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Stick
17th August 04, 12:37 AM
I blame all Canadians for this film.

Friend and I saw it on the cheap racks at the local video store and were overwhelmed by the tagline "The power of Christ impales you!" On the ack it babbled something about winning awards at various film festivals... the names were written rather small, so what at first glance appeared to be "Sundance" turned out to be "slamdance" upon closer inspection, damnit.

This little bit of celluloid came out in 2002... judging by the horrible sound quality and the way it appears that the voices were dubbed over, I'm inclined to believe this film was shot in French. Aside from the horrific audio the video quality and camerawork reminds me of that found in a 60's era porno.

Woohoo

Jesus gets a haircut and some piercings early on the film. He fights lesbian vampires that can come out during the daylight and at one point battles an army of athiests comming out of a single jeep as though it were a clown-car of the unbelievers. He then gets help from his side-kick Mary Magnum- who BTW looks quite hot in her little cat suit- and later help from Santos, the Saint of the Ring....... at least that's what the voice of God through the ice-cream bowl at hooters tells Jesus. There's a musical number too, and it makes about as much sense as the rst of this movie.

The fights are just sad. There are some funny bits, but mostly I just couldn't help but laugh at the sheer incompetance of the sunts and choreography. Though it was awesome to see a bald headed, kung-fu suit wearing, staff wielding athiest launch into a lame ass kung-fu form, complete with that stupid kneeling position (you all know it, that crazy one where the legs are crossed and the body is turned), only to have Jesus kick him in the face when KF-athiest dropped into that idiotic stance.

I did love that basically everything wooden was stabbed into the hearts of these vampires regardless of the bluntness or failty of the weapon..... also that more than half of the stakes seemed to be impaling the wrong side of the chest: ridiculous.

My head hurts from all the stupidity.... ugh.

DJeter1234
17th August 04, 01:51 AM
you forgot to mention the punk priest and that ALL les lesbians cept Mary were incredibly ugly. And the film festival was in Santa Cruz, you can see how that movie woudl apeal to stoners.

In conclusion "In the new melenium, vampires no longer fear the sun. BUt now they will learn to fear the son .... OF G-D"

ICY
17th August 04, 02:00 AM
lol...that's awesome.

DJeter1234
17th August 04, 02:22 AM
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0311361/, if anyone wants to know more.

Boyd
17th August 04, 02:55 AM
The one thing I could never stomach about Santa Cruz....was all the damn vampires.

DJeter1234
17th August 04, 03:16 AM
odd you should say that...

http://www.metroactive.com/papers/cruz/10.10.96/vampires-9641.html

AND http://www.santacruzvampires.com/events/
moto:"Not all people who ask about our club are deranged teens and pre-teens who hate their lives and want to become undead"

Matsufubu
17th August 04, 04:18 AM
BESS'D FYLME EVOR!

Speaking of unbelievably bad films, has anybody seen the Filipino film 'The Killing of Satan'?

stoogejitsu
17th August 04, 04:19 AM
yeah I posted a clip from this movie before, but here it is again in all its heavenly glory: http://www.badmovies.org/multimedia/moviesi/jesusvamp1.mpg

Matsufubu
17th August 04, 05:36 AM
Ha ha! I like the kid that gets out of the back of the car in the second wave with the big afro wig!

Why doesn't Jesus just call down his legions of angels if he wants to kick ass?

Raven
17th August 04, 08:52 AM
Two words: Bubba Hotep

Hawkeye
17th August 04, 12:31 PM
Originally posted by Boyd
The one thing I could never stomach about Santa Cruz....was all the damn vampires.

Shit, that reminds me, I gotta retire my old copy of the Lost Boys and pick up the new special edition. Hopefully it won't have too much Feldman on any of the special features

knight_errant
17th August 04, 01:54 PM
"If he turns the other cheek, bite his jugular, Gustav."
"Gotcha, Tibor. Can I sacrifice his pet lamb?"
"No, Gustav. But you may play with the donkey, if you wish"
How the HOLY FUCK this ever got green lighted is beyond me :D That said, I'd still watch it- out of curiosity more than anything else.
Did anyone else notice how Van Helsing was an incredibly overt up-fucking of the original character? :D

The lost boys ROCKS. I can't understand why the kid didn't want to be a vampire though '~'

Hawkeye
17th August 04, 10:06 PM
Originally posted by stoogejitsu
yeah I posted a clip from this movie before, but here it is again in all its heavenly glory: http://www.badmovies.org/multimedia/moviesi/jesusvamp1.mpg

This (http://www.badmovies.org/multimedia/moviesi/dolemite1.mpg) is more good shit from badmovies.com. Probably NSFW.

Dolemite teaches a honkey a lesson for fucking with him. I think the lion in Ronin's avatar took some pimpin lessons from Dolemite.

Hawkeye
17th August 04, 10:08 PM
Originally posted by knight_errant
The lost boys ROCKS. I can't understand why the kid didn't want to be a vampire though '~'

Me neither. Sleep all day, and kill teenagers who fornicate and abuse substances in the woods at night. Get it on with Jami Gertz all the time. Sounds good to me.

Mox_Mox
17th August 04, 10:16 PM
Originally posted by Raven
Two words: Bubba Hotep

Bubba Hotep Pwns all others!!
Bruce Campbell would five finger exploding heart Jesus to death.
Hail to the king baby!

ICY
17th August 04, 11:04 PM
Anyone ever seen "The Black Gestapo"? One of the worst movies ever, but kind of funny in an unintentional way.

knight_errant
18th August 04, 08:53 AM
Me neither. Sleep all day, and kill teenagers who fornicate and abuse substances in the woods at night. Get it on with Jami Gertz all the time. Sounds good to me.
Damn straight- and get to ride a REAL motorbike...