legs are crossed and the body is turned), only to have Jesus kick him in the face when KF-athiest dropped into that idiotic stance.
I did love that basically everything wooden was stabbed into the hearts of these vampires regardless of the bluntness or failty of the weapon..... also that more than half of the stakes seemed to be impaling the wrong side of the chest: ridiculous.
My head hurts from all the stupidity.... ugh.
Friend and I saw it on the cheap racks at the local video store and were overwhelmed by the tagline "The power of Christ impales you!" On the ack it babbled something about winning awards at various film festivals... the names were written rather small, so what at first glance appeared to be "Sundance" turned out to be "slamdance" upon closer inspection, damnit.
This little bit of celluloid came out in 2002... judging by the horrible sound quality and the way it appears that the voices were dubbed over, I'm inclined to believe this film was shot in French. Aside from the horrific audio the video quality and camerawork reminds me of that found in a 60's era porno.
Woohoo
Jesus gets a haircut and some piercings early on the film. He fights lesbian vampires that can come out during the daylight and at one point battles an army of athiests comming out of a single jeep as though it were a clown-car of the unbelievers. He then gets help from his side-kick Mary Magnum- who BTW looks quite hot in her little cat suit- and later help from Santos, the Saint of the Ring....... at least that's what the voice of God through the ice-cream bowl at hooters tells Jesus. There's a musical number too, and it makes about as much sense as the rst of this movie.
The fights are just sad. There are some funny bits, but mostly I just couldn't help but laugh at the sheer incompetance of the sunts and choreography. Though it was awesome to see a bald headed, kung-fu suit wearing, staff wielding athiest launch into a lame ass kung-fu form, complete with that stupid kneeling position (you all know it, that crazy one where the legs are crossed and the body is turned), only to have Jesus kick him in the face when KF-athiest dropped into that idiotic stance.
I did love that basically everything wooden was stabbed into the hearts of these vampires regardless of the bluntness or failty of the weapon..... also that more than half of the stakes seemed to be impaling the wrong side of the chest: ridiculous.
My head hurts from all the stupidity.... ugh.